How do you deal with not "fitting in"?

Question

I just moved and left behind a wonderful support system of family and friends. But making new friend in the west is easier said than done. The church we go to is wonderful but people are clannish and only stick to thier families and friends and they hestiate about letting people in thier circle if you will.
The people out here do not get together the way people do in the North East. How do you deal about not fitting in? I

Answer 1

If a Christian stayed only amongst those who praised themselves, what good is that? A doctor may be called far from their office to administer to the sick, or to give comfort to those as yet unknown.

A heart full of grace, strengthened by faith, does not seek to travel door to door: it sets the table, sweeps the floor, and prepares for the guests who are sure to arrive. Prepare for the welcome, and the welcome will come.

Answer 2

I have a different background than you, but I had similar experiences when I moved from Boulder, Colorado to Texas. Then to Oklahoma before moving back to Colorado. As you can imagine, it was a culture shock.

My best advise is this: if you live in any good sized city, you probably have a lot of friends you just haven't met yet. Even if the demographics aren't on your side, any big town has people you would be friends with. Given that you're a Christian, you should do very well in the Western US.

Try finding out places people you would want to meet hang out at. Maybe find a good bookclub. And stay in touch with your friends at home. :)

Answer 3

I heard that people in the West were friendlier than in the East. But what do I know. It takes time. Go to some of the small group events at church. That is were people get to know one another. Look for things that you like to do and take some classes in that.. like a gardening class and you will meet people. Meet people at work and invite them to lunch. It is hard being in a new place. You have to reach out to them. Remember what you did to develop the friendships that you had in the old place. I am an introvert myself and I know it is hard to reach out. But remember the stranger is a friend that you haven't met yet. And there are so many interesting people in the world. Just enjoy each person that comes your way. They will sense that and be drawn to you.

Answer 4

Aww thank you!!!
I feel so not left out now. lol
Because I moved and I lost so much and now Ihave to work hard again at what I did before.
Anywayz, the best way is to go to join alot of clubs, sports, social activities, etc and then you will get to know how the people are in that culture.
I know it's hard, I mean I cant even try to pretend to be one of them because I miss the old me, but just by being with those people will make you know more of the way they act.

P.S: being alone for awhile is quite good, it helped me learn how to be more independent even though I hated doing it.



Good luck!! =]

Answer 5

I understand where your coming from. Sometimes fitting in takes some time. Try to attend events with your church and volunteer doing something you enjoy. Once you have some shared experiences people will be able to relate to you more. Don't rush to judgment too soon. I think everything will work out. You seem like a sweet and caring young lady.

Answer 6

Find somewhere you do fit in. People are always going to be different everywhere you go. But if you look hard enough, you'll find friends. However, sometimes you have to take the initiative in making friends. Don't always wait for someone to come to you. Remember, the only way to make a friend,is to be a friend.

Answer 7

You moved here for a reason and if God was in the move He will show you just what He has planned for you. Go to Him and pray about it.

Making friends anywhere in the group is not difficult. Go up and introduce yourself and let them know that you need to develop a friendship to help ease the pain of fitting in with their church.

I find that if one give someone a challenge they usually come through for you.><>

Answer 8

I don't go to church but if you don't feel welcome at your church cause you don't seem to fit in with those people no matter how you try. I suggest trying to find a new church to attend in your area. Don't worry so much about what others think of you. Besides they aren't very good Church people from the start. I thought religious people are suppose to be open and accepting and friendly and such.

Answer 9

what are the things you like to do? Whatever your passions are you will most likely find folks that share your interest. Churches are notoriously clannish. It takes forever to get into the group. But be persistent ...it takes time for folks to find out who you are ....and your no different. I think regardless of where you are in the world folks treat you the same way you treat others...just takes time. Volunteer to do things ..give of yourself...and I think you will find it gets you respect and friends.

Answer 10

It just takes time to make new connections. It takes being a friend to have a friend. Join in on conversations, show interest in others, don't wait for them to ask you questions. Join in some of the activities in your church, and it will happen.