Am I a bad parent??

Question

I am a proud mother of 2 daughters. They are 3 and 1. My husband and I are trying to save up to buy a house, pay off old debts, and get our lives on track. We both work full time, make lots of money but it seems like by the end of every month, there is nothing left over. It just seems like there is no way to get ahead of the game and I always feel guilty when I look at my children. I want them to have a good life and I love my children to death. It just seems like you work your *** off to try to raise your family and its all for nothing. After paying bills, rent, car payments, insurance, groceries, there seems to be nothing left over. Lately I have started to feel really bad about everything and seeing my kids makes that feeling even stronger. Am I a failure as a parent?? Or do I need to just lighten up and take things as they come. Thanks for any advice in advance!!

Answer 1

Well, you need to lighten up, although sometimes that's not easy. :) Remember that at this age, your kids just need to feel loved and safe (besides the food, shelter and clothing thing). They don't need expensive things or lots of things, even if you do want to give them the world.

You're at the stage in your life where it's really stressful and tiring to work all day and raise such little kids. I had a lot of anxiety and stress when the kids were that age too. It's normal. You just need to be easier on yourself, if possible. Make sure you're getting enough sleep and eating properly, so you're able to cope with everything and have enough energy to get through your day.

As time goes on, you will gradually build up a nest egg and be able to get those things you want. Maybe re-evaluate those things you're paying for; and be sure to put some money in the bank every single pay period. Pay yourself first, even if it's just $20/pay. Be patient with yourselves.

If you make sure your kids are safe and warm and well fed, if you hug them a couple times a day, if you make them laugh a couple times a day, if you try to keep your worries from affecting them, that's all they will need. They will be happy and have a good life. :)

Answer 2

You need to lighten up for sure- as long as your kids are getting 3 decent well balanced meals plus snacks in between and they have a roof over their heads, and clothes on thier backs , you and your husband are doing just fine! It is hard to try to get ahead in this day and age because just about every other day gas prices rise, and groceries sure are not cheap, etc... If you can even put $2.00 into a small piggy bank every week and at the end of a year put it into a savings account into a bank that could help a little bit- it is always good to put some $$ away for whatever reason -emergencies etc... But I know that isn't always easy! I don't want to offend you in any way-but try not to have any more babies until your better prepared because as the two you have now get older things will be more expensive so try to save some $$ before you consider having more kids and get ahead a bit and then think about what to do next! But for now- your doing great!

Answer 3

No, you're not a failure. Maybe you just need to reevaluate your lifestyle choices. Look for a cheaper apartment. Get a cheaper car(s). Buy generic. Don't eat out as often. Your kids have no idea about any of this - they don't know any better. They love you because you are their parents and that's what matters. The fact that you are feeling this way proves that you are not a failure as a parent. Things may seem rough now, but there is a light at the end of your tunnel. Try not to stress and give your kids an extra hug everyday. That matters more than any expensive house or new toys. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

So what are you feeling bad about? Not having money to buy your kids things, or for working all the time and still not having the money? I was in your situation a while back. I worked 40 hrs a week, didn't see enough of my kids, and still had nothing to show for it. So my husband and I decided we could cut back and let me stay at home with them. I would much rather be here raising my kids everyday, and be poor, than to have lots of money and not see them but a couple hrs. a night. Your time is the best thing you can give your children. That is memories they will cherish their whole life. But what you bought for them will be the last thing on their mind once they're grown! Don't be so hard on yourself. Just do the best you can, and show them love and attention. If you ask me, that's what's wrong with most of todays messed up teenagers.....they've been bought everything they ever wanted, and can't deal with rejection as they grow up, thus causing them to act like spoiled Brats! Hang in there....you sound as good as the rest of us!

Answer 5

No, you aren't. Bad parents are the ones who don't feed, bathe, read to, hug and kiss, and just show genuine love. The bad parents are the ones who neglect their children. Just because there isn't enough money left over to buy your children things that you would like for them to have, this in no way qualifies as a bad parent. Remember that children only know their life as reality. Have you ever seen a child who comes from a wealthy background that has been given everything and appreciates nothing and the child who comes from meager means that knows how to go out and have fun without money? I'm not saying all wealthy children are ungrateful, or that all children from the less wealthy are better, but I can tell you, from my own experience, I bought my daughter way too much and when I step back and watch her, she doesn't know the value of a dollar and she expects to be able to get anything when we go shopping. I do the hugs and kisses, reading and genuine show of love, but by buying her too much, I took something away from her. I can't quite put a name to it, but I know it's an important something. I am backing off from buying her "stuff" and we go walking, hiking and biking more now. All this "stuff" I bought her was stuff I wanted her to have to help myself feel like a good parent too. Take it from me, it doesn't take away the "am I a good or bad parent" question. Love your girls with all your heart and they will see the beauty in that.

Answer 6

seems like you are doing fine
no one said being a parent is easy

long as the bills are paid and you both have jobs
then the next thing to do is get on a serious budget
to pay that credit down.

if both of you as parents can come to understand your
goals on the finances you can both move ahead
and get the home you want.

There is always something that can be done
to get a bit more money from what you already have coming
in - maybe cheaper insurance or spending less
on clothes and shoes
not eating fast food everyday
getting a cheaper car
using coupons buying things on sale
not using credit cards - pay them off

take time to relax - have a family day

lot of families are out there working the same struggle

Answer 7

Every once in a while, we have a few extra dollars after paying all the bills. We rent movies, go for ice cream, etc. It's not what you can't do for your kids, it's what you do. Love them. Spend quality time with them. Buy a board game for kids. Get a deck of cards and play Memory. Build a House of Cars. You get the idea. Now, lighten up and go have fun.

Answer 8

lighten up. thats life, i wouldnt have even thought that my fiance made 3000 dollars last month because there was nothing left! you have time to start making more money and start having extra money, frankly at 3 and 1 they probably dont even care or realize that they dont have the extras in about 2 years is when your oldest will go to school and thats when competition begins. and then comes the teachings of the value of money. frankly if your children have everything they need, they have a good life, they have alot more than some less fortunate children have. so stop being so hard on yourself, you have plenty of time to shower them with toys and presents.

Answer 9

life is what you make it....and dreams only come true when u take the actual positive steps to obtaining those dreams. there are no regrets and no coincidences only facts and reality. i have always stayed positive and things always went my way. if u just sit back and worry and say i wish then it will never happen. just do it. i started my own business in antoher country, got married, built a house, started a family , bought 2 bmw's and a porsche, and shop all the time without worries. you just have to make the right plans to do it. i am by no way rich but just smart. turn off the lights ( use candles) or take the bulbs out, only get the essentials in groceries, find the sales, find the knock offs, car pool, ride a bike, take the bus....there are ways

Answer 10

You need to change your thinking when it comes to what makes a good parent... Just because you do not buy your kids things when ever they want does NOT make you a bad parent. You can spend time with them and do a lot of things with them that does not cost anything or cost nothing at all..

In the end your children will value the time you spend with them not the things you bought them...