Im getting married next year and my partner's mother does not want to contribute to the wedding. She said in her words that she is shocked she has been asked to help out as traditionally it is up to the bride's parents to pay for the entire wedding. We asked her if she could just contribute by paying for the guests on their side that she's going to have at the reception and we'll pay for everything else and she wasn't happy. It's becoming a nightmare and considering it's meant to be a happy time it's beome a very stressful situation.
2007-04-10 12:30:46 · 17 answers · asked by janes19061979 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Traditionally the groom's parents pay for rehearsal dinner and the flowers. www.emilypost.com
However this is 2007 - somebody needs to get with it.
2007-04-10 12:35:06 · answer #1 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Traditional Breakdown of Expenses
Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories The Bride's Family
Wedding Ring for Bride The Groom
Wedding Ring for Groom The Bride
Wedding Gift for Groom The Bride
Wedding Gift for Bride The Groom
Bridesmaid Gifts The Bride
Groomsmen/Usher Gifts The Groom
Bride's Bouquet The Groom
Bridesmaid Bouquets The Bride's Family
Mother's Corsages The Groom
Grandmother Corsages The Bride's Family
Groom's Boutonniere The Groom
Groomsmen Boutonnieres The Groom
Usher's Boutonnieres The Groom
Ceremony/Reception Flowers The Bride's Family
Altar Baskets/Arches The Bride's Family
Canopy/Carpet The Bride's Family
Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs The Bride's Family
Rented Items for Wedding The Bride's Family
Rented Items for Reception The Bride's Family
Invitations/Announcements The Bride's Family
Wedding Programs The Bride's Family
Napkins/Matches/Printed Items The Bride's Family
Marriage License The Groom
Medical Visit for Bride The Bride
Medical Visit for Groom The Groom
Church Fee The Bride's Family
Clergyman/Officiant Fee The Groom
Musician/Soloist The Bride's Family
Church Janitor The Bride's Family
Reception Hall Fee The Bride's Family
Catered Reception/Professional Services The Bride's Family
Wedding Photography The Bride's Family
Video Photography The Bride's Family
Orchestra/Band/DJ The Bride's Family
Wedding Cake The Bride's Family
Wedding Favors The Bride's Family
Groom's Cake The Groom's Family
Rice Bags The Bride's Family
Rehearsal Dinner The Grooms Family
Bridesmaid Luncheon The Bride
Bachelor Party Best Man/Groom's Attendants
Wedding Breakfast The Bride's Family
Bridal Brunch The Bride's Family
Bridesmaid's Gowns Bridesmaid's
Maid of Honor Gown Maid of Honor
Matron of Honor Gown Matron of Honor
Best Man Formal Wear Best Man
Usher's Formal Wear Ushers
Groomsmen's Formal Wear Groomsmen
Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants The Groom
Father of Bride Formal Wear Bride's Family
Father of Groom Formal Wear Groom's Family
Children's Formal Wear The Children's Parents
Limousine Service The Groom
Honeymoon Arrangements The Groom
Travel Expenses to the Wedding The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member
Accommodations for out-of town Guests The Bride
Gifts for the Couple Guest, Attendants and Family
2007-04-10 12:42:10 · answer #2 · answered by blondie 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Nowadays a lot more brides and grooms are paying for the wedding themselves and any monetary gifts the couple get as a wedding present helps pay for the wedding and honeymoon. There is nothing wrong with asking for some help from the parents of either side.
2007-04-10 16:44:50 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oohlala is correct as far as tradition is concerned. I also agree that it is 2007 and she should get with it. If cost is an issue, perhaps you should consider a destination wedding. Most resorts will give you a free wedding if you honeymoon at the same location. The good or bad thing about a destination wedding is that you may not get a lot of people to come because of the travel expenses. It is a shame she is not helping out...maybe you two should elope and then she won't have to worry about paying for anything. Good Luck
2007-04-10 12:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by SupaDupaWoman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Man that is pretty unfair of her. I know my sister and her husband paid for the ceremony. My parents paid for the dress, the cake, the meal, the venue. His parents paid for the drinks tab - army people drink a lot!
I think it should be done in quarters - I think that's a good idea. I think in this time and age, although it is tradition that the brides family pays, it's not always viable. I think all people should step in and make the day possible and romantic. There is no greater gift a parent can give to their child. That or her guests don't get to come or you could ask them to pay for themselves and then it will reflect badly on her.
2007-04-10 14:21:58 · answer #5 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a former mother of the groom let me say that in today's world the expense of a wedding can be mind boggling. We were never asked to share expenses (as it should be) by the brides parents. However, we made it clear to our children that we intended to help.
If your future in-laws are not so forthcoming, trim the wedding accordingly. NICELY let the in-laws know the reason in advance for the changes. She may change her mind when she realizes that Aunt Susy and Uncle Harry and their kids won't be invited, there will be no groom's cake or rehearsal dinner, and her corsage will be a dinky single white carnation.
As much as it kills you to be NICE to your future in-laws, as the old saying goes- "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
2007-04-10 17:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by Rox 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Things have changed in the past 100 years. Before, the brides family paid for the majority of the wedding and the grooms family covered the rest of the items. Now a days however, people are paying for their own weddings with little or no help.
It is a nice thought if someone were to give you $$ to cover your expenses, but it isnt a requirement. It should be offered, and not asked for. It is not unreasonable for her to have to chip in for guests that you yourself would not have invited, but if they were already on your list, I wouldnt think twice about it.
Traditional Responsiblities
The bride’s family pays for:
- Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
- Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
- Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
- The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
- Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
- Favors
- Photography
- Transportation
- Their own attire and travel expenses
The groom’s family pays for:
- The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
- Their own attire and travel expenses
- A wedding present
The bride pays for:
- The groom’s wedding ring
- A wedding gift for the groom
- Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
- Gifts for her attendants
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids
The groom pays for:
- The marriage license
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
- The honeymoon
- A wedding gift for the bride
- The bride’s bouquet
- Gifts for his attendants
- Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
- Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
- Fee for the officiant
When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources
The bride and groom pay for all wedding costs themselves
2007-04-10 12:42:48 · answer #7 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Okay, the bride's parents usually pay for the wedding and reception. But, the bride and groom can also chip in or pay for it themselves. The groom's parents usually pay for the honeymoon and the rehearsal dinner.
2007-04-10 13:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's right to be upset, too! You're asking an awful lot from the lady who's gonna be your mother in law! why would you want to tick her off?
Traditionally, the brides' family pays for the wedding. The grooms' family pays for the rehearsal dinner.
Maybe you should think about paring down expenses so that your family can afford it.
2007-04-10 14:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
While it would be a nice gesture of her to contribute to the cost of the wedding, it should NOT be expected. You should not be upset at her or giving her grief about it. She may have her reasons for saying no, and it is not your place to question it. Plan a wedding only as big as you, yourself, can afford - don't expect handouts from anyone. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it yourself and to make decisions on what to cut back on to fit into the budget.
2007-04-10 12:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I suggest you limit her guests to what you can afford. We aren't living in a time where any of these traditions are set in stone. That's fine that she doesn't want to contribute to your wedding, but that also means she doesn't have to right to demand how many guests she wants at your wedding. If you don't think you can afford it, let her know, and limit her to 5 couples or something. Keep it a reasonable number.
2007-04-10 17:26:11 · answer #11 · answered by GoliathSLW 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋