If you lose your dignity big time, and you are filled with shame and regret and you berate yourself, what is the best way to overcome the feelings of shame, self hatred and humiliation?
im reluctant to go into too much details, but I made an *** of myself over this man, and im pretty sure he thinks im crazy, as a result ive lost any chance of being with him ( I dont want to get back with him now) - it is not so much the break up and the heartache, it was with the way I acted.
I ive lost my dignity and pride and i constantly seem to be ruminating over it, and im so filled with shame and regret it seems to have stopped my life.
I feel to embarrased and ashamed to say what ive done, to people in real life, and ive got a poor social support system anyhow.
any tips, links, words of wisdom, book recommendations would be appreciated.
2007-04-10 10:24:59 · 18 answers · asked by raggyann 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What is done is done. You cannot go back only forward. If you feel that by acting the way you did has ruined things for you. Don't let it ruin your future. Look forward to better times. They will be around the corner. Start holding your head up high and learn by your past mistake. After all, none of us are perfect.
2007-04-10 10:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by JillPinky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, let me start by saying that most people at some time in their lives, do stupid things which leave them feeling ashamed and embarrassed, especially where relationships are concerned. I did a similar thing myself at around the age of 40 when I fell for someone I shouldn't have - and I was married at the time! I am sorry to say that my marriage ended in divorce, not because of the man that I met but because the marriage was due to falter anyway. That aside, I can sympathise with you over your feelings of shame, loss of dignity and bad experiences. The very best way of dealing with all of this is just to put it behind you. Forget all the bad that came out of it. Only remember the good and positive times (if there were any!) Don't keep "beating yourself up" over this as it will just make you feel more and more miserable. You will meet new people and your life will change. Don't let this mistake that you've made ruin the rest of your life. I wish you the very best of luck!
2007-04-14 05:25:31 · answer #2 · answered by Susan F 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it's any comfort... I've been there&so have people close2me... people just don't talk about it!
Believe that No person is better or any less than the next!
That is the truth. What sets us apart is how much we believe in ourselves, how much we love ourselves...
We can only go through life by making mistakes, it would be impossible2go through life otherwise... so don't continue2berate urself over a prolonged period/ unecessarily
There is a point that1must b reached when u say that ur going2put it behind urself& learn something from it
Every mistake has a positive side, if u use it2better urself&learn from it...
u really r Only human... none of us r perfect
decide2move on this minute&everytime it enters ur mind.. force urself2thing of something else while reminding urself that u hav resolved this incident within urself &have moved on
Thoughts randomly enter the mind... it's up2u2 choose what you want U2spend time thinking of.. ur in control
All the best
2007-04-10 10:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by jammy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say there are few people in this life that haven`t been in the same situation as you find yourself, I know I have.
Each time you start to berate yourself stop and count to 5 then think about a positive in your life. It may only be a small thing like smiling at a friend but that is a positive.
I spent too long regretting my actions and it coloured my friendships. I was told, very kindly, by a good friend that I was becoming boring with my self centered outlook.
That shook me into giving myself a talking to and moving on. I gained back my self respect and now can laugh at the situation.
You can also move on with some positive thinking.
2007-04-10 10:40:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The book "Mars and Venus Starting Over Again" is a good one. Also "Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay" is excellent. Don't be so hard on yourself. I have done crazy things also along the way to find true happiness as most people would admit too. I found that my yellow lab was tremendous help during my last breakup. She was by my side constantly. She listened to me cry and never passed judgement. She helped me not feel so lonely. It just takes time for you to move on. That is an easy statement that you will hear often during this time, but it remains true. Some days you will not feel like pulling the covers off your head and some you will notice you don't reflect on the past as much. Get busy with your friends. Leave this behind you and learn from your mistake. Cry, take walks, don't stay inside alone too much fresh air helps. Eat healthy, don't let this painful situation control the rest of your life. Good luck.
2007-04-10 10:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by justclicktherubyslippers 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you're not the first nor the last to do it.. Don't be ashamed.. You're a normal person that goes through some **** and most people over react lots of times.. Just analyze yourself and try to improve yourself so that there isn't a next time.
2007-04-10 10:28:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the first answerer said it all. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. Anyone who has been in a relationship has had their own ups and downs, and by experiencing them we look back see are mistakes and MOVE ON. dont spend to much time dwelling on the past, because it only brings you down even further. You just know what not to do next time. as for your 'poor social support', go out and start a hobbie. Interact with ppl and you'll soon be back on your feet!
2007-04-10 10:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just realize that you are not the first person to make an a-- out of yourself. There are things that we do in life, that we are not proud of. You learn from your mistakes.
If you hurt someone then sincerly apologize to that person. It seems you may have acted out of emotion. It is up to them to forgive you.
Then move on, don't sit and dwell on it.
Time will help to heal you, but you can't keep beating yourself up over a mistake.
Be Encouraged
2007-04-10 10:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like the other users said, move FORWARD and keep your head high. We all make mistakes, trust me i've made plenty of them... Sometimes when you like someone this wave of desperation overcomes you and you act on your emotions. It's okay,you're a HUMAN. So with that said, if I were you I would focus on my own life and work on improving anything that needs to be changed. But don't go overboard feeling like you need to change everything about YOU. This feeling will pass and you will get over it...promise. Good luck <3
2007-04-10 10:40:44 · answer #9 · answered by Mya 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was thinking the exact same thing about a month ago and i would cringe when i thought about it,but now i know i`ll not make that mistake again so i`ve learned something from it,i still feel a bit embarrassed when i think of it but we all do silly things and your not the first neither will you be the last.Just move on and learn from it.
2007-04-10 10:37:42 · answer #10 · answered by onlyme 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋