I am going out with a great guy who treats me wonderfully i couldnt ask for anything more and i have a great career ahead of me, but the problem is i am very insecure and i fear losing him or i start to think he doesant love me anymore and for no reason at all. I was in a really bad relationship previously in which i was physically and mentally abused i think this is where all this is stemming from. But i just want it to go away and for me to have my confidence back and to believe it when i am told i am loved, beautiful, a good person all those things which i believe i am not. I am struggling and i dont know what to do can anyone help me?
2007-04-10 09:44:53 · 22 answers · asked by bluebell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Be glad of what you have. Not all people are going to treat you bad or leave you because one did.
Let him know how you feel and be happy with yourself.
2007-04-10 09:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by Rawbert 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh you sound just like me. It's good to know I'm not the only one this way. I have talked to many friends about this insecurity and they all tell me the same thing. First of all you HAVE to let go of your past because it can ruin the wonderful relationship that you do have. Second you have to remind yourself that he is with you for a reason, obviously he loves you a lot and I'm sure everything he tells you about being beautiful and all is true. This is easier said than done I know. BUT we can't live our lives in fear of losing someone we love. There is always going to be a chance that things won't work out but we will never know unless we try. We have to take things day by day and ENJOY yourself while you do. I totally understand you. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me. amy.bgirl@yahoo.com. I wish you luck!!
2007-04-10 09:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by aa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm very sorry to hear that your last relationship was a terrible one and that he hurt you in more ways then one. But sometimes it is better to trust someone blindly... let go of your inhibitions and believe in that person. But I warn you now, that if you do trust make sure that the trust is returned whole heartedly.
You could be right that you are afraid of losing such a good person because of the hurt you felt in your last relationship. But if the man you are with now is as wonderful as you think he is, then let him love you, show him how you feel for him. If you are intimate enough say those three big words. Tell him that he means a lot to you, he has done you right and you do your best to do the same for him.
About not being a nice person, some people can see you better than you can see yourself, try to step back and think awhile, "you know, he could be right. I am loved, beautiful and a good person..." Sometimes it takes somebody else's eyes to see yourself better. Best wishes.
2007-04-10 09:53:15 · answer #3 · answered by JV 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's so unfortunate that someone basically ruins it for the next person. I too have been in a similar relationship and it does suck. The best thing and this may sound silly, but the best thing to do is try and go to like a self esteem workshop. They can give you techniques and what not to help you out. And it also doesn't hurt to speak to a counselor once in a while. It probably seems like a small problem, but I know that my fiance HATES my insecurity and has even said that it's such a turn off. So it may be worth while to seek professional help for you in the long run.
2007-04-10 09:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by ljoc421 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What ever you do, do not lose yourself. I was in love with my former partner. He did treat me well and I was so lucky, but so insecure of something bad happening. So i made sure that i was the best girlfriend, was available 24/7, let him do whatever he wanted to do, avoided any serious conflict etc... You think thats being the best girlfriend but its not. I lost my interests, lost my friends, social life, basicly my independence and my identity. All of this because i was so insecure of him ever leaving, it turned out that he did leave me. And believe me, it hurts more.
Love yourself, be true to yourself, put yourself first on your priority list, because at the end of the day the only person everyone can look out for is themselves.
Good luck, enjoy the relationship and don't worry about the future, thats my biggest regret.
2007-04-11 02:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK... I have just split from a relationship with a very insecure GF. I have also just become the insecure party in a new relationship! How things change! haha
The answer i think is to make small changes in yourself (Which you feel makes you stronger). Go gym, join a club start a hobby! These small things change your mental state and make you feel your in control!
Its not about controling a person! Just the feeling that you have control.
At the end of the day he will love you..... or he wont! stop worring about it and enjoy the rollacoster that is life
2007-04-10 09:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by stockytommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i2was in a physically&mentally abusive relationship a while ago..I really thought i had worked through my issues until recently when i met a wonderful, successful man..2cut a long story short, my insecurities caused both him&myself pain-eventually what cud have been something great, Ended.
Don't let the same happen2u..many people have offered sum very useful advice, which i plan on taking myself!
I hope u will2!:)
I wish all the woman/ men who have had past bad experiences all the best:)
2007-04-10 10:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by jammy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u said that u wanted to have ur self confidence back..well that means that u used to have it before...so all u gotta do is to constantly remind urself of the good things in u that made u feel confident ...we all been thru very bad relationships that affected us negatively but u always have to learn from ur mistakes and look on the bright side of ur life..i mean u go out with the perfect guy and have a great career ..that all must prove to u that u really are a good person or u wouldn't have gone out with a guy like him or have a career like that....what i'm saying is that u should get over ur previous realtionship and start enjoying ur new perfect life that god has given u and just accept the way things are..cuz we only have one life so we shouldn't really bother ourselves with our past!!..good luck
2007-04-10 10:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by MeMoRiEs 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel but does he? I have had insecurities about my bf and I let him know how I felt. At first he was upset because he has never given me any reason to doubt him. But he helped me understand him better and he understands me more and even though at times I may slip he's there to help me along the way, he loves me and it's great. So I am sure since you have a great bf as well, once you talk to him, he's gonna re-assure you that you that he's not leaving.
2007-04-10 09:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by MIss T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
aww u poor thing, i'm goin thru the same kinda thing at the moment. i am getting better though. sounds like a rubbish answer, but it does take time! there really isn't an awful lot you can do but wait and your confidence will come back. i sometimes don't treat my boyfriend as well as i should, purely because i don't really feel i deserve him and i worry that i depend on him too much. have you tried counselling? it's a very daunting thing to consider and it's very difficult the first few times, but it does help! sorry i couldn't help more, but good luck xxxxx
2007-04-10 09:51:39 · answer #10 · answered by angelpinklotti 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try thinking of the fact that your ex was an insecure jerk who had to belittle you because he had so much self hatred the only way he could get someone to stay with him was to make them hate themselves too and now you do have a smart, sexy, successful boyfriend who loves you and if you think he's such a great guy and a great catch you must be something special because a guy like that wouldn't be with just anybody!
2007-04-10 09:50:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋