I'm 39, never married & no children. He's 38, never married & no children. He's always very sweet, generous and respectful to me. We get along well, but I am confused about whether he is dating me for the right reasons.
My concern is because when I asked him about his past relationships & why they ended, he told me that his last 2 girlfriends were not what he was looking for. He said he knew from the start that the relationship would not go anywhere, but he thought "what the heck & decided to date them anyway".
He also told me when the last girlfriend he dated told him those 3 little words he knew he had to break-up with her. So I am scared to tell him how I feel, plus when I tell him how great I think he is, he replies with "you're sweet".
We have met some of each others family. The past 2 girls did'nt meet his family, even one that he dated for 8 months. We have dated around three months.
Do you think he genuinely likes me or is he dating me for the heck of it?
2007-04-10 08:16:38 · 19 answers · asked by Ray-Ray 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We are dating exclusively.
2007-04-10 08:48:36 · update #1
Neither of us want to have children. So I'm not trying to find someone before my clock stops ticking.
It's just that I don't date people that I don't have long-term interest in like he has in the past. I have told him other nice things that definitely let him know that I like him a lot, but he just responds with the same old "that's sweet". Saying "that's sweet" doesn't tell me very much.
Of course, he told me he's not just dating me for the heck of it, but should I believe him based on his track record? or Should I risk getting my heart broken and just go with the flow?
2007-04-10 12:02:07 · update #2
I think your boyfriend is the only one who is going to be able to give you the answers you are looking for. You should talk to him about how you feel. Tell him you care about him, but are afraid to express your feelings since he told you he dumped the last girl who said she loved him. I'd say if after six months he hasn't told you he loves you, ask him where things are going and figure out what to do at this point. You shouldn't be ashamed or afraid of telling him how you feel though. If he freaks out and breaks up with you because of it, he's a jerk.
2007-04-10 08:21:36 · answer #1 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong about asking him if he sees marriage for you two in the near future. You may be nervous about the answer, but if the answer is negative, you MUST move on and grieve.
I knew a guy for over 8 years from Long Island who was divorced, but while married ten years, had someone on the side once a month during his lunch hour. When she wanted a commitment from him he refused to divorce. So she found someone to marry because at age 38, she wanted husband and kids. The guy became enraged, and said she was ruining what they had. What they had? Seems this narcissistic guy just wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. A few years later, this guy found a divorced woman in her early 30s. She was with him 8 years while he cheated on her too at every opportunity, although we knew it, and she wasn't sure. After 8 years, what she wanted a commitment. He wouldn't give it. So she broke up. This guy told me that he tried to talk to her on occasion to get back to what they had the way he wanted it. Meanwhile, she was smart and found a new relationship which was monogamous
This guy you are with said you are sweet when you generously complement him. He doesn't reciprocate. Let me tell you that that way of being he has seemingly mastered allows him to drag relationships out while getting what he wants while not committing.
You must get answers and if they hurt, they hurt. I suspect he likes this arrangement, because he gets his needs met while never committing. I suspect he is a narcissist who has mastered calm and nice to get sex and company.
You want more than that, don't you?
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2007-04-10 08:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't talk to this guy honestly about your feelings then you don't have a good relationship at all. Wouldn't it be better to know for sure where you stand than try to guess based on hints and whatever the Y!A people think from the four paragraphs you've written?
If you ask him now if he thinks you two might have a future then the worst thing that happens is that you've only wasted 3 months. The best thing is that you might find out that he really cares for you a lot!
Come on, you're 39. You should be better at this communication thing by now. Talk to him, not to us.
2007-04-10 08:23:19 · answer #3 · answered by Elizabeth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not personally knowing the man I can't answer that but from the sounds of things he seems an immature butthead.
It's sad that he runs from those all important 3 words. Also I would be leary of a man who knows he will not be in a lasting relationship with women but thought he would screw them anyway. Most people avoid relationships that they know will fail and search for more suitable partners.
2007-04-10 08:22:27 · answer #4 · answered by kickass 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is dating you for the heck of it. I think you should tell him how you feel. Then you will know why he is dating you. And if he breaks up with you because he is scared of commitment, then it will be your win. Why would you want to date someone who does not want a realationship. So in the end you will end up better.
2007-04-10 08:22:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, how long have you been seeing each other? I would play a little bit 'hard to get' and see if that works.
Also, try to work some of those questions into conversation.
I think that it is a good sign you are meeting the family, but he sounds a bit hard to figure out. He probably likes you very much if you get to meet the family, but take it slow.
2007-04-10 08:21:45 · answer #6 · answered by Myra 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He may have commitment issues or he may be dating you for the heck of it but you wouldn't want him to say those three little words if he doesn't mean it so you have to give him credit for being honest I guess time will tell if a year goes by and he isn't in love with you then its time for you to find someone who in capable of falling in love with you we all deserve that I left a 4 year relationship because she wasn't in love with me go figure well my Kitty's love me I love me god loves me my sister loves me I guess that will have to be good enough for now
2007-04-10 08:29:36 · answer #7 · answered by delmonticoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cant trust what he tells you the relationship is already done for.
If he has different ideas as far as long term than you do, then it is done for.
Tell him how you feel, got to be horrible to love somone and be afraid to rell them.
If he cuts and runs, youo get your answer and you dont waste another minute on someone who jsut wants to be with someone for the sake of not being alone. With all the doubts and insecurities about letting him know you love him, dont soound like much fun. good luck yo ya
2007-04-10 08:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by Papa Joe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Base of previous relationship, thats a possibilties. Maybe he didnt tell you the whole thing and maybe used them to get one thing out of you and he waits long time just to get it. I think hes dating you for the heck of it. I dont know the dude, maybe his thinking is way different. You should call it over and find a more serious dude. Thats what i think
2007-04-10 08:20:44 · answer #9 · answered by Chi Town Playa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry about his past darling, you'll only drive yourself crazy. Maybe ask him whether you're relationship is monogamous or can you see other people? The answer will tell you where you stand, i think.
2007-04-10 08:21:03 · answer #10 · answered by ♥poppy honey♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋