HELP! 5 yr old son agression difficult behavior- at the end of my rope!?

Question

My 5 yo son is a great kid. Helpful, considerate, kind, thoughtful, well behaved. A month ago, he started being agressive with teachers, daycare ppl, myself & husband, pets, not listening to directions, calling everyone names, throwing things, slamming doors... until a month ago he was a model child- never had to discipline much, because he was just always well behaved. Seems like all of the sudden one morning he woke up a different kid. In the past month, we have been called to the school 4 times because of his agression towards other kids & his teachers. Entirely out of character for him. We have been racking our brains trying to think about what he could be so upset about. He is always with us, or at school. I am 7 mo pregnant, he is super excited (hes known for about 4 mos), nothing has changed in our home in 8 months (new home 8 mos ago)... how do i get him to talk to us about his anxiety and anger? How do I get him to relax & realize hes being hurtful to others?

He has always been a rather anxious kid, though-- always happy, polite, etc-- but always anxious about things. I was a single mother with him until he was a little over 2yrs old. Family and friends have several times commented on his anxiety, and I have spoken to his doctor about it who told me sometimes its just a personality thing- some people are anxious, some aren't. Now, I really feel his anxiety has reached a boiling point. We have an appointment Friday with our doctor to talk about the anxiety issues. It seems to me that all of the sudden one day he "snapped". Maybe his anxiety became too much. And lately he has been begging to move back to our old house, because he says our new one isnt good, he doesnt like it, he hates it, he wants to move out of this house, etc. And, he is the only kid in his class with glasses. He has always gone to the same school, so no changes there. Nothing in our lives has changed a ton, so I can't see what would have triggered this... what do I do?!

Answer 1

Sometimes a child that age becomes concerned that something is wrong with him........otherwise why would mom and dad want to replace him. He just may need reassurance that he will still be loved when this new baby comes. Emphasize all the things he can do that the baby won't be able to do for a long time and how proud you are that he can do them. Make him feel special again. He was wasn't he before you were PG again.

Answer 2

There are several methods I have come to be fond of because they do in fact work. The results can sometimes be seen in less than a week or two. Sadly I offer no guarantee on how long it can take, we are, as individuals, unique.

Here are a few methods I suggest to you:

Sit him down and just talk. Not about anything in particular, just say you wanna talk because you don't get to talk with him all that much. He'll probably think just that far into it, but try to pull information out of him. Don't talk down to him or use words bigger than his vocabulary. Let him do most of the talking.

When he acts up, come up with an appropriate disciplinary action to take for every situation (i.e. if the dog wets on the carpet, you rub the dog's nose in it.)

So, your son starts a fight with someone or just bullies them, then you play bully to him. I'm not saying beat him up, but kind of pick on him in a stern yet playful manner until he gets your message.

Remember, he's five. So don't be too harsh on him but at the same time, don't sugar coat his punishment. He needs to learn what he did was wrong.

Ground him to his room, but when you do, take away anything fun in there. Kids know that even if they're in trouble and sent to their room, they can play with the toys in there. Well take everything out of the room except his bed, dresser and clothes. This way, when he is sent to his room, it's a punishment.

Most parents don't like to hear the last suggestion. If he gets out of hand, just give him a good spanking. One that'll teach him. If you want to, spank him good the first time and when he acts up tell him, "You remember the last time you got a spanking? Well the next time will be worse if you keep acting up." It might sound wrong to do but he'll stay in line and you won't have to spank him. Win, Win situation but that's up to you.

I hope I could be of some help to you.

Answer 3

I taught kindergarten for many years, and worked with some ADHD children along the way. If your son has been diagnosed by age 5, then his case must be pretty severe. Although I have never dealt with ADHD in my own home, I have seen much of it in the classroom - enough to know that it is very misunderstood and can be heartbreaking for the parent. Here are some strategies I use in the classroom when dealing with children with ADHD that I think could possibly transfer to the home as well: 1. Give your son specific time frames in which to complete tasks you have asked him to do - visual timers may work the best so he can how much time he is given and how much time he has left to complete the task. 2. Create an uncluttered environment for him. Distractability can be enhanced by a messy room or even too many pictures on the wall. 3. Set smaller deadlines to get to the larger goal. 4. Routine and consistency! 5. Reward for positive behaviors (even the smallest thing!) 6. Sit down with him and define the rules again. Give him two or three of the main rules to work on at a time. Saying, "You need to behave" may not be specific enough for him. Instead: "We need to work on not shouting out in class." Follow up EVERYDAY with a conversation about how he did his best on that rule. I know I rambled a little, but unless someone has had experience with a child who has ADHD, they don't know how frustrating it can be. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

The clues:

Radical change of personality in a short period of time.

Wants to move back.

The conclusion. Something started happening to him in the last 8 months. Its something that just started in this house and whatever it is, its bad and he's not supposed to talk about it.

You are working against an outside influence. If you can issolate that influence, and you will have to do it on your own, you may be able to help.

Most likely you will need to seek outside help. Sitting down with a couselor or someone with the church is a possible solution. Your best results would be to find an older child, a cousin or friend from the old neighbor hood, to have a chat with him. The outside influence has told your son not to talk to his parents, and maybe not to talk to adults, but kids talk to kids....even when they're not supposed to.

Answer 5

Start a conversation with him. Ask him about his day at school. Maybe something happened there and he is reacting like any five year old. Maybe he is not as thrilled about the new baby as you think. He knows that he got all the attention and now he will have to share, so he will make you pay attention to him by acting out. Talking to him will work. It will take time but it will work. If there is nothing wrong at school, and he is happy with the baby coming, and he is just doing this out of meanness, have you considered spanking him? I know that it is against a lot of the mainstream thinking to spank your child, but it does get the message across.

Answer 6

Your kid is probably going through a phase. He is aware that you are having another child and is getting jealous. You have to reassure him that there is lots of room for him in your life even with another baby coming into the home. Involve him more with your getting ready for the baby. By him a book on how to be a good big brother. You have to stay tough but also show much love.

Answer 7

Okay, first, any major personality changes in children that young need to be dealt with seriously. They are often incapable of vocalizing things that bother them, so you want to find out if there has been some major event that is causing him to have changed like that.

The fact that he's suddenly begging that you move back to his old house is disturbing, I think, especially considering the other personality changes he's going through.

You say that he is always "with you" or at school, but it's not always the children of neglectful parents who are abused or hurt.

Answer 8

Spend more time with him. Sounds like he is spending too much time in daycare or school. It can be too much for a five year old CHILD. Take time off of work to parent your child. Spend time listening and playing. You will be amazed at the results.

Answer 9

The first thing that came to my mind when I read this is that your boy is being bullied. Maybe by one child but quite possible by several. If he takes the bus, talk to the bus driver, talk to the playground supervisor and his teacher. Look for signs like bruising and scratches , torn papers and clothing, and cuss words that he wouldn't ordinarily know. Just sit and talk with him quietly and see if he will tell you whats up.

Answer 10

Spend more time with him, talk to him, but more importantly - listen to what he has to say. Tell him that he has 2 hours a every Saturday afternoon when you will do everything that he wants. Teach him to take responsibilitiy for decisions he makes.