I just found out that the father of my 11 yo is not her father. How do I tell her? Her real father is in the picture now - we are dating again.
2007-04-10 07:10:56 · 14 answers · asked by sunshine39kkla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I do want to tell her now due to the fact that I don't want her think later in life that her life was a lie. She is close to both men. Very close to the man that is raising her, he's also the father of her younger siblings. Yes, mom made a mistake 11 years ago having an affair - but I think she has a right to know. Maybe will get a counselor involved to help me tell her.
2007-04-10 07:28:32 · update #1
This is such a precarious situation.... part of me wonders if you are only telling her because he is back in your life? Reality is, she needs to be told NOW and not later. She will harbour a lot of anger towards you the more you delay it. Rather tell her now and deal with the consequences. See a good therapist who will facilitate the disclosure. Find a therapist, and ask if you can tell her within the confounds of the sessions so that you can process the feelings more productively. Allow her to feel whatever it is she will feel. If you have a good relationship, it can help even more.
2007-04-10 08:21:59 · answer #1 · answered by Angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her NOW! Be sure you pay attention to behavior afterwards. She may need some sort of pediatric counseling. I am almost 23, married, and I have a baby on the way. My mother just told me less then 6 months ago that my father wasnt my father. So I asked where my dad is and she said he is dead. I didnt believe her so I did research and found out indeed he is dead. It is so hurtful tome that she waited so long. Please do your daughter a favor and sit her down by yourself and explain to her. Dont ask her to understand. Kids should never have to take on adult responsibilities. Make sure you spend extra time with her and that you answer all of HER questions.
2007-04-10 14:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by Quinn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you could do would be to use your child as a pawn to manipulate this man since he is back and you are dating. I am sure you already know this!
Dont drag the child into your dating him. She will be devastated if he leaves again. There was a reason why the relationship didn't work out before - it could happen again.
Are you collecting child support from another man - if so, he's going to want that money back... and you have to pay him!
Move slow, move smart! You can do it!
2007-04-10 14:29:35 · answer #3 · answered by DaBoomvang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How close is she with the dad who raised her? You can talk to her about how would she feel to know she had 2 dads. She needs to know that her dad od 11 years loves her and is still her dad.
See if there are any books on helping kids cope with that news.
2007-04-10 14:14:54 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T tell her now. There's no reason to. 11 is too young to deal with this issue, especially if she is close to the man who you now say is NOT her father. Think how you would have felt at 11 to have a perfect stranger suddenly introduced to you as your "real" father. Her "REAL" father is the man who has been acting as such all her life.
2007-04-10 14:13:18 · answer #5 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
what do you mean you just found out? were you not there when she was conceived? did you not know that plugging more than one guy at time and getting pregnant could mean that either guy being plugged could have fathered the child. Geesh. Tell her you messed up and because of it she has 2 daddies...good luck with that!
2007-04-10 14:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her... but make sure that she is still able to stay in contact with the man she has believed was her real father, because to her, he is her dad.
2007-04-10 14:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and be gentle and tell her the truth but just because the one guy isn't the birth father dosn't mean he isn't her father, I mean just because he didn't help make her doesn't mean he does not love him and her loving him too.
I hope you get this problem solved.
2007-04-10 14:45:45 · answer #8 · answered by Vampire Princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling her at age 11 could hurt her. I'd recommend telling her when shes probably done with school and everything. Thats what i would personally do shes gonna hate you but shes not gonna fall behind in anything cause shes done with college etc. If ya know what i mean??
2007-04-10 14:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You most definately have to be honest,if you are not she will resent you for it.Just tell her at the time you thought the other guy was her dad,but even better ,the guy who is in your life is her father.good luck
2007-04-10 14:17:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋