Why do most middle aged women give me dirty looks when they see that I am pregnant and have a 9 month old?

Question

Seriously now why is it whenever I go out whether by myself or with my husband I get dirty looks from middle aged women as though I should not be entitled to have kids. Whats worse is the comments they make I know I don't look 22 but dang I am not stupid and know how to care for my child. Is it jealousy or do they assume that I am incapable of caring for a child? Also why do women in their late 30's and early 40's intentionally get pregnant and then whine about it or worse become emotional when their child has down syndrome or other complications. I think that is just selfish to do that considering you will be near retirement age when their child is just turning 18. Just something I have noticed is there this war between 20 something moms and 30 something moms? Thoughts and personal experiences welcome.

Answer 1

Tanya,

I think that what you're interpretting as "dirty looks" from middle-aged women has nothing to do with judgment, and everything to do with concern - unless you're not taking care of the child you have, and that doesn't sound like it's the case, at all..

They're very likely visualizing what motherhood was like for them with a 9-month-old, and they know that it will be a lot of work. On top of that, that expression probably also means, "I'm glad it's not me, starting all over."

As far as it being "selfish" for women in their later years to want to have children, I encourage you to not judge them, just as you do not want to be judged. When you find yourself at that age, and feeling very youthful and healthy, you might have very different thoughts about this. Life experience will give you a lot of information.

And as for there being a war between 20-something moms and 30-something moms, I think you may just be having a rough day, sweetheart. There's no "war" out there - well, at least not between, the moms of the world, anyway. Motherhood is the toughest job in the world, and they're all doing the best they can with the tools they were given, just like you.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Support the mothers of the world. Best of luck to you with both of your little ones.

Answer 2

I saw that look back when I had a 2 1/2 year old-- a 10 month old and a 1 month old. It's probably not a dirty look but one of sympathy. In all I have 7 Imagine the looks I got!!!!!!!! Sorry they made you feel bad. Just ignore their ignorance.

Answer 3

i suppose they are thinking OMG she has a little and is pregnant again! Thats what i would think anyway. my bro and i was born a year and day apart, so my mom got pregnant like 3months after my bro with me. i guess women who look at you with a "dirty" look are wondering why so soon and how you are going to manage. i never really cared for kids b/c they need a lot of attention and time and i don't think kids really care for me b/c im strict and old school. im having my first in 10 weeks. i give myself the "dirty" look, like what are you doing, jas?! but my mom wanted a family so she could have someone to spend time with thats why she had us quickly. but i think you should get them all out they way instead of waiting.

Answer 4

Honey don't you worry about ANYONE looking at you whatever way or saying stuff to you or judging you!!!!!!!! Don't waste your time or you will make yourself sick!!!! I was 23 with my first child; I am now 32 with 4 kids and another on the way!!!!!!! It doesn't matter what age you are sweetie. What matters is the fact that you love your kid(s) and take care of them and they are the MOST important people in your life. God Bless You!!

Answer 5

your talking about older woman judging you because you look young while pregnant and have a toddler. but why in the hell are you judging older woman for having children at an older age, it seems like your the pot calling a kettle black. your complain about them judging you, but turn around and doing the same thing judging them, Dang have you ever hear the statement treat others how you want them to treat you, have some respected for other people business and maybe they will respected you.
28 mother of 3 pregnant again
and i don`t even look my age!!!

Answer 6

My son and daughter are 13 months apart. I don't know if people looked at me weird while I was pregnant with either. I was 23 when my son was born. My husband I had kids when we thought we were ready. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You know that your a good mom and that is all that matters in life.

Answer 7

I don't know about other moms, but I do know that I'd feel some sympathy for you. It's very hard to have 2 of them small at the same time. It can be done, but it is hard. I know. My kids were just a year & 20 days apart.

Answer 8

I dont think there is a war... between the 20 somethings and 30 somethings....but i do know that doctors suggest you wait 18 months after having a baby.... to concieve the next baby....because you body is not in the best shape after you give birth, you run the risk of having a premature baby... your baby feeds off of your nutrients.... so your supply is depleated after you have given birth. and it takes that long to get back those lost nutrients...and what not. so they could be looking at you that way...

my hubby says that he wants to have kids back to back....but I do want to wait a year between the two..because... The health of the baby is more important....to me than.....having kids close in age.

Answer 9

My mom was 22 when she had me, and she says she got the same; people were always staring at her like she was too young to have a baby. Of course, now I'm 18 and she's only 41, which she's loving. :P

Some people just stick their nose too much into others' business. Just smile at anyone giving you funny looks; it'll mess with them.

Answer 10

well if you don't look your age but look younger I guess they are judging you for having children so young. Just give them a dirty look back or come up with a good come back. Nobody's bussness but your own when you want to have children and how close in age they are going to be.