What do you think?

Question

My sister is getting married next month and she decided that she was going to have a destination wedding. It is for 5 days and cost over $2,000 a couple. None of our family, including our parents, have the money to go on such a trip. Her fiances family does though. She said her reasoning for having this type of wedding is because they couldnt afford a wedding here, so they chose this because they will get to have a honeymoon instead of a small wedding here. The problem is that she's hurt that neither of her sisters or her parents can be there. Do you think she has the right to be? She chose to do this knowing that none of us have money. We hardly get our bills paid yet we should be able to take 5 unpaid days off of work, spend $2,000 plus money for a gift and find sitters for our children for a week or bring our babies out of the country. It just doesnt make sense. I just say that noone has a right to be mad on any side, it is what it is. What do you think? Thanks in advance

Also, should we be part of her wedding shower since we aren't even going to the wedding?

Answer 1

She shouldn't be mad.....but if my little girls grow up and throw a wedding that I can't attend because it is going to cost too much for me to attend----I WILL BE LIVID!!

I can't believe your sister is going to purposely exclude her sister and parents from her wedding just so she can get a honeymoon?? Why doesn't she just elope??

I am sorry for you....I bet you are sad that you don't get to participate in this special day.

Answer 2

I think if your sister knew in advance of making these plans that it would be difficult at best (and probably closer to improbable) for her family and parents to attend her wedding, then she really doesn't have the right to be hurt here. That's a BIG I think...because are you for certain sure that she's 100% aware of the reasoning behind your decisions to remain at home. Many brides tend to get wrapped up in their planning and what not, and forget about everyone else in their lives. Not saying that's right, but it happens. I would hope your parents and you have all told her your financial difficulties in attending a destination wedding. And you're right, no one has the right to be mad, it is what it is.

Maybe a solution would be for everyone in the family to put together enough money for Mom and Dad to attend. I understand taking time off work (unpaid) and having to find child care for 5 days is quite the financial burden, but your parents shouldn't have the child care burden anymore. They also don't have to take 5 days off work, they can get there for the wedding, and leave right after. I don't know where the wedding is, you mentioned out of the country, but there's still time to put it together for your parents to be there. I know I would go into any amount of debt I had to in order to be at my daughter's wedding, and I wouldn't care if it were on Pluto, I'd be there unless I was in the hospital or dead.

On the bridal shower, yes, you should all go. You're invited to the wedding, you're choosing not to go. It would be different if you weren't invited to the wedding, but that's not the case. So you should all attend the shower, bring gifts that you can afford. I would also get her a wedding gift as well. Make her something personal just from you, that will have sentimental meaning to her (and you.)

This is one of those lovely family situations where communication is key. Tell your sister your concerns, and listen to hers. Maybe she has some ideas that you haven't thought up yet. If you approach it with the attitude of "lets see how we can make this work" rather than "there's no way in heck this will ever work," sometimes you find solutions where you didn't expect them. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 3

First of all, are you angry at her or happy for her?

At such occasions, many people find themselves slighted, hurt, or just ignored. With so many details at such an exciting time of life, it's a problem to just keep up.

As for your family. I actually think your sister was wrong, but I don't know your family's relationships, and history. Most brides wouldn't take a move without their family with them. This is in a tradtidional/conventional situation.

Parents? Sure she slighted them, too. but only if this is a traditional family situation.

So the answer is, if she is angry with you all for not being there, that's her fault. She could have done something else locally, I don't care what money they didn't have. Make-do.

Do you then retaliate? Why? Do you have bad relationships with each other? If you are truly happy for her, why not reassure her of this by attending her shower and putting the best face possible on a bad situation?

If this is more than just a case of being forced to not attend due to her decision (she clearly was not thinking of her family. Who NEEDS a honeymoon?), or a case of sour grapes, another answer would be necessary.

She should, of course, be eager to make it up to you. I refer you to my comment on traditional/conventional relationships. i suggest she start the day she gets home, and not stop until you beg her off, happy and grateful she loves you all, despite an unwise decision.

Hope I helped!

Answer 4

she has no right to be mad. i'm having a destination wedding and i planned it while knowing that some people would not be able to make it. she should not expect people to come or if she does she should break out her check book and make it happen! is there anyway she could have a small ceremony or party when she gets back so her family can at least attend? and it's really not proper etiquette to have a bridal shower at all unless there is some sort of party upon their return but if she does have it i would participate as much as you like. you're not obligated to because you're not attending the wedding.

Answer 5

She should not be hurt or surprised that those with financial issues cannot make it to the wedding. She should have thought of that before even planning the wedding and if she wanted them to be there she would either have paid for them or put the location somewhere where they could make it.

I would still do the shower though, especially since they cannot make it to the wedding.

Answer 6

That's the downside of having a DW,

She should understand that you guys don;t have the funds to go, In reality, most couples that choose a DW are by themselves or with very few people by them. If she wants you to go and knows that none of you can afford it, then she should foot the bill or else, accept the fact that money is as impediment.

As far as teh wedding shower, yes, you are supporse to go and give her a gift, speccially since you will not be at the wedding.

Good luck

Answer 7

Well she chose to have her wedding abroad so has to accept that not everyone can afford that, it's up to her and what her priorities are, it seems that a honeymoon is higher up the list. I'm not criticising, I believe everyone should have the wedding they want. I don't think that you should be bitter about it tho, go to her shower, she's still your sister and will need her family's love and support.

Answer 8

attend the shower to show ur support but dont feel bad that u cant afford to make the wedding. this is life and the way the economy is now she should understand.

Answer 9

Well, she's made a bad choice, but she suffers the consequences then. Yes, attend a shower.

Answer 10

hey doniesha