Wedding pictures ... how can I make them understand?

Question

My parents have three 8" x 10" pictures of myself and my ex-husband prominently displayed in their living room. I have asked a couple of times if they wouldn't mind moving them as I find it upsetting to see them every time I visit but they refuse on the grounds that it reminds them of "a lovely day".

I have now met someone else who I'd like to introduce to my parents but these pictures are putting me off taking him there. Should I broach the subject again or am I being too sensitive?

Answer 1

I would tell them that you do not remember the person as being so lovely and you are having trouble moving on when you see those pictures every time you visit your parents. I would also provide a couple of pictures of yourself, maybe with your parents, to replace those pictures.

I would also tell them that you would like your beau to meet them, but those pictures could make both you and him uncomfortable.

By the way, I totally agree with you. My wife had a relationship with a man who abused her and at my brother-in-law's house there was a picture of him on the wall long after we got married. My wife complained every time we went there, but the picture was screwed into the wall. A friend finally pulled it down and fixed the picture so that he is not in it any more.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 2

You should broach the subject again. They should have plenty of fond memories of you that remind them of a lovely day. There is no need whatsoever for them to continue to display pictures of you and your ex husband. If they refuse then simply don't take the new man in your life over there.

Answer 3

I don't think you're being too sensitive but you might have more luck if you change tactics. Ask if they can keep their reminder of the "lovely day" in a more private room of the house so that you're not reminded of the painful times that followed every time you visit. Asking them to move it instead of take it down might get a better response.

Answer 4

Your parents are being idiots. No biggie....many parents ARE! lol.

Here'w what you do. Make an appointment for a photo session for yourself and your parents and maybe your siblings or kids, etc.

Plan a nice brunch or lunch afterward or a trip to a show or museum...something your folks will enjoy.

Tell them you have a surprise day planned for them and they need to get dressed up and look their best.

Take them for a family photo shoot (sans your X) and tell them that as a gift to them, you will pay for the photo shoot and you will pay for 3 8 x10 pictures to replace the ones of your wedding. Then frankly state that as a gift to YOU, they could graciously accept your offer and they could be sensitive to your wishes and take down the ones that are up now. They could move those to their bedroom or to a photo album.

If they do not comply with such a simple wish, then do not visit them in their home for a while and do not introduce them to your new boyfriend.

Hopefully you will be planning such a "lovely day" with the photo shoot, meal, activity, etc. that they will accept your generous offer and do what is right.

Otherwise, withdraw for a bit. That will open their eyes.

Answer 5

If your parents have fond memories of your wedding and want to keep the pictures in their home, let them. But explain to your new b/f about them before you go to their house. Also, you could present them with a similar picture of just you which could replace the ones they have if they would like, or perhaps you have some you could have blown up to the correct size that show other family members enjoying the day but not your ex. Also, your parents could have a fondness for your ex and don't want to come out and say it for fear you will be angry. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

i find it strange that your parents would keep something on display that they know upsets you.
my partner and i split a week after my mothers wedding and she will not to this day put group photos from the wedding or show people photos where we are pictured as a couple for fear that it will upset me. it would still be strange for me to see photo's of my ex and i playing happy families.

you are not being over-sensitive and i think you should try and have a quiet word with which ever parent you feel will be the most supportive of you request.

good luck & good luck with your new man.

Answer 7

no, you are not. I wish my husband felt the same way you did....we've been married 9 years and his parents still have a VERY LARGE picture of him and his ex (who were only together 5 years) in their living room. He doesn't see a problem, and I think it's disrespectful. You could always play the guilt card and say that it upsets you so much to see that photo that you'll be forced not to visit if they can't take it down.

Answer 8

Tell your parents that you have moved on and are building a new life for your self tell them the pictures are moved or you wont visit until they are
see what they say were you the guilty party are there children involved if so they may be doing it for them but it is wrong to do so

Answer 9

i think if they displayed only on pic it wouldnt be so bad. but as it is a painful memory for you then ask them to put it somewhere else where it wont be in view so much. or tell them straight "mom dad please take them down as it is a very painful reminder for me and im sure my happiness means so much more than the pictures?, if not then i cannot continue coming here as i just leave upset."
that should work and if not put off going there for awhile(still see your parents but make them come to u or something.) then maybe then they will remove them

Answer 10

No , you are not, I would ask your parents to maybe have just 1 photo of the ' lovely day ' out, put the other two away, but then if you have told your new fella about yourself, then he should not be too surprised to see a photo of the day, but just 1,, maybe in time when your parents realise you have got someone new ie, a long term relationship, then maybe they will do as you ask.