Am i being selfish??

Question

my partner is pregnant we are both over the moon, problem is so is her mother. her mum is so supportive which is great but i feel like im being pushed out!!, at the scan her mother took the seat next to my gf whilst i was stood in the corner!! i felt like it had nothing to do with me and couldnt even see the screen properly!!, she wants her mum at the birth which is up 2 her but i just dont want to be stood in the corner again!, also we had antinatal yesterday an i was supposed to be working, instead of her asking me to take the day off she said dont worry mum will go with me, her mum culdnt make it in the end so i went anyway!! am i just a tottaly paranoid selfish git or am i right in feeling left out? please help

Answer 1

No you are not being selfish it is your kid to, tell your mother in law to sit in the corner. No you are not selfish at all, I wanted to do everything with my wife and you should be able to as well. Your wife should be grateful you actually care about all that to, a lot of blokes I know dont give a toss.

Answer 2

No, you're not being selfish. Sounds like it could be the other way around. Just be a little patient and see if the novelty wears off for her mum.

I would set the expectation that you want to be front-row for the delivery and that if mum is there, she should be taking her place in the corner rather than you. You are the father and you should be there with your wife.

You have been more than accomodating so far, keep that up, but just make sure that she is clear on the delivery. And just be there for your wife and go with the flow on all the other stuff.

Answer 3

You are not being selfish at all, it is your baby and she is wrong to be pushing you out. However you have to realise that she is excited of the prospect of being a grandparent. Her daughter is her child and she is probably feeling protective over her. When i was in labour with my first i had my partner and both of my parents there up until i had to have my caesarian. I am now pregnant with my second and my step-mum is exactly the same as your mother-in-law and im sure my husband feels the same, mention it to your wife and she should make the effort to include you more and her mum may realise she is pushing you out. Good luck with the baby and congratulations.

Answer 4

It is your baby, it is normal to want to be involved wholly & completely. Explain this to your girlfriend, if you cannot do this cos it makes you uncomfortable then just don't let yourself be pushed into the corner. Find a different way to help, if your mother-in-law is already doing something. You are not being paranoid, selfish or a git. Your feelings are your own & right now you are feeling left out...so do something about it. Congratulations!

Answer 5

Have you thought about this Your girlfriend could be scared and need her mum there. Its a big deal having a baby and obviously her mums been there before so she is looking to her mum for reassurance that all will be ok. Explain to your girl how u feel and ask her if next time she has an app. can u attend with her, before u go get on your computer and research what is going to happen so u can explain it to her like her mother is probably doing

Answer 6

Wow I wish my husband had your enthusiasm!!!

You are definately not being selfish, and your partner really better watch herself here that she doesn't leave you out!

If you can't say anything to your mother in law, and if your partner can't get it through to her either, then I would suggest that at the next appointment and especially during the birth, pull the doctors and nurses aside as soon as you can and let them know that she's being too pushy and you really don't want to miss out on anything and to ask for their help in getting her out of the way. I'm sure that if the person doing the ultrasound knew how you felt, they would have said something like "Oh that seat is for the father...". Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't think your being selfish at all. It's your baby, you have every right to be involved. You should have told the mother in law to stand in the corner. Tell your gf how you feel. It's good to see a father wanting to be so involved, my partner came to all my scans and antinatal visits.

Answer 8

I can understand how you feel! I would have a sit down with your girlfriend and tell her that while you don't mind her mum being with you all the time, you'd like to also experience this wonderful event with her and her alone sometimes. Perhaps she doesn't know how you feel. If she goes to the next scan and gets in your way, you can gently say something like "excuse me, I'd like to see my baby for a bit" That may give her a subtle hint.

If you don't start talking to your girlfriend about this now, it will only get worse with a meddling grandmother. You need to tell her how you feel ignored during this and that you feel her mum is taking over.

Good luck!

Answer 9

your feelings are totally understandable and I think you need to have a talk with your girlfriend about it. Let her know that you are fine with the fact that she wants her mother to be there, youre not askng for her not to be, but you would just appreciate it more if you got to sit next to her when she has her scan and were more involved. Tell her that you will take the time off work for all of the antenatal appoinments and if her mother still wants to come then she can tag along but you need to be the one who comes first out of you and her mother. Im sure she will understand.

Good luck

Answer 10

I had my mom involved with my first labor, and while it was a great expeirence for her, I really much preferred my subsequent labors with just my partner. you should never be made to stand in the corner.. not fair at all, my last pregnancy I had twins and the ultrasound tech didn't let my husband in with me and told me about the twins, he really felt left out being brought in after I already knew and I had to tell him, the whole pregnancy/birth expierence is a wonder and you should be involved, it's one of the only ways you have to bond with baby before the birth, maybe you could it explain it that way, she gets to carry, feel the baby move, etc. and that you would like to have those moments peeking into the womb with her!