I just had it out with the guy who my wife ran off with?

Question

Its been 5 months since my highschool sweetheart of 15 years ran off with a coworker. She rewrote the whole marriage to justify her actions with him he's a school teacher. Well tonight on the phone he had a little attitude and it was like hoover dam broke. I've been holding the anger in for 5 months and for some reason I feel so good now. Unless you go through a spouce committing adultry you have no idea. I know it seems immature but the fuse was lit and there was no stopping it. I told him how she gambled 50k 3 years ago and we had to file for bankruptcy. I'm sure that will be discused tonight. Look I know some of you will think I'm being childish and immature but it needed to happen it was a very emotional divorce. Can anyone out there relate to this type of situation? I called my dad and told him what happened and he said well it could have been worse theirs plenty of people in prison for killing the guy who ran off with the bride.

Answer 1

I don't think you're childish. You needed closure to the relationship and this is how you got it. You didn't hurt anyone, and you said what you felt. Good for you!!

Answer 2

I guess my question is, why were you on the phone with this guy? Were you trying to reach your wife? If she has a cell phone, you might want to try using that, even if you know she's at home. That way, you reduce your chances of having to talk to the guy. If they don't like it, tough...she shoulda thought about that before she left you, & he shoulda thought about that before interfering with someone else's sacred vows.

Did you act childishly and immaturely? Maaaybe just a bit. Did you act like a human? Most definitely. Your dad is right; it could've been worse. My best suggestion would be to vent to your dad before Hoover Dam breaks...Doing that will save you potential trouble - be it hostile feelings, future arguments, or physical confrontations - in the future. Also, if you can keep your cool around your wife & the guy, you'll keep them guessing, which is always fun. Keeping your cool will also benefit your kids & any mutual friends by easing the situation for them. If you can't reach your dad, though, you might consider taking up some kind of physical activity (if you don't already have one) in which you can channel & release your anger in a safe, private environment. Just slugging the punching bag at the gym works pretty well for me...builds arm muscles, too. :D

As far as the rewritten history, if you have or can build a relationship of trust with your friends & family, they'll learn to trust you over her...after all, she's the one who forsake your marriage by lying & cheating. Let your wife & the guy live in their little fantasyland...the happiness they think they've found won't last long.

Answer 3

I can understand entirely what you are saying. I am a qualified counsellor and what we, "as professionals" , will not advocate revenge....it solves nothing. But boy, when confronted with such a horrible thing personally when a husband/wife betrays you, your whole world blows apart. You are very right, no-one knows how good it feels unless they have been through what you and I have been through.

I went through an absolute horrible time when my marriage split....I drank too much....made stupid decisions....I was a mess. I just wanted to understand why he did what he did to me. I struggled with my emotions for so long. I got no answers from him, not even an apology, and I thought I deserved more....I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me, and while I would never tell anyone to do what I did, it still felt good....lol I wont go into all the detail because you may think Im a lunatic.....but boy oh boy, revenge was so sweet......he cried....I hit him where it hurt....in his money belt.....I destroyed all his possessions.....he had nothing left....not even a televion. He could have had me charged I guess, but at the time I didnt care. No counsellor on this earth could have made me feel better than how I did at that particular time. I obviously moved on from there, and it WAS a silly thing to do....but even 12 years down the track I can still remember the europhoric feeling I felt then. Yep, I understand exactly how you are feeling.

Answer 4

After an eleven year relationship which also entailed four years of marriage and a beautiful baby daughter(not a long time but consider we were 16 and 17 at the time), my schoolteacher ex-wife cheated on me with the best man at our wedding - and he moved in before I left - you would agree I make the 'cut' to share? Mate I totally feel the lost, angry and empty feelings you have...Two things to consider: It's an unknown outcome to confront another man about such a personal thing, men have died over this before and more will. Me personally I had my daughter to consider as an altercation would've almost certainly damned future contact with her. And do you know what? I know all the 'Man bulls#*!' that says we have to knock them over to uphold our status or feel better but, at the end of the day man, 'she' went mate didn't she? - why want or fight for someone who doesn't want you brother? Think now about a fresh start and take the valuable lessons from this into a new and better relationship with quite possibly a better woman. Small consolation I know but the childhood sweetheart thing - we wouldn't suggest it to our kids would we. We're supposed to play the feild hard when we're young then, as a seasoned man settle down with a 'one true love'. Let'em go mate, they can have eachother and maybe one day when you're happily married to a beautiful,strong and loyal woman - she'll split with him because he cheated on her - a fitting justice to all you cheaters man or woman!!

Answer 5

I suppose you can continue to attempt to cause problems with their relationship. However, your wife or soon to be ex wife will only become more disgusted with you. You are just having alot of trouble letting her go. Sometimes we ignore the truth because it hurts.

The truth and reality of the situation is that she is not coming back to you. She is in love with another man. Hopefully, one of these days you will quit exhibiting your childish and immature behavior and accept the fact that your wife doesn't want to be with you anymore. Perhaps, if you were to examine things in an unemotional and analytical manner, you'd understand why she left you for him. Maybe she gambled away 50k 3 years ago because she was unhappy and bored out of her skull with you?

Answer 6

Sometimes you just need to yell and let it all out..

Yes I have been through a spouse cheating and running off.. My 1st husband cheated then ran off with our babysitter (try explaining that one to the kids)... While I was angry and hurt at first I can now see I am much better off without him and we have tried to work together for the good of our two children...

There have been several times I have had to hold my tongue as I listened to him rewriting history to make himself look better..

In the cause of harmony between us for the sake of our children I have decided to let him rewrite history to suit himself the only one he is deluding is himself.. When he starts rewriting the children usually turn to me knowing I will fess up to all the horrible things I have done.. With one look they know to treat thier dad's latest rewrite as the tall tale it is..

However, I did delight in asking him each and every phone call "How is the homewrecking S.L.U.T, Oh I mean your delightful wife" for a couple months because it made him see red and scream like a banshee (Ok it made me feel better knowing it got him so worked up) .. But I did get over that childishness within a year.. And never said it in front of the kids...

Now we work together for the good of our kids.. That includes me and my husband and my ex and his wife (the babysitter) who I actually like now (Talk about a hard pill to swallow at first)..

Answer 7

yes hes right but she already tried to ruin your life she wins twice if you let her take your life from you(jail) its not worth it. You will love again. Even if she came back it would not be the same she wouldnt respect you as a man she would continue to use you as a stepping stone until she finds what she wants. Shes in human if she can lay next to you all those years and dont have feelings for you. Trust me walk away and she will one day rethink her actions. When she gets hurt she will think about how she did you and when shes down and out she will think about what you two had.

Answer 8

lol :) How funny and good for you Scott. I think that it was wise for you to get the emotions off of your chest although you probably just did your "enemy" a favor ;). I would suggest that you talk to a pastor or someone who you can talk to about your situation that you trust(like your dad) to let all the feelings go and then to let her go....in your own time of course. It is hard to get over.....actually, it is something you may never get over, but just come to terms with. I personally didn't ever want to talk to my ex's lover and didn't want to see her either. But in the end, he didn't cheat on you, your wife did and you just have to work through the anger. Its a long process and 3 years later, I still have trouble thinking about it. Good luck and God bless you!

Answer 9

Look, you are the bigger person in this situation. I will in no way call you immature. This is a defining moment for you, holding things in wasn't the healthy way to go. Good for you!!! And by the way I believe in Karma. Do you???

Answer 10

Your dad is right. It take a real man to hold it in 5 months and just now breaking. I believe everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't worry about her and him. She is his problem now. He wanted her so bad, now let him file bankrupt and probably worst.