My boyfriend is the jealous type. He cannot stand me talking to any of my guy friends. I live with him and everything is great. But when he drinks, he brings up stuff that has nothing to do with us now. Its been a year of us living together. I have a 3yr old boy thats not his, and he takes real good care of him. My biggest problem with him is how hes so controlling of what i do, where i go, and who i talk to... Im not sure i can continue like this. I love him to death, but i need my space. I've tried talking to him about how i feel. He told me this last week, "Whats the point of me being here if hes not gonna be able to tell me what to do." I know im a good housewife and everything but this is too much for me. What do you think i should do? Stay and keep on trying? Or just leave for good? The seven years i known him changed alot from the momment we moved in together.......
2007-04-09 20:06:11 · 12 answers · asked by kissy13 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Firstly i really sympathise with your problem and i do understand what you are saying , i think saying leave a relationship is sometimes an easy thing for other people to say as they are not involved emotionally , however if he has his good points and he is good with your child and you love him like you said you did then maybe try some third party guidance like "Relate " they will listen to you both and help in a unbias way i believe in sorting things out if something is worth saving ? Only you know the answer to that in your heart ?
All the best to you .
2007-04-09 20:25:37 · answer #1 · answered by daz1br 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that hes taking care of a child thats not his shows how much of a good man he is, but controlling you just isnt going to work out. It will probably just get worse but then again you will never know. Yeah it might just be him telling you what to do right now, but what if things get physical and he starts hitting you and your son. You even mentioned yourself that hes changed. But then again what have you done for him to be so controlling? Did you have certain ways before you got with him that he knows about? Everything adds up, and if it gets worse you better follow what your heads saying and not your heart.
2007-04-10 03:31:45 · answer #2 · answered by *yeska* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just hope it does not result into an abuse. If you have given him reason to be jealous then don't be disappointed with his reaction, but if not, then talk to him. I would not say you move out of a relationship that has a child involved (even if not his). And a housewife, in this age? I am surprised, what happens if he dumps you tomorrow? If you had been working, am sure the level of jealousy would be minimised, think about it.
2007-04-10 05:47:04 · answer #3 · answered by nelly G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust me hun - you need to leave. This guy is a control freak and the fact he actually said that to you is substantial evidence!
You dont sound happy - and even though you two have been together for a long time - chances are he's only going to get worse - my other concern is the fact that he could then start controlling your child.
This man sounds dangerous - and chances are if you do try and leave he will make it hard for you - but you only get one life and you cant waste yours by being dominated by this man - you and your child deserve happiness and freedom to make individual choices in your life - you will not be able to do this if you stay with this man.
xx
2007-04-10 07:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that you have to realize is that love is not suppose to be a painful event in your life, it is suppose to be a joyous one. If a person has to down you to feel better about themselves, then that is not love sweetheart. What you need to do is make a list of the things that you are looking for in a relationship and see how many of those things you are getting with this man. Then you need to decide whether or not those qualities that he does have are worth living in a loveless relationship. Real love is neither controlling or hurtful, it is giving and sharing and doing anything in your power to make that person happy.
2007-04-10 03:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by lily_florance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation with a girl. It go to a point where her controlling nature reached extremes, just got worse and worse... when ever I spoke to anyone, although perfectly innocent, where ever I went what ever I did, she had to know, either be there or would call me and call me and call me! drove me crazy in the end, and I could not get her to see the more she acted this way the further away she pushed us. In the end for my own sanity I had to get out. Unfortunately unless he can be made to see what he is doing, and that his jealousy is his problem not yours, then he will simply kill the relationship. Sorry not a positive comment here, But you have to think about you and your daughter eventually you will end up hating him!
2007-04-10 04:30:44 · answer #6 · answered by djp6314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah! he is jealous.
He has reasons to be jealous too. You are with him for the last seven years, and you've a 3 years old kid who is not his !!!
He may be thinking that you have other plans on your mind. Your trying to feel independent is not wrong, however since he feels insecure, he keeps trying to control your activities.
I'm a man, and I guess if you are really in love with him, and not have any 'other' plans on your mind, keep him informed of your activities in advance, that'll not make him jealous. In case you've had it enough, and can't tolerate anymore, move ahead in live.
2007-04-10 03:19:49 · answer #7 · answered by sameer s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already determined that he is controlling. This usually leads to abuse. Don't allow anyone to have control over you. And since you said he is bringing up stuff that doesn't apply when he is drinking, this may be a sign on an alcoholic. Move on fast. Don't waste your life on this kind of person.
2007-04-10 03:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bit where he says(whats the point of you being here if he dosent tell you what to do)says it all.you do not take orders from anyone.this is controlling and if he dosent curb it now it will get worse.he either sees that he has a problem and seeks help or you leave.up to you but remember you have a little boy to think about it may not be healthy for him to see this man controlling his mum.
2007-04-10 03:46:27 · answer #9 · answered by fairy_gdmthr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave. You have obviously been trying to change things, but it seems like he is not very open to change. He also seems to have some control issues. No one should be that controlling, or try to restrict who you talk to. If you have talked to him, and he absolutely won't listen, it is probably time to leave him.
2007-04-10 03:12:03 · answer #10 · answered by consumingfire783 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋