Would a gay man break up a long term marriage?

Question

A male friend is concerned that his wife has turned into what society deems a faghag, ( a woman who spends alot of time with gay men). He has talked to her and shows his concern that she spends alot of time with two gay men who are neighbors. They hug alot, exchange gifts, and have started saying "I Love You", to each other. This is an older couple, in their late 50's and 60's. He feels his wife is being manipulated and that the gay couple wants nothing to do with him. They don't talk to him, other than to ask how his wife is or where she is at. He is frustrated and does not know if his marriage is in jeopardy. What do you think?

Answer 1

I would tell your friend that it should come as no shock that her friends (be they female or male) can often come between them in their relationship. The fact that they are gay males should NOT instill some feeling of liberal guilt that says that gay males can do nothing wrong.

Have him pretend they were straight females and determine how he would react?

Personally, I would talk to my wife. Change will start there. If she's not willing to discuss the issue or thinks there is no problem, then I would go to marriage counseling (alone if necessary) and try to see what options I have. The sooner he addresses this the better, though.

Answer 2

If the two guys are gay, I seriously doubt they are trying to break up the marriage. They are just friends with the wife, in a platonic way. Would he be as worried if she were spending all this time with a new woman friend? If he is feeling left out he should either talk to his wife and let her know he would like to spend more time with her, or make more of an effort to be friendly with the neighbors so they will start including him. They probably sense that he is suspicious of them and that's why they don't want him around.

Answer 3

Well I think the fact that the guys are gay is irrelevant. The problem with the situation is that the wife is developing a private life away from her husband. It IS ok for spouses to have parts of their life be private, but if these parts start to take over their entire life then it ends up that they no longer share anything with their partner. So I would tell your friend to try to spend more time with his wife and not let their bond crumble. I would tell him to treat the gay men just like some girlfriends of his wife. He needs to give her the respect to have hobbies/friends of her own. She doesn't have to share EVERYTHING with him. Tell him to take her on some dates!

Answer 4

Any friend, regardless of sexual orientation, who is seeming to be putting down your friend's marriage is not a good friend. Is her husband "homo-phobic"?....Maybe the neighbors know this and have tried to limit their conversation and interaction with him for that reason. Obvisouly her husband is bothered by this and he should discuss it with her. I would leave out the part of their sexual prefrences because she will just get defensive. He needs to tell her that he isnt getting enough attention and his concern with saying words of endearnment to other men (gay or not). It may be a simply misunderstanding or something else may be going on. The only way to know is if he talks to her about the issue. But no, my first thought would not be that their marriage is in danger.

Answer 5

I think that the gay couple obviously give the wife the emotional support that she doesn't get from her husband. She should talk with him. Chances are she's confided things about her husband to this couple. I'm sure the gay couple would love nothing more than to have her husband as a friend as well

Answer 6

I think having these people in her life has enlightened her to the mysterious male race that enjoys other men like she does.
It is a gift to a woman to have received the honour of becoming a gay mens hag.I couldn't say Fhag because yahoo banned that term. I think it would further be very good indeed to have these dudes in her social network and can only help her reach a sort of pinnacle in life where she feels supported and loved. and liked by her peers. I highly doubt that they would be interested in her sexually as most women are aware of gay men is that they like MEN She may become very rich and successful because of these guys in her life as it will teach her a certain degree of tolerance and acceptance within the diverse world we all live in.

Answer 7

His wife is turning to your neighbors to meet needs that are otherwise being left unmet. His pain is getting in the way of recognizing the problems that exist WITHIN their marriage. I recognize he is probably doing the best he can to figure this out, but feeling like a victim in this situation is only going to increase the distance between him and his wife.

The problem is not the neighbors, but marriage. I imagine that he is, quite frankly, not as much fun to be around as the neighbors, at least for his wife. Metaphorically, for the three of them, they're like girlfriends with one another. He should stop taking his wife's attention for granted, get off his derriere and go have some fun with the three of them. Otherwise, he looks like a homophobic fuddy-duddy.

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Answer 8

i have gay friends and my gay friends have used that word towards me before. and yes they say they love you and you go out to eat and buy each other gifts and everything else you would do with any straight friend. your husband doesn't have to worry about her and the gay friends they are just that. i think he may be more hurt that she is away from her husband and is having more fun with her gay friends and he isnt' included in these things. why not try talking to the lady and asking her husband to join in. he probably not interested as they are gay men. but maybe they could reach a happy medium.

Answer 9

All I have to say is every women needs a gay guy friend. If her husband isn't happy with them spending time together, then he should spend more time with her. All women want is a guy to say shes beautiful without wanting sex all the time.

Answer 10

Well i think youre friend is wrong. Women relate to any relationship ,be it homo or bi... better than men its a fact. Maybe your friend needs to go have a talk with these guys..sort this out. He probably has a problem with this. Your his friend talk to him into fronting the guys.