Why is it that I can not keep myself from gravitating to people who are hurting?

Question

I don't get me sometimes. I am drawn to them like a moth, who knowingly is trying to flap his wings backward from the flame, but can't. Its not that I feel I am an answer to anyone's prayers. I just feel the need to be there and help. I need to figure their pain out because I feel it too. I keep thinking that if I can ease things a bit or give a glimmer of hope than we're all better for it. Even people I have had a bad history with- I still want to help sort things out for them, make sure that the most stinging pain is better. After that I can go on being disgruntled or disappointed or whatever. How twisted is that?

Answer 1

You are avoiding your own problems by digging deep into someone elses. Time to get your head out of the sand. Don't waste your life. You need to find out more about yourself. You will never be happy until you find happiness in yourself. If you can't do it on your own, consult a therapist. If you can't afford a therapist, there are plenty of self-help books in your local library. Don't wait until you are old and gray before you do something about it. Take the reins, you are supposed to be in charge of your life. Start enjoying life while you are still young. Good Luck!

Answer 2

There is a great book called the General Theory of Love that talks about why and how we are drawn to certain people as friends or loved ones.

The idea is that we each have a sort of emotional "key" we have grown into. As it has a particular pattern and shape, we then attract/find "locks" that fit our key.

For ex: If you "are" a compassionate key, you may continually find locks that are in need of compassion.

It follows that the way to change who you gravitate towards is to change the shape your own key, in order to attract different "locks."

The authors give very real and helpful ideas for putting this into play in your life. Smart and beautifully written.

Answer 3

You seem to be a diamond in the ruff. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being compassionate! Please continue with that, it's a true blessing to be able to help another of God's creations. The pain you receive is an experience that helps you to grow to another dimension within your life span. Don't pull away, continue to bring hope into the world.... We need it, I personally thank you for your contribution to making life better and not creating more problems. You are a solution to a problem and not the problem itself. You have a beautiful spirit never let anyone steal it from you.

Answer 4

It sounds like a trait that you should be thankful for. Too many people are unfeeling. Giving is not always fun or immediately rewarding, but I'm sure that many of the people you help thank God for you. However, it also sounds like you could use some encouragement yourself. Try and find people who will give you the support you need.

May God bless you.

Answer 5

you are a protector of the weak minded and weak willed. Using Nietzsche, one can say that you are someone who wants to boost the impoverished to the upper rankings of society, but in doing so, you do not actually help them, but you hurt yourself. The people you try to help only clamor for more help, and you can't help but satisfy their hunger.

From another, more 'happy' perspective, you ought to be a social worker. those kinds of people are so desolate and wretched, that your care will do nothing but satisfy their need for your pity, and your need for their pain. Though it may not be the best thing for them, it is one of the only things that you can do to satisfy people's needs whilst staying alive. there is a film related to this, about helping 4 people, then they help 4 people... can't remember the name of ot.... anyway, the main character is stabbed to death in the end.

your hunger for their pain, and their hunger for your pity will result in a never ending cycle that will end when you tell yourself 'enough' and you stop caring for the pained, and more for yourself, you can rid yourself of this addiction.

Hope that helped, though it probably didn't. (But it may have)