My so called friend asked me if I was gay, should I be offended?

Question

I'm by no means gay and 16 and female but all of a sudden one day while sitting with my friend at lunch she asks if I was gay because I never talk about guys. I am not a really open person and I hate to talk about my feelings but yet how does that me make gay? Why would someone especially my friend be so inconsiderate? I was so shocked by the fact she thinks I'm gay that it made speechless. Despite the whole ordeal I still talk to her but I don't know if I should continue be her friend. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think it's great that you have a friend that will confide in you the personal life that makes friendships happen. I do not support gay movements, or am I gay, so this is a tough question for me.

I would suggest keeping the friendship with her, but also letting her know how you feel. It must have taken some guts for your friend to ask you because of the paranoia about asking, being gay, etc. If she felt like it was a sensible question, then no big deal. I struggled with making friends in school because I was sent to a magnet school for sports when I was in school.

Let her know that the guys around just don't interest you, you would rather experience "bigger and better" experiences,,,,,not at all sexual, but you would rather feel the world and get a sense of what you would like out of a man instead of either "jock or nerd, this or that, etc" that HS or some colleges have in place....like sororities.

Friends are really tough to come by, so maybe your friend sees someone who is attracted to you but you don't do that "cute cheerleader" dance....(metaphoric) so that she might wonder if you are interested in having dates, or proms, or dances. I know I never did that cheerleader dance that made guys like me. If she knows of people interested in you, but you blow it off, it might mean you are depressed.

In which case, what is on your mind, now? Please feel free to talk to me if you want to. I have my filter turned off, but will turn it on after this question if you want to email me. I played the sports, wasn't the prom queen like my sister, etc. I did better on a softball field than I did with relationships. My husband loves that. He moved to Calif. expecting snobby fufu chicks, but I somehow changed his mind about Calif. girls, lol.

Email me if you would like, but don't give up your friendship with her. It sounds like she is just being a friend and is growing up just like you are......btw, my daughter will be 18 this year, so I have been through just about everything with her. She has had a hard time moving to a new city because of my husband's change of former military to a regular job....etc.

Hope to hear from you......

Answer 2

I think you should talk to your friend about how this question reflects on her immaturity and naivete (sp?). It is ridiculous to jump to the conclusion that someone is gay just because they don't talk about (or show outward interest in) people of the opposite sex.

You would actually be doing your friend a favor if you told her to think before she speaks, because jumping to a conclusion like this makes her sound foolish, and it can also make other people feel uncomfortable, especially since to some poeple, a remark like your friend's could be interpreted as critical, not just curious. What I mean it, it could sound like your friend is "making sure" you're not gay because she thinks there's "something wrong" with it.

Here's another example: I don't talk much about my religious/spiritual beliefs to people, so some might assume I am an atheist. That's not true. Just as you don't like to talk about your romantic feelings, I don't like to talk about my feelings on religion and spirituality. But that doesn't mean I don't HAVE feelings on the topic. I definitely do!! :) You're welcome to use any of my examples with your friend, if you think it'll help. Good luck!

Answer 3

You are so overreacting. You shouldnt be offended because it is nothing to get hurt by. She was probably curious and since you act like your not interested in guys, you shouldnt blame her for thinking your gay. If you saw a guy buying a Cosmopolitan magazine you'd probably think he's gay. You have to ask yourself why you are getting offended. What is so bad about being asked if your gay. I think the real issue here is your confidence.

Answer 4

I'm sure your friend didn't mean to offend you and was just curious about it. She didn't out right SAY you were gay, but merely asked you a simple question,since you don't talk about a certain subject. She probably thinks since you're friends that you won't make a big deal out of it. Just explan to her and everything should be fine. HOPE I HELPED!

Answer 5

Simply tell her you're not, and then make her uncomfortable by saying "No, why? Are you?" Then SHE would be speechless. Hey you can be completely straight and not sexually active like some of your friends :). In fact, maybe you have moral standards about talking about the sex that you are attracted to. Maybe your friend needs to understand that. Just don't stop being friends with her.

Answer 6

No. You should be glad that your friend thought enough of you to ask. Evidently, even though you didn't say, you don't date and don't talk about guys. This leads other girls and guys to believe that you may be gay. They have probably asked your friend and she rather than deciding they were probably right and stopping having anything to do with you decided to ask you. Her reputation as a close friend of yours was on the line also. Contrary to popular opinion gays don't have a flashing neon sign on their forehead.

Answer 7

If it wasnt something that she has pushed and pryed about I wouldn't hold a grudge. She might be struggleing with her sexuality, or could have just been mistaken in the way she percieved you. It isnt an insult, alot of people are gay and if she is a friend of yours I doubt she was trying to hurt you.

Answer 8

I think you are totally and utterly overreacting. So what if she thought you were gay? What did you do to make her think otherwise? She asked. You told her. What is there to be angry about? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. If you act like this with all your friends, you won't have any left pretty soon. Get over it.

Answer 9

I'd be offended. But I would only tell her how I feel if she were a close friend. I would tell her that she unintentionally hurt my feelings because I'm not like that at all. I'd tell her why I act the way I act and that I was shocked she asked me that. It never feels good to be misunderstood.

Answer 10

I don't see it as that big of a deal. Just say no and move on. I wasn't all boy crazy at 16. But a lot of girls are. Just relax. It's not worth losing a friend over. If it really bugs you just tell her sometime that you were shocked that she even asked. Explain that you just keep things to yourself. It's no big deal really. Good luck. ;o)