My son stands up in his crib and cries when its time for bed?

Question

My son lately has not been going down to sleep as easily as usual. He used to just lay down and go to sleep. But lately as soon as I leave, or even when I'm there, he stands up in his crib and cries until I pick him up. He shows all the signals that he's tired. I don't normally have to rock him to sleep, he stopped that two months ago. I don't know what to do...

My son is 8 months old. Is he old enough to be minipulative like that??

Answer 1

I'm not a tough love kind of mom. I mean I'm ok letting him fuss for awhile while he puts himself to sleep, but there's a difference between letting them fuss and letting them scream their lungs out, you don't have to traumatize your children or train them to get them into a routine. I've had this problem twice with my 9 month old, once when he learned how to get into a sitting postion, he would just sit up and then cry until I came and got him. And again when he learned to pull up, he'd stand there and cry. I think the problem is that he was tired, and would have gone to sleep if only he could have layed down, but as soon as he stood up he was up. Also babies go through phases where they need extra support. What worked for me was to essentially start building him back up to going to bed on his own (just like you did months ago but it'll go alot faster). I don't know about you but I always give my son a bath before bed which really calms him down, we do the bath about an hour before bed and then have "quiet time" I put the lavender lotion on him, get him in his jammies, read to him, and then we have a bottle. I'll rock him to sleep for a few nights, and then rock him until he's almost asleep the next night and put him in bed, and slowly rock less and put him to bed more and more awake. The more he realizes it's bed time, the more likely it's ok to lay down and go to sleep.
It also helps to put him down and leave before he starts crying for you to pick him up, it's always worse for my son if he can see me but I won't hold him, he's better once I leave the room.
This is just what's worked for me but good luck!

Answer 2

Picture that you come home from work, and you're tired. You've eaten, but you feel really lonely and emotional for whatever reason (we girls know what that's like, right?). Now let's say your husband comes in the room. You really just want him to hold you because you've had a tough day. You tell him that you need him. He looks at you, and says "don't worry, you're fine," and leaves the room. How do you feel? You as an adult would potentially have the power to go after him and explain that you just need a hug. Your son does not have that power. Imagine just wanting your mother, and nothing you can do will make her come. The feeling of helplessness, the frustration. ALL he can do is cry if he needs you. And he's very little; the world can seem big and scary when you're little. People have a hard time thinking of kids as having the same types of emotional needs as adults. They DO have them, only more intensely and they're less able to express them. I'd say to just go in there and hold him if that's what he wants. That's not manipulation; that's just needing mommy. And nothing is more comforting than a mommy who knows and understands her baby's needs.

I would say to just try to look at it through his eyes and see what he sees the situation as. He's probably going through another high-need time, and needs the rocking again. No problem; I don't know many 15-year olds who still want to be rocked to sleep, so why not give him what he seems to need now? :) Hope that helps.

Edit: NO, he is not old enough to be manipulative. Babies can't communicate their needs, especially babies under a year. A good rule of thumb for kids under 1 is "babies' wants are babies' needs." The fact that his crying concerns you is a good thing; it would be worrisome if your son's crying didn't affect you. Go with your instinct, and what YOU think your son needs. You're his mom, and YOU know him best.

Answer 3

Sounds like your little boy might be going through some early stages of seperation anxiety which is very normal. Little boys love their mommys. Believe me, I have a 10 month old son, and he will walk/crawl around grabbing onto my legs most of the day, but it makes me feel special that he needs me:) It may seem hard at first, but once he's been put to bed, and should he start crying you need to let him cry. If you consistently pick him up on cue, then you are training him that you will always get him out of bed when he cries. You must train him to put himself to sleep, and he will eventually get the idea and stop crying. It might take a few nights, but it will be worth it in the long run. Babies are so much smarter than we give them credit for. He knows if he cries that you will come to rescue him. Just be strong and you'll outsmart him. Good Luck

By the way, KATE and DAWNRENEE must not have any kids if they think it's "mean" to let babies cry it out. You shouldn't let them cry for more than a few minutes or so, but if you run to them the second they let out a whimper then you are training your child to be a selfish, controlling brat that is only concerned about getting what will make them feel good, and there may not be any 15 year olds that need to be rocked, but I know of several 2 and 3 year olds that do.

Answer 4

Although I co-sleep with my son he went through a very similar stage when he just wanted to be held all the time, wanted me to lay with him during naps while he fell asleep and just became a bit more clingy than usual. It's perfectly normal.

I purchased a book called "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears and it mentions separation anxiety... which is what it is your son is going through. It's a good thing. It means he's healthfully attached to his Mommy, you, and he feels like you'll meet his needs when he cries for you. It's perfectly okay to soothe him... in fact, it's what I would do if I were you.

I know everyone has different parenting styles but I just don't understand the whole cry-it-out method. He's only 8 months old. He is NOT being manipulative. Hug that baby and hold that baby and spoil him with love all you want! It'll do no harm at all.

What you really need to do is listen to your instincts. Pay attention to how you feel in your gut. That's your maternal instinct. If your gut tells you to pick him up and rock him to sleep... do it. You know, in your gut, what's right for YOUR baby and YOUR situation. Just follow that.

Best wishes. Just remember... this too shall pass. They grow up soooo fast. Enjoy!

Answer 5

I have to say that I agree, whole-heartily, with everything that blonde_mama stated. I assisted with research in Chad, Africa in my early 20's and noticed how happy the children were there. They were held in slings constantly and they were the happiest, most well-behaved children I'd ever seen. Attachment parenting is catching on in America and I think it's such a blessing. We have a long way to go but I think we're heading in the right direction.

To refute what Madison's Mother said. My child is not a poorly behaved, selfish brat. I have a beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted, incredibly intelligent and loving child -- because when his needs are met.

Don't knock it unless you've tried it. Sometimes the 'tried and true' isn't really the most effective method to handle a situation. Easier, perhaps, but not necessarily the healthiest.

Listen to your gut, Mama. You'll do just fine. Parenting wasn't meant to be easy. But anything in life worth anything usually isn't. It's a beautifully rewarding and intensely challenging and sometimes exhausting job being a parent. Both a mother or a father.

Answer 6

It's time to build a routine outside of just putting him down. If you don't already, read him bedtime stories or sing to him (as someone else suggested), but make a routine out of it to help him go to sleep better. He clearly just doesn't want to leave your side and spending a few more minutes with him will help him feel better and will strengthen the bond that is already there. I would also recommend putting some music on for him. I do it with both of my kids and it really does help them. To put him down and just walk away is probably cruel in his eyes, so it is very important to build a routine that he'll enjoy.

Answer 7

I agree with blonde_mama. Listen to what your gut is telling you. If it feels wrong to leave him in bed and ignore him while he cries ~ that's because it is wrong. People who say that 'letting a baby cry won't hurt it' are stupid and need to take a few psychology and child development classes. When a young brain is flooded with stress hormones it can literally change who the baby becomes. Studies are showing that the children of parents who let them 'cry-it-out' are more often depressed, angry, have lower self-esteems and a more difficult time coping with life stresses.

As someone else mentioned ~ Americans and people in other industrialized countries where babies sleep in cribs and are left in baby holders (high chairs, walkers, swings, bouncers, etc) for hours each day, fed formula instead of breastfed........ are more depressed, violent, anxious, stressed, ill........ than people in some of the poorest countries where babies are held in slings all day, breastfeed when they want, sleep cuddled next to Mom......

Answer 8

It is really hard on the parent but if you know that nothing is wrong (he is fed, dry and tired) then he is just doing this because he can. Try allowing him to cry for a few minutes by himself, adding just a couple more minutes each day. Like I said, only if you know that he doesnt need anything. If he is fussing, when you go in there, dont pick him up. Just comfort him by talking quietly and rubbing his forehead or hand or back. Make a cd of yourself talking to him to play in his room when he is falling asleep. This is, unfortunately, the beginning of seperation anxiety.

Answer 9

Yes, he is old enough to be manipulative!! Mine did the same thing when she first started pulling up, after going right to sleep on her own for months prior. It was just a phase that lasted a few weeks. It is tough, but let him cry. I would go in every few minutes and just lay her back down. She would eventually get tired from crying and standing and fall asleep. The first night it took two hours before she went to sleep, but after about two weeks she was back to going right to sleep. I warn you, we went back through this "phase" when crawling and cruising began to. They just don't want to sleep when they learn something new.

Answer 10

Put yourself in his shoes. How would you like to go to sleep in a seperate room all by yourself? Take that child to bed with you. We are the only culture that puts our babies in cribs to sleep, alone in another room... all by themselves. We also have the highest crime rate and the largest consumption of anti-depressants of any country on the planet. Go figure. All of the people who say to use "tough love" should have just gotten dogs if convenience and ease were what they wanted.