Was this rape?

Question

I am 17 years old now, and I was 17 years then. About 7 months ago I went to visit my best friend in another country. I slept at her house.I was interested in one of her friends, we got along good.One night when my friend was out, I stayed at her house. This guy came to the door and asked if her brother was there, I said no. He went to his car, came back and ask me if I wanted to go ride. I said "ya ok" because I thought his friend(the boy i was into) was in the car aswell..(windows tinted) I went in the car and only him was there. He was kinda cute, anyways we went to his mom's place, both went to his room and talked/exchanged email addresses. you know friendly. Then he started kissing me, I was a virgin. he got on top of me and all that, I told him i didnt wanted to have sex.He said he wasnt tryin to. He"Slipped"it half way in, and i said "No stop" he said ok ill just let it "sit". I said "no please get off" he got off and acted all normal.The next day i felt so disgusted
Was I rape?

Answer 1

I have an opinion on that...but I'm not going to give it. Why?? Labeling it isnt going to help anything. If you convince yourself that it was not rape, you would trivialize a bad moment in your life and not deal with it appropriately.
If you convince yourself that it was rape, you may drag that around with you forever becuase you're tainted, used, etc. Personally...I think the "tainted", "used", whatever are B.S. names that are only used by those that are the victims. They think others think of them like that. Its not true. You are still a wonderful person, whether you want to call it rape or not. He was a creep but he can't take the wonderful out of you.

The fact remains, you had sex with someone that you didnt want to have sex with. By the time you are my age (34) you will have had sexual experiences with people that you ultimately regret. It happens to the best of us.

You can't change what happened. But you can learn from it. Don't get into the car with a guy that you don't know. In my opinion, you are still a virgin. Any creep can take your hymen, but only you can give your virginity to someone. That is a special thing that means more than a piece of skin.

Answer 2

It was on the border of it....he didn't make it, thank god. But he did think about it for a few minutes. The thing is, if you were just nervous and a little giddy and not knowing what you should or shouldn't do, it may have sent a mixed message. Often, boys think you are just hesitant. So, this could have turned into a bad situation for you. First, don't go anywhere with a man you don't know. Second, don't go to the bedroom or any other compromising situation. As much as it isn't right for a guy to force himself on you...you also can't be hesitant or not firm when you say no. I know this wasn't your intention...so you are not at fault either. I think he was right on the edge of being a rapist and I am appalled he said he wasn't trying to. What a jerk. Be more careful and choose your company and surroundings carefully. While NEVER your fault if a guy tries to force himself on you, you also have to watch out for your own safety in these situations...often noone else will.

Answer 3

legally, I don't know. At the very least it was some sort of sexual abuse. Regardless, reality is its been 7 months it would be difficult to prove any of it. BUT you do have a great oppurtunity to visit family services, or your local mental health association that can help you deal with this violating act. As one young woman to another who has also been abused, I wish you the best. And whatever you conclude, you did not do anything wrong... you said stop and you maintained your ground in this terrible situation. Please do talk to someone, a therapist or friend who can let you talk about this incident, yor words will help your emotions heal.

Answer 4

No first of all what would you except to do with a guy of that age in his room i mean if you took this to court you would be taken out so quick your head would turn. Im saying this in truth and trying to help you from doing somthing like going to court and being charged for time wasting and court fees anyway this answers what you asked and what you might need to know good luck and in another country they might have some other way with dealing with these types of cases so it can be a great hassle.

Answer 5

I think you have already answered your own question. You verbalized your feelings and what happened made you feel disgusted.

He violated your trust and didn't respect your boundaries and wishes.

It doesn't matter if you liked him, or that you willingly went with him. You put trust in the situation and him, and it sounds like he stepped beyond and took advantage. I hope you feel no guilt over that. It isn't your fault. Just learn from the situation: be more cautious in the future. You have every right to say no and have the other person respect that.

~G

Answer 6

Yes you are being raped my dear.
Defination of rape means unwarranted and non-consensual advances by any male and penetration.
From your discription, you have been raped as there is penetration and mostly likely your hymen has been torn as well...
You can actually report him for rape, however it will be difficult for you to prove it. He may say is consensual sex.

Next time...be wise.. never go out with any guy at all during the nite alone... and STOP when you feel the advances like a small little kiss.. as it leads to others if you do not stop it. To a guy it means you welcome it...

take care... and be careful...

Answer 7

Any form of penetration without consent is rape honey. I'm so sorry that happened.You could've even given the go ahead but the minute you said stop and he didn't that's rape.I would talk to someone so this doesn't ruin that special time for you when you're ready.

Answer 8

You didn't consent and you said NO. You were consistant you didn't want it. I don't know how it was "half way" but if you had penetration, it IS a rape.

One thing that is not clear is, there has to be alot happening from "starting to kiss" and "he slipped it half way in." Did he force you to do something you didn't want? At point did you realize you were into it more than you wanted?

Either way, there IS a clear distinction. You didn't want it and told him so. Half way or otherwise, you were penetrated.

Answer 9

Well I'm sorry cause I know you don't wanna hear this but you should not have been there in the first place. When you discovered that no one else was in the car, you should have turned around and went back inside. I'm sorry this happened to you but let this be a lesson learned!

Answer 10

Yes that was rape, you said no and he did it anyways, that is always rape!!! I am soo sorry you had to go through that. Talk to somone about it, a counselor a friend. Good luck!!!!!!!!