another poem- what do you think?

Question

You were mine.

I was yours.

Swept away.

Behind invisible doors.

Locked inside.

But I am free.

Know that you.

Will always have me.

You may move on.

And not look Back.

I realize.

We are on different tracks

You stay left.

And I go right.

But we were once.

In the same night.

You fell fast.

I wonder a lot.

Do you do that often?

Or did I hit a soft spot?

I realize we.

Could probably not be.

I don't expect.

To wait and see.

I can't forget.

What happened that night.

I carry it with me.

The rest of my life.

No regrets.

I couldn't lie.

Most people do.

But I didn't cry.

Life has changed.

Since that cold night.

It wasn't planned.

Blame moonlight.

whoops -- the edited version deletes lines 9-12

Answer 1

This is a beautiful poem and has great sensitive emotional moods for one that has lost a boyfriend.

Answer 2

You were mine. --No, I wasn't, you just got caught there,
thinking that you had me.
I was yours. --No, not really, you were free to leave me.

Swept away. --So we were, the both of us.

Behind invisible doors. Yet they were doors of our making.

Locked inside. --You tried to swallow the key, but I had one made before then.

But I am free. --Are we not all of us, if we but see?

Now that you

will always have me. --Yet how can we be so sure?

You may move on. -- Won't we all?

and not look Back. -- No, don't look back!

I realize. --- And so do I,

We're on different tracks --On different tracks.

You stay left. ---Take the highway,

And I go right. -----Go the low way,

But we were once. ------Ah, just once!

In the same night. ----That mem'rable night!

You fell fast. -----And I fell hard.

I wonder a lot. ----I wonder too.

Do you do that often? -No, love, oooh.

Or did I hit a soft spot? --That spot

I realize we --that's you and I

could probably not be --what? One?

I don't expect --no, best not set

to wait and see. --your sights too high.

I can't forget ----no, no, I can't forget

What passed that night. --that night of nights!

I take with me. ---Hold it close and safe;

for the rest of life. ----keep it close by, secure.

No regrets ---- oh you tell yourself that,

I couldn't lie. ---We do it all the time,

Most people do. --but we like to think we're not

But I didn't cry. ---Oh baby but did I?

Life has changed. ---So much has passed,

since that cold night. --that quiet night.

It wasn't planned. ---Twas destiny?

Blame on moonlight. --that mad cool light.

Answer 3

I'm confused by it. There are parts that don't make too much sence to me. i personally like poems to tell pretty much like a story with nothing confusing. Cause you gotta get the reader to understand what your coming from. and i honestly got no clue.
no offence. If it helps any i posted two poems and asked what people thought so if u wann critice mine i dont care. lol

Answer 4

Honestly?It's o.k. I don't care for the "you were mine,I was yours" I don't like anything that puts ownership on another individual,however that is from a critical standpoint and I'm not sure if that is what your looking for when you say "what do you think"so I hope you are not offended.

Answer 5

'Moonlight' is obviously a new designer drug that I haven't got around to trying yet.

Answer 6

very good