I'm a 54 year old male, currently separated for over two years from a partner with whom I lived for nearly 22 years before getting married. The marriage took place despite the fact that we were having extreme stresses and difficulties at that stage of our relationship. After the marriage, I was unsettled and unhappy about the relationship, and I resented the marriage, but I went along because my wife thought it was the right thing to do for financial security reasons. I then had an affair which precipitated the separation. I think I'm still very much in love with the other woman, but I can't face divorce because of the pain I will cause, but I also know I will be resigned to the marriage. What steps should I take to resolve my conflict?
2007-04-09 14:04:31 · 15 answers · asked by Fletcher G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay so let me see if I have this straight.........you got married to your girlfriend of TWENTY TWO YEARS, cheated on her after you were married because you claim you were pressured into it, and now you want to know what to do to resolve the conflict? First you need to take responsibility for stringing this poor woman on for 22 years, THEN you need to take responsibility for cheating on her and being a dishonest asss, and NOW you need to do what you can to stop causing this poor woman so much pain and anguish! Is this the price women pay for loving you?
2007-04-09 14:09:05 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have to answer your question with another question. What pain would you cause to a woman who wanted to get married for financial security and place you in a situation you resent? It seems that even though you have been in a relationship with your wife for 24 years does not mean that you both should be together now for various reasons. Do you both a favor and file for divorce so each of you may pursue a happier life without each other.
2007-04-09 21:11:41 · answer #2 · answered by Decoy Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
22years is along time to throw away. i know that thats sounds selfish but really 22years? What type of issues where you having that the conction of a life time couldnt fix? Do i believe you should resign yourself to an unhappy marriage no but do i think maybe this is something you should try to at least figure out if it can be worked out yes. that is a long time to be with someone to say well i think im madly in love with someone else. If its just that this other woman offered excitement and sex that had died down then it wont last either but if its something deeper than you should figure that out and go from there.
2007-04-09 21:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by starrmerlan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't going to give your all to the marriage then don't stay in it. If your wife only wanted to get married for financial reasons then why is this such a hard decision. Be a man and make the right choice, think of who you will be hurting by staying in the relationship, and remember the lady you had and affair with, she will never fully trust you because she was the "other woman" and that means she will always think you are a cheater. So which ever one you go for you are in for hardships, good job buddy!!!
2007-04-09 21:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by Vegas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been separated for 2 years, then she is probably expecting the divorce. At this point it would bring closure to an unhappy relationship. It will be painful, but then you will both be free to move on with your lives.
2007-04-09 21:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by ╚╔╩╦ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a divorce, theres no use keeping the both you unhappy, if you love someone else then go with them.
theres no point in living the way you are. if it hurts her, then i know it sounds bad, but too bad, she'll get over it and in the end you'll both be happier. she can move on and find someone who does love her and you can go and live your life with the women that you do love.
financial security??? im sorry but thats crap, you should marry unless you can honestly say that your in love and that your willing to put everything you can into the relationship.
2007-04-09 21:46:26 · answer #6 · answered by MsChuLa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to short change yourself and your happiness. If you don't take care of you, nobody else will. I know its a selfish type attitude but its honest, straightforward, and to the point. If you are not happy, get out. It'll hurt short term but maybe long term you will both be happier.
2007-04-09 21:11:32 · answer #7 · answered by Missbrenda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain of divorce will fade away, unlike the continual pain of a realtionship that is messed up.
2007-04-09 21:12:20 · answer #8 · answered by steve.c_50 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for your wife. You already have caused a lot of pain and continue to do so. Be honest, tell her you don't love her and divorce her.
2007-04-10 00:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorcing her will be the best thing that has happened to her. She would be so much better off without your cheating, coniving ***.
2007-04-09 21:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by daisydownsouth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do her no favours remaining in the marriage. Let her go and restart your own life. It's better for both of you.
2007-04-09 21:11:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋