Me and my husband of three years had a big fight this weekend which resulted in him leaving. He works outta town so he went back early. We have 2 girls one is almost 2 yrs and the other is 5 months. He called today and told me that he's decided to just leave us all behind and move back to Nigeria. I don't know if he really is or if he's just playing games with my head in order for me to just cave and give into his ways. I've been lied to so often that I just don't know wat to believe anymore. I don't want him to leave the country cuz he won't see the girls anymore but I don't want to be the submissive, passive wife either. I need help desperately!!!!!
2007-04-09 13:52:49 · 16 answers · asked by Aimee B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes i want your email...let me know
2007-04-09 15:11:45 · update #1
I am sorry. I was married to a man from Saudi Arabia for 4 years...we had many problems...i was not the "submissive" wife he was expecting...after he finished his Masters degree he went back home to Saudi Arabia and divorced me...it was devestating for me. We didnt have any children. You do, so therefore you need to remain very calm...dont call him often, dont beg...be nice...if he is meant to come home, he will come home. If he leaves, it will be devastating...but you WILL survive, and so will your children. And it just means that God has a better plan for you. I dont know if you are muslim or not, but try to have someone in the mosque talk to him, preferably another married male...if he is christian, do the same. Ill pray for you. You can contact me if you need someone...just click to add details to your story and ask me if you want my email. Everything will be okay, i promise.
2007-04-09 14:52:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters, if the fight was bad enough for him to leave and then to call you and tell you he's moving back to Nigeria, there must be a deeper thing going on here. I doubt, seriously, that one argument lead him down this path. it might be something that has been buried for awhile. You must ask yourself if you truly want him to stay, what kind of life would you have? You say you don't want to be submissive, so don't be. For the next week or so, don't take his calls and don't call him. This will give him time to realize you can't be "pushed" around but it will also give him time to really think about his actions and their consequences. I know you are hurting and for that I am sorry.
Don't play the game, just give him time to really think, and you do some soul searching at the same time. Best wishes to you!
2007-04-09 21:00:29 · answer #2 · answered by curlygirly84 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't control anyone but yourself. If he left over an argument, and now wants to move to Nigeria, I'd let him go. You have two little ones so be VERY CAREFUL he doesn't take off with them. If he's lied repeatedly to you in the past you don't have a very good future ahead with him. It's best for him to go while the children are still babies and won't be traumatized by his absence. Again, I stress the importance of keeping the babies safe so he can't take them. You are in a bad marriage so it's best to encourage him to go so you can start over.
2007-04-09 21:23:39 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tried everything I could think of to get my husband to stay with me but in the end he left any way.This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life.If you love your husband you need to let him go,if he loves you he will find his way back to you.Right now he does not realize what he has and the only way he is going to no this is to leave you,remember absents makes the heart grow founder.One thing men can not stand is a wife all over him pleading with him to stay.If you let him go with no fuss that will make you look very strong to him and that is something he will be thinking about.If you want this man to come back to you ,you will do this not only for him but for your own self as well.
2007-04-09 21:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to be a submissive, passive wife? Why not? Why did you trick him into thinking that you would be? I don't blame him for leaving. You tricked him into thinking you were somebody else! How horrible! You brought kids into this mess too! Why would you do this to somebody?
I am a submissive wife, and I am proud of it. You just need to be comfortable in your relationship. I'm not a doormat, I know what my man wants, and I do things for him. What's wrong with that? You want to be in control? Tell him to keep walking then, he obviously married a phony. Grow up.
2007-04-09 21:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by SillierKimmie! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is alot to be said for being a submissive wife. Have you ever read "Fascinating Womanhood" or "The Surrendered Wife"? I don't agree with everything in them (mainly the parts that seem manipulative), but they have alot of good advice for women who need to feel cherished by their men.
Honestly, what do you have to lose? Try being submissive and accommodating and see what happens. I'll bet your marriage will improve dramatically. (However, it might take a few weeks. Men whose wives haven't been submissive in the past often take awhile to trust the change in them.)
2007-04-09 21:26:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to worry you but I wouldn't rule out anything at this stage of your matrimony. Talk to him- see if he has another woman ( when men get stupid) you have to find the reason for it. A fight ( no matter what the reason) is no excuse to leave a wife and kids, so find out first. The other thing is- if he is cheating and you are the kind of person that does not accept this behavior then set the rules and get rid of him FAST!!! Remember KIDS DO NOT HOLD A MATRIMONY- so don't use your children to hold him at home.
2007-04-09 21:02:25 · answer #7 · answered by Taz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you can not force him to do anything. The only person you can control is yourself.
You can be calm and in control, and if you hear from him don't start a fight but don't cave in to all of his demands either.
Your first job is to protect yourself and your children.
It sounds like he is either trying to hurt you by saying this or he is really fed up.
Don't chase him, don't call him unless it is really necessary so he doesn't think you are desparate. When you can both talk calmly suggest relationship counselling., if he won't go you can still go alone and it will help
2007-04-09 20:58:03 · answer #8 · answered by sreno7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call his bluff, Tell him fine, go. You do not want anyone who does not want to be with you of his own free will. Just say ok, but make sure he helps support the girls, I would not beg him. sounds like he has a ego problem so let him go. If he loves his girls enough even if you guys split, he'll not move to Nigeria. Good luck to you.
2007-04-09 21:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it is just a scare tactic he is pretty childish either way you both have responsibilitys to your girls make sure he helps go to the child support division you can find out where this is at your clerks office in the court house because who knows what kind of help you can get from him if he leaves the country before you get the information you need about recieving help from him when you talk to him again ask him if he is willing to go to counseling or trying to work things out and ask him what he plans to do about staying a part of his childrens lives i wish the best for your family
2007-04-09 21:09:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ronni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋