why is divoce bad for children?

Answer 1

Simple.It screws up their life.Kids that are born within a family setting have the since of security. When parents start having trouble and then split it destroys the kids visions of how things should be.Kids are tough but divorce causes many different problems in their life.I think this is one reason why young adults have so many problems in relationships today.

Answer 2

That's a pretty easy one to answer...

Because they lose the stability of a home that has both the mother and father. And, just as it takes 2 to make a child, it takes 2 to raise one too.

However, if the home is not that stable place for the kids to learn and grow and if there are other elements there such as abuse or unhappiness, then divorce might be in the best interest of the child.

Answer 3

It doesn't have to be if the parents are mature enough not to bad mouth each other in front of the children or brain wash the children against the other parent. This happens all to often and it is a form of child abuse in my eyes! The children deserve both sides of their family!

Answer 4

Research shows that children do their best when raised in a two-parent household.
Two parents fighting & going through a bad divorce is not the ideal environment for kids. Although, not all divorces are this way.

Answer 5

It's not always bad. It can be very good fo kids, especially since kids are quite aware when their parents are miserable and that misery makes the children miserable and the children blame themselves (or are blamed) for their parents being miserable. I used to pray all the time that my parents would get divorced, they were both miserable in the marriage and it brought us kids down.

Answer 6

It doesn't have to be. Not getting divorced, and perpetuating life in a miserable household can be far worse. It also teaches the child that a miserable marriage is acceptable.

Every child going through separation should see the movie “Mrs. Doubtfire” starring Robin Williams. This is unusual in that the parents do not reconcile and move back in together. They learn to live apart but still function well as loving parents. It has some basic messages that children will take on board, and even enjoy.

Many children will remember the tensions around the end of the marriage, and feel complicated feelings associated with them. They may feel betrayed, or that they in some way contributed to the difficulties. Neither of these feelings are positive in any way, and both are likely to have negative long term effects if they go unaddressed.

While we can talk to our children and deal with these issues as directly as possible, we can also take a more positive approach. It is quite reasonable to set out some goals created to help the children through this period. One useful approach is to create new traditions and new memories.

This approach is one dependent on finding an activity the child did not participate in before the separation. This may be something like going to art classes at the local community hall, or going horseback riding from time to time. As these positive activities go on, the child is creating memories that will subsequently be ‘post separation’ memories. The activities become part of a new landscape for the child. This is a landscape populated by some fun and interesting time spent with the parent.

As time progresses the child will begin to remember their traumatic period before the separation, and the subsequent fun period following the separation. A watershed is created, and the time that included unpleasant memories becomes less of a point of focus. Importantly the message gets through that, before the difficulties were addressed the child’s life was not as pleasant as after the difficulties were addressed. This is a lesson of enormous value.

If this is an approach which is going to be used, it is very important to budget the time with the child, so that the new activity happens regularly. Wherever possible the parent participates too. This becomes Mum and daughter time – ‘our special time’, or Daddy and son time. Apart from giving the child a valuable lesson, this approach also presses a parent into spending quality time with their child – something which is all too easily forgotten in the process of separation.

It is very important to realize that the disruption you feel is quite possibly only a fraction of what your children are experiencing. All the same, the lessons they are learning are important ones that may help assure that they live a happy married life.

By having goals, defined activities to start work on, you give yourself focus to improve the conditions the children are growing up in. Write them down in your journal. Check out how they can be achieved, and then work towards them.

Communicating With Children during separation.
The assumption in the following paragraphs is that both parents are involved with the children and no abuse or abandonment of the children has taken place.

We have to keep in mind that children often have a greater acceptance of separation than we do. The chances are they have friends at school who have parents that have divorced. They realize that the world does not end, and that some parents function very well in a separated household. Equally, they see some of their friends suffering during separation.

Here are some key questions to ask children about how they feel about the separation. The more you allow them to talk, the more likely they are to cope with the situation well.

• Do you have any friends that have parents that are separated?
• How do you feel about our separation?
• You realize you still have two parents that love you, don’t you?
• Is there anything you need to ask me about what happened?

It goes without saying that you will need to have put aside any feelings of revenge or anger (luxuries you cannot afford), before asking questions such as these. The objective is to let the child know that:

1. This is not their fault.
2. The child is still loved by the parent they are talking to.
3. The child has two parents that still love him or her – they just live in separate houses.
4. The reasons for the separation are things that were important to the parents, and things the parents wanted to address. It’s got nothing to do with any lack of love for the child.

Some children will be simply too young to assimilate the reasons behind the separation. In this case it’s all about reassurance.

Using positive language with children is important. If you are asked “why did you leave Daddy?” and reply, “Because he’s a filthy pig,” then the chances are you need to do a little work on loosing some anger. A better answer may be along the lines of “Mummy and Daddy decided we wanted to try living differently. We decided we may be happier this way, and that we can still love you and give you an even better life this way.”

The key factors to keep in mind when dealing with children are:

• Don’t deceive the child about the separation – they will know when they are lied to. All deceit achieves is destroying trust in the one thing the child has left to rely on.

• Don’t use the child to get at the former spouse. No trash talking – however unimportant it seems. The former spouse is still the child’s parent. Hurt them, and you hurt the child.

• Reinforce your love of the child by using words. A hug may often seem enough, but words are better.

• Find something the child loves to do, and allow them to do it.

This approach is one that moves you and your children forward. Remember the second of our three Foundations - Is it in my children’s best interests? This is our guiding light in this part of our journey. Giving your children new traditions and new memories is the kindest thing you can do at this point.


There’s something else to think about here. Our children are always our children. Even when they are thirty years old and left home – they are still learning from us.

Many times with Separated But Thriving, we see a parent come through the system, with the phrase “thank god the children have left home!” Then, when asked about how the child’s marriage is going we learn they too have difficulties. Well, guess where they learned that behavior. They learn from us long after they leave home. Our legacy keeps on going.

To break this cycle we need to communicate and inform our children of what is happening and why it is happening. Possibly the worst possible thing a parent can do is ‘stay together for the children’. All that is done, is that the child it taught ‘It’s OK to stay in a loveless marriage’.

That’s not a message I want any child of mine to go forward in their life with.

Answer 7

Because when the parents split, it takes away that stability they had, also, it causes confusion. Kids who come from a broken home from divorce have higher rates of depression.

It's been proven that kids that come from a 2 parent home have more stability and are less likely to suffer from depression.

Answer 8

How could it be generally good for children? Their whole life as they have come to know it changes on the whim of 2 parents whose every decision effects them.

Answer 9

It is worse than they're having two loving parents whom are married. When divorce occurs, they lose a sense of security. there are tons of great books out there on these matters. if you're going through this, please read some for the sake of your kids and for your self. Divorce and new Beginnings was a good book. I wish you well.

Answer 10

Usually the children think it's their fault