recognize...it by the way he acts...HOW DO YOU STOP THE CYCLE???...i have gotten rid of 3 guys that were abusive...I do not want anymore...(And yes i have set boundaries...and eventually have to let them go!)...one guy i told him straight out..."You're abusive"...he said ...'No, i am a realist"...i just said whatever...and told him we were not each other's type...so we both just moved on....WHY AM I ATTRACTING THESE TYPES OF MEN????...i am nice, why aren't they???
2007-04-09 12:47:16 · 11 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sometimes they see something in your personality. You have to believe in yourself and dont let them run roughshod over you. They play games at the beginning to see what they can get away with, once they see what you "allow" them to do they will just keep going. Be strong and stay strong.
2007-04-09 12:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by Feline05 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My expierinces with abusive people, has made me think that they know which type of people to prey on. They can see things in you that may make them think they can manipulate you. The good thing is that you are a strong person to let them go! A lot of people don't do that they get sucked in and won't/can't leave. Don't take the fact that I said they see something in you as a insult or be insecure about it, Many people are genuinely nice people and thats what they look for. When you start to see the first sign that the person has abusive qualities let them go then. If you need more insight into protecting yourself/working through the issues of abusive realtionships I advie you seek out counsiling or therapy. Sometimes it helps to talk about things, and they could give you a new perspective on protecting yourself from those type of people.
2007-04-09 12:58:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
that's a very good question. Every relationship I have been in starts in that exact way you mentioned then comes the dominance then the verbal abuse and worse. I don't know what this caveman attitude is all about but if we as women allow it to happen then we have only got ourselves to blame. I know men are the hunters and women are the gatherers but (some) men have just got to stop, think, not react and listen instead of trying to rule the roost. Who's fault.. All I can say is some people are weak (not there fault) and some peoples nature are to be dominant (not ther fault either) But at some stage someone has to say enough is enough and have the courage to say I'm not doing this anymore
2016-05-21 02:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOW DO YOU STOP THE CYCLE? Well, I noticed that you said 3 guys. That's a clue that it may be a quality you have within yourself that is attracting this type of man! Mine was neediness. My x-husband was physically abusive. I had to learn to stop being a victim and stop being needy. I was easy to call my mom and cry and ask her what I should do. BUT you know what the min. I made up my mind to leave and meant it , it was funny I no longer needed to call her or my friends. I didn't need anymore advice. I had grown I had become stronger and I was no longer a victim! I was a survivor!
2007-04-09 13:08:57 · answer #4 · answered by perrrfection 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In a way, yes. You are attracting these men. The good news is that you can change it. There are many books you can read to help you. Maybe your past has something to do with this. Look at your past relationships w/ family and such may lead you to some clues.
Yes! Things are changing for you already because you took the step to ask. Because you are more aware and pushing out those you show signs of abusive-red-flags. Remember that you deserve LOVE! And it's out there.
Also if you want to understand the law of attraction rent/see The Secret. Oh, I know. I lot of mamo-jumbo. Honey, it couldn't hurt to try it.
2007-04-09 13:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by LAT 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been through this twice, last time being very recently, and I have been asking myself the same question.
I have to believe that it comes from a lack of confidence...
I respect myself, which is why I kicked that trash through the door... but I am wondering if I just don't feel confident in myself. Men like that will prey upon someone who lacks confidence, making women feel better about themselves in the beginning, then using those feelings to manipulate them later. I am realizing that I need to be fulfilled in myself... I am lacking the ability to make myself feel good. So I'm taking at least a year to be alone, be self reliant, and just learn to be my own friend.
I think that will give me a sense of pride in my personality that hopefully will keep any other brutes at bay!
Good Luck!
2007-04-09 13:00:01 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is so much that we attract them but they are attracted to us. Women who are sensitive, nice and forgiving are usually easier for them to control. Remember it is not so much the physical or even emotional abuse but the control. Perhaps we are to easy to get along with. I think we are more easy going and don't try to control them. The cycle can only end if we recognize it before we start a relationship. Change your life, where you go and the types of places you go to and the types of people you meet. But it is an inner change that must happen. You must love yourself and never settle for second best. Your heart knows!
Annette
http://annettes.womenswealthandwellness.com
2007-04-09 13:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by Natural Wellness 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A lot of women uncs'ly chose men somewhat similar to their fathers....I know I chose my 2nd husband whom I knew would sign adoption papers and start a second family. He was abusive to me and a VERY POOR choice for a father of my child!!! I soon div'd him before it got past dangerous!! Never married again and raised a wonderful daughter. My Dad was a gentle man--I was just desperate at 36!!!
Good Luck!!! I never tried a--what? "Matching" outfit--but it might be worth it!
2007-04-09 13:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by Martell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to let them go the first SECOND that you feel that "uh-oh" feeling of familiarity. Otherwise, it goes on and on. Abuse is about as close to a perpetual motion machine as we've been able to come up with.
Good luck
2007-04-09 12:51:37 · answer #9 · answered by Croa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the second alarm bells start ringing. put a stop to it and walk away. no ifs od buts or maybes walk away
2007-04-09 12:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋