My ex-wife is getting married and my son says?

Question

...he can't stand the guy - he's 8. "What's weird dad is that he acts like there is nothing wrong when he's around when I can't stand him. When he comes over all of a sudden mom is acting like everything is great but before he's there there is nothing special. When he comes around mom makes these special dinners but when he's gone it's just normal dinners. I feel like he is more special to mom than I am" - she was hiding this guy even when we were supposedly trying to patch things up - on my part obviously now but being blinded by her lies and appeasing diversions...so is she lying to him also? Defrauding him - all of a sudden when I challenge her actions of allowing this guy to sleep at her place while my son is there in a small one bedroom apartment claiming inappropriate behavior and threatening his moral wellfare - he was not raised this w...she's engaged and a week later they're getting married and buying a "new nice home where we all intend to live". Any comments on this scenario

My son is afraid to talk to his mom and tell him how he truly feels. He is afraid of her anger. Many people think she is bi-polar. She will not discuss anything about this guy with me...she has hidden him out now for a couple of years+ so there is no getting know him scenario going on. She tried for custody twice last year and was turned down wanting to reduce me to a visiting dad...when I see my son alot and we are very close...we live 5 minutes away...now she says she will take him to live 2 hours away...but her acting up...and then changing...something she did for many years with me...she is doing with him...it appears...using him...he has money...she's a model...he's a Sr. Vp of a bank...she's from a foreign country...getting too old for the biz I think...so get another guy witrh money...lie to our son...play act with the guy...hide him from me until she was turned down for custody...then he comes out of the woodwork...but not before the filing...

Answer 1

You're divorced so there isn't much you can do about the situation with your wife. It sounds to me like she is still in the "getting to know you stage" with this new man where she hasn't let her hair down. Maybe she doesn't trust that this guy will love her for her true self. Maybe this is how she operates in a relationship. Perhaps this is why you're divorced now. This is an issue she'll need to resolve for herself - otherwise she'll keep making the same mistake.

As for your son. It's a difficult situation, but I would encourage him to talk with his mother about this rather than to you. If this isn't something he can do, than you may want to bring this up with your ex as an FYI. If you want to get anywhere with this, try not to be confrontational with her. It might be a good idea to bring this up with your child's school counselor. Many schools provide counseling to kids from divorced families. This way the school guidance counselor can speak with your child's mother. That will be much less threatening than if it comes from you.

You're going to have to accept your ex's new life. Avoid talking badly about her in front of your son. He looks to both of you as his parents. Any negative talk about either parent can impact his own self-esteem since he is a product of BOTH of you. It helps if you keep this in mind any time you're discussing her with him - which you should try to avoid as much as possible.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Divorce is hard on everyone involved. Your ex is in the race to get a new man in her life and of course, she is going to cook the extra special dinners and make things look really gravy. She is trying to attract a new man. Its kind of disqusting isnt it?
Your son is caught in the middle. He loves his dad and he loves his mom and he just wants everyone happy. Imagine how uncomfortable this must all be for him.
At this point in the game, it doesnt matter who she sleeps with as long as she doesnt start bringing the whole neighborhood in 1 at a time for sleep overs in which she would be classified as a cheap whore.
Actually, she sounds pretty screwed up to me. She will never find happiness going about her life this way. She sounds pretty desperate to tell you the truth.
As sad as it is, judges dont really care who she brings home and sleeps with as long as your son is fed, and taken care of, the judges are in a legal system which is already over burdened and in the big picture....they dont care. Been there and done all that.
Just be a rock for your son. If he needs you, be there for him. Dont drag all her crap into your conversations. Just show him you love him and will always be there. Give him safety and feeling he can trust you not to be angry and putting him in the middle. In spite of what she has done, he loves his mother, even if she is a desperate and worn out.
Show him he is special every day, but dont over do it. Then it gets to be too much. Talk to him, show him affection. Be his dad always. I know it is hurting you, but be his dad. Its all he needs.

Answer 3

Your son just has to deal with the new change that's taking place in his and his mom's life. If you don't like what's happening then file for full custody of your son. Your wife life has to go on.

Answer 4

DIVORCE IS VERY HARD ON CHILDREN. THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE THEIR MOM AND DAD BE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT EACH OTHER. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY A FAMILY COUNSELOR. THERE THEY CAN GIVE YOU THE TOOLS TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS REALLY BOTHERING YOUR SON. YOU BOTH NEED TO TALK TO HIM WHETHER IT BE TOGETHER OR ALONE AND EXPLAIN WHAT THE SITUATION REALLY IS. HE MAY HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING THE CHANGE IN HIS FAMILY STRUCTURE. IF THAT DOESN'T WORK MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER FAMILY COUNSELING. THERE YOU ARE TAUGHT THE TOOLS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SON ON A LEVEL THAT HE CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND. HOPE THAT HELPS

Answer 5

Divorce is sad. It is sad also that when parents leave a spouse, sometimes they forget that there are children left behind hurt. People are not going to agree with me, but people are selfish when they divorce. You promise to love honor and cherish until death due you part and then as soon as there are problems people bail. SAD truly sad.

Answer 6

Sounds like your ex-wife is a real air head, and you should apply for full custody of your boy.

Answer 7

the scenario in itself is totally confusing