So I posted that question about whether or not to get married...?

Question

The thing is... I can picture my life with him, but I can also picture my life without him too. We fight alot, mostly about the past. I know he'd take such good care of me, but I feel like there's something missing. He criticizes our sex life... and whenever I do something to change or "spice it up" he wants something else. There's no romance... he wants me to cook and do all this stuff, but he never brings me flowers or whatever... I don't know.... just thought I would add more info to help with the answers... thank you to all of you who have responded so far!!!

Answer 1

Please don't get married- you'd really be settling. It sounds like you're a little worried that you won't find someone else who's any better... But, someone who will love you and fulfill your needs without the constant fighting is worth waiting for. Break off this mediocre relationship and hold out for something great. It's worth it. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'll send you back to my original answer.... get some counseling, hon. Each of you needs to be able to communicate your wishes and needs without rage and resentment, and you obviously have some, and he needs to know them. There is a ton of difference between, " Why in the hell did you do that, you are such an idiot", and " Gee, I feel so lost when you don't really make it clear what it is that you want......" One is an open attack, the other is an open confession... No one can ever argue about what you need or want.... and relationship are some things that are missing here, usually because if inexperience.... a short course, then get the rest of it from a counselor:


Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, The four biggies.......with a whole lot of lovies, kindnesses, and putting the other first. Your husband/partner ought to be your best friend, and criticism is not included---- suggestions, are.... "I hate it when you...." rather than " When we have time, could we....." . We don't teach communication in hs, and that is too bad, because people marry without ever getting to college to take communication classes.... And sometimes when a relationship is at the door of a counselor, it is almost toooo late to get over the resentment.

Hope this, and the last were helpful.

Answer 3

If you can picture you life with and without him, then you are not thinking hard enough about the question.

How and why does he criticize your sex life? You want a guy who would be happy with you spicing things up, not a good sign. Don't be fooled by the lack of romance, it' normal for that to drop off after time. That he wants you to cook and such isn't a good sign either. Seems like someone looking for a mom, not a wife.

Keep thinking about it, you are almost there. If I can figure it out, so can you.

Answer 4

That you can picture your life without him is not a bad thing in itself. It is healthy to remember that you can be happy on your own, without this particular person. But it seems to me like you feel that something is wrong with the relationship itself - and it is not good. Not that any relationship can be "picture-perfect", but sometimes things just seem "off". Fighting "a lot" is a big red flag for me personally. Things aren't gonna get better if you get married - if anything, it will get worse. I can't even recall the last time my husband and I argued, it must have been many months ago; neither of us are "perfect" - but we at least seem to have made peace with each other's imperfections, and can understand and communicate with each other. When you feel that something's "missing", I think this "something" is probably the closeness and intimacy of companionship that might be lacking from your relationship. This "something" is a lot to give up, if you ask me. Unless you can truly come to terms with what's missing, and be happy with what's there, keep looking. Marriage will not make anything better - but might make things worse.

Answer 5

From what Ive read you are not ready to get married or at least to this guy. He sounds like a control freak and nothing you do will ever please him and thats a dangerous recipe for marital disaster. You are a person and not a robot that he can command. Thingswill only get worse so itsbetter to call it off now then live regretting your decision for sometime and then becoming a statistic. You are not happy or comfortable in this relationship so there is nothing good to come out of staying in it. You need to find someone more compatable with you that will allow you to grow and love in a real relationship and be yourself. Good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like the same problems me and my husband a few months ago. I thought I talk to my husband about our problems before but we still didnt understand one another, I left twice and believe me, if I could do it all over again I wouldnt of left. Thats not the answer, running from problems. But we finally talked and got an understanding of each other.
First Does he love you? IF you know he does secondly,Have you sat down and had a heart to heart talk with him, not just him talking or you but both of you. Sometimes in relationships you can get a misunderstanding of one another. There will always be problems are you willing to work through them together. If talking alone together dont work, go talk to someone ( not a friend or family members) but someone that wont take sides. Sometimes that might help.

The part on if you should get married, thats up to you. No one can tell you what to do, listen to your heart.

Answer 7

Never compromise because you'll be compromising on your self-worth. I compromised and now I'm having problems because I looked the other way when I got married. Please listen to your heart if you know something is wrong. People do not change easily and if there are things that make you unhappy, then things are just going to get worse once you're married.

Think hard about marriage. This guy seems to be all wrong for you.

Answer 8

Do you realize that when you marry you're committing the REST of your life to him?? And if you get a divorce then you'll feel like a huge failure.

Do you also realize that in the one paragraph that you wrote you had SIX negatives and ONE positive in describing your relationship?!! Scary.

Doesnt sound like a fun marriage, or relationship for that matter. Change is always hard but from what you've described I would say its time for one. I dont think you'll regret it.

Answer 9

Do not get married, to him anyway. This is already set for disaster. The way you make it sound is that he has money and will take care of you, but if you want to be miserable with a little cash then go ahead, otherwise find someone else.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like it would be a very good marriage - don't settle - life is WAY too short!! Good luck and follow the little voice in your head - it is always right!