I am supposed to get married in 6 months and I am having second thoughts and I do not know what to do.?

Question

I have known my fiancee for six years and we met in College. Throughout our college years I was solely committed to him, although he was not the same. He cheated and had other girlfriends (unbeknown to me at those times). We have broken up, gotten back together and now since being engaged... I question one.. if he will be faithful, but most of all... if because I never dated anyone else if I am missing out on someone else. I've always had this friend (a guy) and he's always told me I deserve better and he's always been so sweet to me and we've always talked about being a couple jokingly... and now I wonder. Is it cold feet? I've tried talking to him (my fiancee) and he says that he loves me more than anyone and his commitment of proposing is his end all of all the cheating and it would kill him if we break up now. I don't know what to do... any help would be so greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

If you have any doubts, don't get married. It will get only worse. I'd suggest you both get premarriage counseling to help both of you make up your minds.

Answer 2

If past history is any indicator I say drop him he deserves it. If a guy has to look for bigger and better things what makes you think he will not do that while your married. I got married tried to get a divorce, but I found out how controlling and manipulative he really is. If he never was serious before do not what ever you do think marriage is temporary because you will save your self a lot of trouble if you do not get married. If you do really know someone that will treat you how you want to be treated do not waist your time with this guy. If you still want to give it a try go to premarital counseling first. That way you can get all these issues out in the open first and know if you are really making the right decision.

Answer 3

If it was me I would ask someone I truly trusted if she could find out if he's currently cheating. If he cheated before, I completely understand, and you have a right to feel that way. I wouldn't get married if you feel that way, but I wouldn't break it off just yet. You also should talk to him about it. I was married for 10 years, he cheated 6 of those, and I found out about it during a parent teacher conference, reading my son's journal saying "we went to dad's girlfriends over the weekend". They had a baby that year, 5 years ago now. I'm glad I left him. Looking back, it hurt like heck at the time thought my life was over, but now I am more careful, more upfront with my current husband, life is easier. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

As my mom always said, "When in doubt, don't".

If you wish to find out just how things are working in your relationship, you should get a few sessions of counseling together. You aren't missing anything by thinking of screwing around, so if that is your problem, it ought not to be an issue, (read some of these questions on here.... bedjumpers!!!) but you might have others, and a counselor might be able to bring those up to the fore for you.... good luck, hon.....

Answer 5

Sounds like you have some serious doubts... and that he's given you good reason to doubt him. Why would you want to marry someone who has cheated on you, not just once, but several times? Don't you deserve better?

Before getting married, find some good, pre-marital education. A good place to start is here: www.smartmarriages.com.

Good luck.

Answer 6

SWEETIE, FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU DON'T HAVE 100% TRUST YOU BETTER THINK REAL HARD. WITHOUT TRUST YOU HAVE NOTHING. I KNOW BECAUSE THIS IS MY 2ND MARRIAGE AND FINAL MARRIAGE. WE LOVE AND TRUST EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. IT'S A WONDERFUL FEELING LET ME TELL YOU! I NEVER KNEW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE WITH SOMEONE SO HONEST, MY 1ST MARRIAGE, HE CHEATED SO MANY TIMES I CAN'T REMEMBER. I ALWAYS TRYED TO FORGET AND TO LOOK FORWARD, BUT I KNEW IN MY HEART HE WOULD NEVER CHANGE. WE HAD 3 BEAUTIFUL SONS AND I THOUGHT I HAD TO STAY WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THE KIDS. BUT AFTER A WHILE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. HE WOULD COME HOME LATE FROM WORK, I EVEN CAUGHT HIM A FEW TIMES. HE ONCE DESTROYED MY WHOLE OUTLOOK ON MARRIAGE. I BECAME PARANOID. EVEN IF HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG, I WOULD BE A WRECK UNTIL HE CAME HOME FROM WORK. THAT LIFE WAS SO HARD FOR ME. SO I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO LEAVE HIM. I KNOW HE LOVED ME AND THE CHILDREN VERY MUCH, BUT THAT WASN'T ENOUGH. TODAY I KNOW TRUE LOVE AND TRUST. LET ME TELL YOU, I THANK GOD FOR MY HUSBAND NOW. HE MADE ME STRONG, AND IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE LOVED ........TRUE HONEST & LOVE. I WOULD HATE TO SAY TO YOU NOT TO MARRY HIM, SO I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT: WILL YOU LOVE HIM AND TRUST HIM TILL THE END?? FOLLOW YOUR HEART HUN...... MAKE SURE FOR YOUR SAKE AND HIS. IF YOU CAN TALK TO SOMEONE AT YOUR CHURCH MAYBE THAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK IN THE WORLD. KATHY

Answer 7

Could be cold feet but it sounds more serious. Your fiance does not seem to have the same commitment to your relationship as you have. Ask yourself if this is really the guy you can spend your life with, to share your goals and make a family with. Ask yourself too if you could not imagine not having him in your life. Be honest. If not, change your plans.

Answer 8

It seems to me that something doesn't feel quite right to you about this relationship. You might not trust yourself because of the lack of experience, but "gut feeling" often points us in the right direction. Do not discount it. It seems to me you probably CAN do better; not all guys lie and cheat - there are perfectly honest and well-meaning guys out there. You'll never know 'til you try.

Answer 9

Well it is good to have these questions in your mind. You gut is telling you that something isn't right, the old addage is go with your gut feeling, leave your heart out of it. Once a cheater always a cheater...

Answer 10

If you're having second thoughts (cold feet) then tell your fiance. It's better to do this now than to be bitter and resentful towards him after the wedding.