Should churches be responsible for their hateful rhetoric?

Question

I know a young man who committed suicide. He could not deal with the "sin" of homosexuality. He sought guidance from his pastor and his family...who all told him he had to turn away from this sin.

He said he tried to turn from these feelings and couldn't. He was told that he would either have to live a life of celibacy, or marry a woman and deny his sexual impulses. He decided he was unable to do this.

We do not understand the origins of sexuality...we do not understand the psychological state of many who are gay...are we doing the world a disservice by asserting our beliefs...which are only that, beliefs...interpretations of scriptures...for we are not God.

Who are we to tell this young man he is sinning and should remain celibate...who are we to tell this young man he cannot live out his life as he feels he should? Should we as mere humans, make such judgement calls?

Answer 1

Not all churches condemn homosexuality.
I go to MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) and they embrace diversity and homosexuality is not a sin or a sickness.

At MCC, we are tearing down walls and building up hope in some places where no other religious or charitable organizations are willing to go. In fact, in some places, we are tearing down the walls that religious organizations have created.

Reverend Elder Troy Perry, our Founding Moderator, created the ministry and movement we call MCC when he invited twelve gay men to worship in his home in 1968 and reassured them that God loved them. Thirty-eight years later, those twelve have become more than 86,000 people per month who visit our web site and almost 20,000 who give tithes to our ministry and attend a worship gathering each week. Like the first twelve disciples, MCCers are hitting the streets in 24 countries, stopping outside the gate to minister to the oppressed, doing justice and telling the Good News of Jesus to those who feel that there is no Good News.

Less than one year ago, the number of people visiting our web site was much smaller. Why are more people coming to MCC?

Religious oppression is increasing...
Exclusion is the name of the game with the far right religious
groups...
Liberation theology has great appeal in a world that feels less
safe than it did ten years ago...

We live in an unfinished world and we have an unfinished calling. Until all people are free to worship without rejection and free to commit to love whom they will, our work is not done.

We believe it is our job to ask the question, “Would Jesus Discriminate?” until the world voices a resounding “No!”

Answer 2

I think more people need to come out about gay suicides, the more exposure there is the more young people can be treated before it goes too far and the more people can understand it.

It sucks because the older you get the more you understand that it's not a big deal to most people.

Also the process of coming out is the hardest, it's said to be like dealing with a death. His parents were likely going through denial and turned to the church, which is against homosexuality.

Neither is necessarily to blame, but neither were equipped to help this young man. There needs to be more support for young gay people, his parents should speak out on his behalf, so something good can come of something so bad.

Answer 3

I know someone who died from this form of church help. He was 17 and a star athlete at school and when he told his stepfather and mother, they freaked and took him to church so he could be browbeat for a few hours a night. After about two weeks he had lost around 10 pounds, black bags under his eyes and barely talked to anyone. Then his stepfather (Principal at High School) and his mother (teacher at same school) got a call from a friend of the boy, saying he called him and said he couldn't take it anymore and he just wanted to say goodbye. When they rushed home he had hung himself.

His parents kept most of this out of our newpapers, but all the kids knew what had been happening. He had a huge memorial at the church which most of the students refused to attend because they knew from him that the church was the problem, the kids had another memorial at his grave.

So yes, the church is supposed to be inspirational and goodness, but more often than not it is hate being sown behind those walls. Now the main religions have become political and are electing our Federal officials, which Jesus himself said should be kept separate from the church.

I think it is time for people to finally start looking more closely at what their churches are tell them and how they are treating other people.

Answer 4

This is a sensitive topic, and I'm glad you posed it in an intelligent manner.

First off, I want to say that many churches that condemn homosexual behavior condemn any sexual behavior outside of marriage. I am heterosexual, and probably would go a lot further a lot earlier if it weren't for my religion. Does this mean that my church "hates me" because my natural inclination would be to not wait as long? I don't think so--I think it will ultimately benefit me.

I don't think homosexual inclinations are a sin if you don't act on them, any more than any other temptation (heterosexual temptation, or temptation to lie, drink, etc.). Maybe this is where families could handle it differently--make it clear that they still love their children, despite their inclinations or even actions.

Still, if you believe something is wrong and condemned by God, you'd want to help your kid turn away from the behavior you felt was wrong.

If I don't get married, then I too would "have to live a life of celibacy." Does this sound ideal? Not particularly. But I would know it would be the right thing to do.

You ask "who are we to tell [someone] he is sinning?" Hopefully, we make it clear that it's not us, but God who lays down the line of what sin is or not. Probably most people could be more concerned with their own problems rather than judging others, but I think parents have an obligation to help their kids do the right thing, as they see it.

I know there's a life after this one, and I think everything will be sorted out there. I think homosexuality is a feature of this world only, and not the next. Sometimes we can't live life as we feel we should . . . sometimes, there is a bigger plan out there, and that's where faith comes in.

Oh, I also wanted to add that it's horrible that anyone should feel to need to committ suicide. I don't care what you've done---you are never so far gone that there's no hope for you. True Christianity is a gospel of hope.

Answer 5

God created and loves us all, and these people used religion to justify their bigotry...and now this young man is dead...and I'm sure many others are dead because of the same reasons.
Should this church (and others who preach the same intolerance) be held accountable? Absolutely! If they had accepted him as a "real" loving Christian would, he would still be alive.
You cannot change who you innately are...and they wanted him to deny who he was and live a lie. He realized he could not do such a thing. It's so sad that he could not find someone more accepting to counsel him instead of these hateful hypocrites.

Answer 6

I think that there are many to blame. I think, in your friend's case, the one with the most blood on their hands is his parents.
Yes, the churches are preaching a doctrine of intolerance and discrimination, but it is the family, the friends, the loved ones who influence people the most. The parents chose to side with the teachings of their church instead of their own son.
I think, when speaking to the church about the effect their teachings have on real people, we have to appeal to the members of the congregations, the actual people that make up the congregation. Trying to appeal to an organization is so much less effective. You can talk to individual people, share his story, share the stories of others, and actually have an effect on them.
Yes, the churches are accountable, but the real changes are going to be made with the people.

Answer 7

Yes, I believe that churches should be held responsible for the hatred that their members spew out of their mouths. That's where many of the "followers" say that they learned their doctrine.
That poor young man put through all that pain and hatred, because that's what it was : "We love you...but....." I am NOT saying that all churches are vicious nor that all Christians are evil. I'm looking at folks like the Trolls we have here and who lurk over in R&S those people who claim to be following God and who use their religion as a weapon to intentionally hurt people. That's so very wrong.
Is it just so hard to be kind to each other, to just love thy neighbor as theyself. Jesus said NOTHING about homosexuality. He was more for Blessed are the Peacemakers.

Answer 8

Of course they should- and they will be.
and no- no one has the right to make ANY judgement calls regarding someone else's life.

I feel horrible for this young man - once again Organized Religion has proved to me that it's not about love and kindness toward your fellow man---it's about controlling them.

I guess they missed that part of the Bible that says "love your neighbor" and "judge not lest ye be judged"

Well, if there really is a judgement day- guess who's gonna be first in line.

Answer 9

I think the minister or priest or what ever church leader who gives the advice based on their belief should directly be held responsible for the outcome. If they instruct the person to follow a certain path based on faith, it is a little irresponsible to assume that person feels or thinks the same way they do.

Answer 10

Unfortuately, it sounds like his pastor was more interested in saving him from sin than in saving him to live. The more fundamentalist the religion, the more of the "our way or the highway" in thier message. "WE" are the right, follow us or be counted as one of "THEM". For some reason the fundamentalist bent has turned to the divide and conquer strategy instead of the Love the sinner, hate the sin. By making him feel as though his only option was to end the body he was given, they could be considered partially responsible for having forced him into a corner where this was the only solution he could come up with. Pity that someone else could not have touched him and said "Have faith that Christ died for you, all you have to do is believe in him and be saved. He knows you are not perfect, but he loves you and forgives you all the same."

Forgiveness, Grace, Love. These are the things I have taken from my relationship with Christ. He knows me as I am, loves me as I am, offers me grace, as I am and forgives me as I am. Too bad the fundamentalist will argue that unless you believe the bible tooth and nail, you will perish. So where are thier tassels? Where are thier abandonment of mixed fibers? They pick and choose for thier argument and try to claim the whole bible when in fact grace, love and forgiveness are ours for the asking. Not from them, or from any man, but from our belief in a compassionate god who would provide us a way out, without having to contribute to some fundamentalist mansion with our offerings. We are human, we make mistakes, but to condemn based on mistranslations and misunderstandings is to weaken the gift being offered.