Would you forgive your spouse if they were not honest about "having children"?

Question

My husband always managed to come up with some sort of explanation why we should not try for a child now. It's only until last month that he admitted that he did not want me to get pregnant because he did not think our relationship was good enough. Surprise-surprise. Well, I knew we had to work at it, but had no idea that he made such decision solely. We have been together for 6 years and I feel like he manipulated me. I feel sad and can't help resenting him. How can I forgive him if I feel so betrayed? How can I trust him if he was not forthcoming with the truth? I am not that young now.

Answer 1

I think that if he's just been delaying and delaying, having already decided he didn't want a child, it would be impossible to accept. That would mean he just planned to keep putting it off, until you got older than you wish to be, to start a family. That truly would be cheating. Much worse than just sleeping with somebody. It would be a deal breaker, for me.

Answer 2

Resentments of any sort just kill a relationship, and this one will grind on you. At least he was honest in saying that he didn't think your marriage was strong enough to handle a child.... kids can destroy anything, and a shaky marriage would be the first to go. At this point, you, and you alone have to decide if children are the deal-buster, AND if you can get over your resentment.... and those, hon, are biggies. In your place, I'd seek a few sessions of counseling to decided if having a child is a big enough deal for you to bail, and if you can ever overcome your resentment..... nice to know that he doesn't really care for you that much, huh??? The child thing is rather secondary, at this point....Most women really don't want to stay in a relationship where they aren't loved

Answer 3

Well, it's not the matter of whether or not I would have "forgiven" him... In your case, it seems to be the matter of evaluating the options. You can keep trying to patch up the relationship with your husband, but this will probably mean giving up any hope of ever having kids. You can break it off with him, and look for someone else a.s.a.p. - but there are no guarantees there, either. To be honest, what I probably would have done in this situation is getting pregnant by my husband without him knowing, and informing him after the fact. If having kids was something I wanted to do above all else, I would take this desperate measure in a desperate situation. Then the husband could stay if he chose, or leave (which it sounds to me like he might be considering doing anyway) - but at least I would have a child with a person I knew, and I would be guaranteed child support. Yes, one might say it's "not fair to the child" and all that jazz - but it is not fair to you either to give up one of the biggest dreams of your life because someone else had made a decision for you. Be a good mom, and the child will get over it.

Answer 4

of direction Catholics could forgive each physique who has wronged them, including their spouses. it truly is a crucial cornerstone of the Christian faith -- forgive others and we've been forgiven via Christ. In a marriage, of direction, that's amazingly, very puzzling to forgive a cheating important different and to regain that have faith. yet forgiveness does not mean, "it truly is nice." it is not okay to have an affair. that's a terrible sin. A mortal sin. Forgiveness potential acknowledging that incorrect has been executed yet being prepared to be merciful to the guy who committed that incorrect, and to proceed to furnish that man or woman Christian love. For a wounded important different, it may take lots counseling and a brilliant style of months or perhaps years earlier that 'lovey-dovey' feeling could be regained, although that's attainable if the two spouses are diligent approximately searching for healing. Forgiveness is likewise a technique, distinctly while a man or woman has been wronged so heavily as with adultery. The wounded important different could make up their strategies to forgive and nonetheless conflict with feeling charitable and merciful in direction of their important different for a while. as long as they're striving in direction of forgiveness and team spirit, and not attempting to make the cheating important different "pay" for their sin, they're ok. they're making progression.

Answer 5

What about your marriage did he find lacking? I would start there as he may have some valid concerns. Bringing a child into the world is a huge responsibility. If the two of you can ease his concerns then I'm sure he would agree to having one.

He was wrong for not telling you this sooner but at this point, there really isn't anything you can do about that. Perhaps he thought it would hurt you or cause incredible anger. Doesn't matter - what matters is addressing his concerns.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I just don't think that this relationship is healthy. If you truly love him and can't bear the thought of being without him, then try marriage counseling. If he refuses to acknowledge that he needs to join you in therapy, that's just one more slap in the face. Please remember that trust is the most important aspect of a loving relationship, and right now, he has not earned yours. You have every right to feel betrayed. You deserve to have someone who not only loves you, but respects you enough to be honest and forthcoming with his feelings. I wish you the best.

Answer 7

I understand what you might be going through, and I know from experience how it is to put your full trust in someone who is suppose to be your dear friend and husband and yet does not reveal very important details in your relationship. I would also feel betrayed and very hurt. One thing I've learned though, that if you allow hurt and bitter feelings to continue without resolution they may begin to dominate your emotions and often a bad situation can become even worse. My suggestion is to make it your goal with your husband to reach a solution to the problem. The surest way to do this is to search out and apply the Bible’s counsel. I have attached a link that you may find very helpful.

Answer 8

If I was in your situation I would have to say that I would be understanding and listen to his heart as well. I know it hurts you, it would make me really upset. I think that by him avoiding it was a way to not hurt you. Men dont use there heads sometimes like us girls use so much emotion. Its like when I met my husband, he was living with a "roomate". We started getting serious after a few months. I met him at work, one day I was talking to one of my girlfriends on the phone who had left months before Johnny and I got involved. She said, his he still living with his ex? He was in a bad relationship with her and was in the process of moving out.. he figured by not telling me he wouldnt hurt me, when I found out I was so upset! Men dont know how to express there feelings and it always makes things worse. I think they are scared of us.:) Look on the brighter side, if he isnt ready then when you have the baby he wont be the "best" father he is able to be. Work on your realtionship first so that you will both be happy when you decide to have children and there wont be any regrets or divorce. I think the way to trust him is to understand his reason, the same goes for him.. he needs to understand that avoiding his feelings only made it worse and hurt you more. He needs to figure out if he does eventually want children with you or without you? If he does he needs to start working on the relationship with you because you are ready. If he is totally against having children with you, then you need to move on and make yourself happy...in the end you are the only person that can make "you" happy. Put yourself first..and let him know that if he isnt ready to have children with you, then he married the wrong person!

Answer 9

You need to forgive him so he doesn't hold you down. When you hold on to things like that you hurt yourself. The good news is it is never too late to start over so now you know, pack your bags and move on. Leaving resentment behind. You know the end of the relationship is inevitable.

Answer 10

Better for you to have found out now then later with children. If the marriage is not working for you then it is time to get out, and fine someone that wants the same things you do before you get older.