should i file for divorce or not?

Question

i am so confused, and hurt. okay i've been married for two years almost, i love my husband, and i believe he loves me. there have been a few occasions where he'll get into a blind rage and he'll hurt me. once he busted my ear drum, but that was the worst of it and that happend two years ago. it would randomly happen every so often, a couple months then it stopped for about a year, then last saturday we got into an arguement and i got socked in the back of the head a couple of times. well he does his song and dance routine, where he swears he isn't ever going to do it again, i told him already last time, that if he ever did it again, that i would leave him, and i don't. i told him i don't want to be a statistic, i don't want this to happen anymore, blah blah blah, he always says the same thing, should i just leave it up to stress, or should i file for a divorce? or is it just random occurence,

thank you all for your answers, i needed to hear it bluntly. but it's easier said then done. i can't explain, he doesn't cut me off from friends and family, he doesn't tell me how to dress, he doesn't control the money, i have freedom he isn't really bad, but he does have anger issues, and i will approach him about that, and see if he will go to anger management, hell i'll even go w/ him, and to a marriage counselor. thank you again, i really appreciate it.

Answer 1

What do you want people to tell you? That he won't hit you again? Or, at least not too hard. Or, not too often. So, since you won't have bruises that show all that often, this is just one of those little quirks married people put up with? Heck, if you'd like, we can even tell you that he really means it this time. But, just in case you actually know what to do, and just posted to get feedback that shows that you AREN'T crazy. Then, yes, file AND get divorced. No wife should ever allow herself to be used as a punching bag. You should have filed the very first time he hit you. I've been married twice, over thirty years total, and never once hit my wife. Never.

Answer 2

~~This is a very difficult situation with no real comforting black and white answer. So many people want to tell you to leave because they've "been there and done that". (Not that they are all wrong.) Try to remember that it's not exactly the same because you're different people. Unfortunatly, you are a statistic already. If you really believe that you truly love each other, talk to him about it. Offer to go to counseling together and let him know that you are worried about BOTH of you. If he refuses, without even a second thought, I would say it's time for you to go. Don't be afraid to let him know that you WILL leave if he's not willing to get help. I have known people that will get just as violent after a couple drinks but be the sweetest person you've ever met when they're sober. One person found that drinking triggers a chemical reaction that causes them to act that way. That's why they were so apologetic afterword. This person stopped drinking and hasn't had a single violent outburst since. That's the only reason I'm suggesting you try to work it out. However, you can't make him try, so be strong and speak with conviction when you speak to him about it. Put yourself and your safety first and be ready to walk right out the door if need be. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers!

Answer 3

You know the answer to your question. You husband has issues. It will continue and it will get worse. The real question is whether you find the physical abuse self confirming. Do you have low self esteem? Do you secretly think you deserve it? These are the questions to answer, though I can understand your reluctance to present them in a public forum. Sweetie, you need to look deep inside yourself and find out what it is that you don't like and then change it. For there is something there. In some regard you feel you deserve this rough treatment, or you would not have stuck around after the first time and you would certainly not be seeking an answer to a question that should more properly be addressed to yourself (if you were brave enough to ask it) in cyberspace. Go talk to a trusted older person that you respect. Ask that person your question. And I am sure that they will tell you to get out of that relationship. And hopefully they will tell you that you are special, that you are unique in the universe and deserve to be loved, and that life is already too short and filled with tragedy to put up with this one second more. I wish I could be there for you. I would give you a hug and tell you to look inside yourself. Find that happy little girl that looked at life with such promise long ago. Bring her back. And know that we are out here for you, hoping for the best. Ok, sweetie? You are special! Special beyond words! Please know that, and get away from anyone who doesn't know that too.

Answer 4

Without knowing the whole story I would suggest that you seperate from him. Tell him you will not file for divorce if he is willing to get help. You can not stay with him under these circumstances though. After he gets help start slow meeting in public places.
The only reason I did not say divorce him is you really sound like you love him so I was just offering another possible solution. Good luck

Answer 5

I'm sorry you are going thought this, really. I think it's a terrible situation, because you should feel loved and safe with your husband, the person who has promised to care for you and to love you. Anyway, I would try first going to counseling, or support groups, couples therapy, looking for a way to fix the situation, an also a way to admit that there's a problem, and that it may breake your couple. If he still get's violent, it doen't matter how many times, you should leave him bvecause he wont make you happy, and you desserve that.

Answer 6

People have been seriousily hurt and/or even killed by being hit in the head. No guy antwhere has any justified reason to hit a woman at anytime anyplace. You need to file spousal abuse or domestic violence charges against him to show him youre tired of being his punching bag and ae not going to put up with it anymore. Now as for your marriage, only you can decide whether its worth saving or to divorce him on grounds of abuse and move on. It all depends on exactly just how much crap are you willing to put up with and where exactly the "enough is enough" line is drawn. Good luck

Answer 7

It's not your fault, and you are not wrong in your confusion. Leave now and don't look back. Leave before there are children involved, leave before you get hurt again. Don't stand up to him, don't give him an ultimatum, don't confront him, don't try talking it out. Just make a plan, pack a bag and leave without a word. Leave him a note if you don't think he's smart enough to figure it out on his own. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have been in this same situation. It was one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make. I don't believe in divorce so when i had to decide it nearly killed me. My situations started the same. Occasionally we would argue and he would hurt me, small things at first then as time went on and i stayed he had the assumption he could do anything to me he wanted. It went from throwing things at me, to actual beatings with his fists or objects around the house. I ended up having to have him arrested just to get away from him. He threatened my life, if i left. It took me many years to heal from the abuse and the divorce. But it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I dont think i would be here today if I had not removed myself from the situation. I learned in therapy that once they hit you and you continue to allow it to happen it will only occur more frequently, and give them the power to possess you. My advice to you would be to get out of that situation as quickly as possible and don't look back. Once he hits you, he will always think he can hit you. PERIOD.

Answer 9

FILE FOR DIVORCE AND THEN RUN, RUN VERY FAST AND DONT LOOK BACK. When your far enough away, get into therapy and figure out why you let him use you as a punching bag. Abusers like this ALWAYS make excuses and then they do it again. By the way, you cant change him so don't try. Good luck with that.

Answer 10

honey, your life and security comes first. There are two things that can be done.
A. (and please take your time to consider every aspect of your relationship here) Tell him he either goes to counselling or you leave, but be prepared if he gets enraged as sometimes abusers do.
B. Leave, and do it fast. One of this days, he might come drunk, mad, whatever and do more than hurt you, and then he will (and trust me, thsi is how abusers work) start abusing your children.
It's not a random occurence, it's an abuse pattern, and you should think about this seriously.