Should I be offended by my mother-in-laws comments about my baby?

Question

I am married to an only child. I am pregnant with our first child and we know it's a girl. This the first and possibly only grandchild for my mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law has 2 nieces who are 9 and 6 and no nephews. She spends a lot of time with her nieces and says she tries to "bond" with them as much as possible. She pretty much does grandmother things with them.

She is the only person in our families that doesn't want to know the sex of ourbaby. At Easter, she said in front of everyone, "Well, I want it to be a boy because I have been around my nieces for the past 9 years so another girl wouldn't be anything new for me. We haven't had a boy around since my son was born."

I was offended, her nieces are not her grandchildren so of course my daughter will be special no matter what. Nieces are different that having your own granddaughter. My husband said he thought it was stupid of her to say that and was offended as well.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I wouldn't be offended if I were you. If she does not know the sex of your baby is female then she didn't mean to be hurtful. I thin kshe will accept a girl lovingly. Good luck.

P.S. - mother in laws ALWAYS seem to say the wrong things. Ugh...

Answer 2

I am sure that you are both hurt by the comment but, I am sure that she didn't mean it that way. Sure, she said it wrong and should of never used those type of words or, kept it to herself . This is your baby and I am sure that it was very hurtful. I have five children and, the first three are boys. Well, when I found out what my third one was going to be I told my mom and she replied back"not another one" so, I know what your going through. All I can say to you is try to ignore it and if it happens again then maybe you should let her know that this is your first baby and no matter what the sex you are going to love this baby with all your heart and that her comments of the baby not being a boy truly hurts your feelings. Having nieces is so different then having a granddaughter. Good luck and congratulations on your baby girl.

Answer 3

I think it is offensive however, everyone will no doubtfully give you their opinions. She wants a boy because she has little girls in her life already. What she doesn't have in her life though is a GRANDDAUGHTER. If you and your husband both were a little offended I think you should confront her (graciously) and let her know that this is her grandbaby, not a niece or nephew. This is the baby of her own fruits and whether it is a boy or girl this baby will bring her more joy than she has ever known. Even her nieces can't bring her the same satisfaction as her granddaughter will.

I am sure her feelings will change 360 when she meets the eyes of her little granddaughter. She will love her up to pieces. Guaranteed. But, don't let her get away with offending you until then. Let her know that you and your husband may only have this one baby, and it is a girl, and you can't be sure even if you were to have 3 additional babies that one of them will be the boy she so ever desires. It's all in God's hands and you have a 50/50 shot every time. Ask her to be happy for you and your unborn daughter and ask her to be the best grandma she can be. Tell her you know how great she is going to be because you see her with her nieces and you can just tell that this granddaughter of hers is going to be one lucky little girl to have her for a grandma!!!

Answer 4

What she said and what she meant could have been two different things. Don't take her comments to heart or let it worry you. She is just wishfully thinking about a grandson and she said it in a way that wasn't very appropriate. I'm sure that when your baby is born and she sees that it's a girl that she will be just as happy than as if it was a boy. She may enjoy a change, but a grandchild is a grandchild no matter what gender, and grandmothers love and cherish them the same way.

If it will give you and your husband peace of mind, sit down with her and talk to her about it. Remind her that there is just as much chance of the baby being a girl as the baby being a boy. Tell her that you hope that the gender of your baby will not affect how special her grandchild will be to her. If you voice your thoughts about her comment she will realize how it came across to you. I'm sure she didn't mean for it to be hurtful at all, and she will reassure you of that.

If for whatever reason she will indeed be "disappointed" about your baby being a girl, then this is a desicion your mother-in-law will only hurt herself from.

Above all, just give her time. And don't stress about it. I'm confident it will smooth out.

Best of luck with the new addition to your family! Congrats!

Answer 5

Don't worry about it... she's obviously insensitive. You're not over-reacting and I'm sure everyone else at Easter (who knows the sex of the baby) thought she made herself look like an idiot when she made that remark! She's going to feel like a jerk when she hears you've had a girl.

When your daughter is born, get back at her... I saw this on the baby channel:

Some jerk was adamant about wanting a son and was waiting until the birth to find out the sex. When the baby (girl) was born, the midwife wrapped the baby in a blue blanket and handed her to the father. She said, "Sir, I regret to inform you, but your son has a birth defect."

The guy was in shock and asked what was wrong, so the midwife unwrapped the baby and showed the dad the baby's bottom and said, "Baby boys don't have those!"

It'll be funny and nothing too cruel, but I'm sure she'll think twice the next time she opens her mouth!

Answer 6

She probably didn't mean it the way it sounded. When I was pregnant with my first, and before we knew it would be a boy, my own grandma said "well, it better be a boy, we don't need any more split-tails (girls!) around here!" - because up to then there were only girls on that side of the family. I knew what she meant, lol. Your mother-in-law just inserted her foot as others said. As long as she doesn't keep up with such comments after the baby gets here, I would just let it go. After the baby arives, if she treats her differently than her nieces, then it will be time to say something.

Answer 7

I think it could be taken as an offence, but was not really intended that way. She's probably hoping for a boy just because she's done the girl thing so much as of late, she would prefer a change. But what if your little girl is a tomboy? Or maybe she's completely different anyway? She'll love her granddaughter no matter what, so just tell her how much you're looking forward to having your own child, and her FIRST GRANDCHILD. She'll be grateful, whatever the gender!

Answer 8

My mom-in-law does the SAME thing! She only wants me to have boys because all she had was boys, so that's really all she knows how to deal with. She takes all these old wives' tales and twists them around to wher she's SURE I'm having a boy. I haven't had my ultrasound yet, but I want it to be a girl...because I want a girl and I'm sick of her comments.

I'm just dealing with it for now, just taking her advice and rolling my eyes as soon as she walks away. But once I know the sex of my baby, if it is a girl and she continues to go on about how she wished it was a boy, I'll tell her that we can't change the gender now, and that even if I could I wouldn't...because this baby is special to me and should be special to her, too, as her first grandchild, regardless of the sex.

Answer 9

I would be offended as well.. My mother-in-law had a step granddaughter who was five when I was pregnant with my daughter... When my daughter was born, she spoiled my daughter like no other, because that was her first blood born granddaughter... But she then stopped paying attention to her step granddaughter because she really wasn't her granddaughter, as she put it... So, I think once you have your child, it will change, but I do hope she doesn't stop giving the other children the attention she is giving them now.. It does have a bad affect on them.. So I hope all goes well and I wish you the best of luck....

Answer 10

No, ignore it! you will be wasting your time, like I did. I used to get offended. but not any more. My mother in law pass comments also, on everything. My mother said she wants a girl.
What am I suppose to do?? Ignore them. I don't want to know the sex of the baby. All i want is a healthy baby.
You should do the same.

Once a pregnant woman, whom was my cousin, when she knew I am pregnant, told me: "Now you are Pregnant with your child, you will feel like its just you and the baby in the world. She also told me enjoy every minute and don't listen to what people tell you! " These words are still in my mind and in my heart. The only difference from my cousin is, that its not just me and the baby, but also my husband.

Your husband seems that he loves you and respects you. Live your own life in your own house and don't be bothered about stupid things. Life is too short!
Good luck and God bless you!

Answer 11

I may have responded with, "And what will you do if it's a girl? I know that my husband and I are just wishing for a healthy baby, girl OR boy."

Something like that will make her realize that she's being rude. If this was a one time remark then I would try to just brush it off because you don't need to stress yourself out during pregnancy. If she makes numerous comments about it, however, then I would say something tactful like I wrote up above just to make her get the point. Hopefully she'll realize that by voicing her wishes of having a boy she's going to make everyone feel awkward when it turns out to be a girl.