When do you say enough is enough and throw in the towel?

Question

I have 4 children with my husband of 9 years. We have been through hell and back together. The problem... he lets his dad control our lives. He has to ask his dad for his opinion on EVERYTHING. He will ask mine and then he has to go make sure it is ok with daddy before doing anything. To make matters worse they work for the same company and we live across the street from them. I didnt want to move here and I can't handle the stress of living this close to the inlaws. (We moved her in October) I told him I didnt want to move here but he REFUSED to look anywhere else and we had to move out of the house we were at. I don't believe divorce is the answer but I also don't believe my children should think this is healthy. What would you suggest? How do I make things work when I am sooo sick of trying without him trying? Thanks

The control thing was easier to deal with when his dad wasnt right up our butts all the time. In fact.. his dad tells him when OUR vehicles need air in the tires. Like we can't see that ourselves. But until his dad says something it doesn't get done. (Even if I have said something for weeks.)

Oh. We have tried marriage counseling but hubby wont be honest while there so nothing gets resolved. I think in a way hubby is scared of his dad but I dont know.

Answer 1

Without both parties working together there will be discord. You can't make him see your way or change him. You will have to either accept or move on. I suggest that you get professional counseling to help you with this situation. You need this whether he joins you or not. It is sad that he still has not let go of his parents and grown up yet. A man should make his wife and family first prioroty. I'm sorry he is treating you this way. I think you deserve better. God Bless.

Answer 2

Try marriage counseling; this seems like a very frustrating situation but hopefully not something worth ending a marriage (with 4 children!) over. With any luck, a therapist will be able to identify why he constantly seeks approval from his father and make some suggestions on how to deal with it. Even it he refuses to go, it may simply ease some of your stress to have someone to talk to about it. Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like you are willing to fight for your marriage, which is awesome! I recommend trying to set up a meeting with your husband at a nuetral time. This may sound weird but try and do something special like cook him his favorite meal. Get him in a good mood and then meet in a quiet nuetral place where you both can talk. make sure you are calm and then let him know how you feel and how hard this is. I hope he will listen to you. if not, you may need to move for a while to get him to see that you are serious. A marriage shouldn't be one sided but he should be, at least, willing to hear you out and work at it. keep trying!!!

Answer 4

Honey I am going through the same thing, I hear that you will know when enough is enough, it will no longer be a question. You will feel it inside and know you are making the right decision. Good luck and remember, letting go hurts everyone, but that does not mean you have made the wrong choice.

Answer 5

You cant continue to live like this forever or you're going to go insane your husband needs to grow up and become the man of his own family instead of a little boy letting daddy be the man of his family that he created if he cant realize this then its time to move on unless you want daddy to be your husband for the rest of your life -best wishes to you and your family !

Answer 6

I learned that you can't change your husband. I spent too many years wishing I could change him, trying to change him, threatening to leave if he didn't change and finally divorcing him. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't divorce him, I would suck it up and learn how to live with it. You can change yourself, you can change your perception of the situation, you can change some aspects of the situation by removing yourself from conversations, etc. But you can't change him. If you can't learn to live with him you have to figure out if its worth it to you and the kids to live without him. Good luck!

Answer 7

hello,
first of all :
it sounds like you've already made the decision to stay,meaning=you've gotten used to his family supporting him & your children in a mental & physicle way,that its become a rutine,like as if some 1 wrote a screen play for you to act in, that you have the script memorized in your head of how things are gonna go & turn out......
your just getting tired of playing the same carecture day in & day out,your coming to a point in your life where you need somthing to change in your personal life,in your unit.
moving is not the solution,embrasing it is,meaning=so his parents want to help him make desissions,bring in your parents to,or some family member to help you deside how to live with him,see how he likes having some 1 else telling you how to be with him...if you have any more ?'s like this you can contact me at http://www.kasamba.com/Sage-Psychic-Mona-Lisa

Answer 8

Everybody loves Raymond.

Answer 9

have a friendly word with the in-laws --get his undived attention and speak to him tell him how you really feel --if he is pig headed then im afraid whats good for the goose is good for the gander --failing that trial separation should bring him to his senses and if that doesnt work im afraid your floggin a dead horse

Answer 10

When you have put up with all you can stand then you will move away from him and start your life over. I wish you well.