Mother in need of help!! (please!!!!)?

Question

I am a 47 year old mtoher and I have a daugther who is 18. She is 18 years old and I feel terrible for what I've put her through. Ever since she was in 4th grade she has been harrassed so badly. It got so bad to the point where I myself would have to come to her school and bring her no field trips because students refused to let her be in there groups. I thought ti would end for her after 4th grade but it didnt'. She would run away constantly come home cryimg every single day. It hurt me. She had begged me to move but my husband and I chose to stay. We thought it would get better! It has been hell for my daughter for the past 8 years of her life. Her friends have been treating her TERRIBLE latley. Shes' not going to her prom because of her one best friend. I've been reading what she has been writing on here. She tells me everything which is good! She showed me what some people at work were saying about her the mean things. It brought me to taers. No mother likes to hear (adding more)

That there daughter is hated.People have called my daughter told her to go kill herslef and that the world would be better places. My daughter is almost afraid of people now. She's social but she feels like everything she does is wrong! I want to make that better for her. She's now says she is giong ot quit work because she does not like the way they are treating her.

I don't understand!! I've read waht shes written and it hurts me and brings me to tears that people are treating my daughter this way. But I assume she must be doing SOMETHING to get all these people upset with her.

I've asked her boyfriend i've had many talks with him and he himself can't understand it. He told me not to tell my daugther but that his friends have as well been making fun of her and his friends have NEVER met my daughter!

She told me she has been warning me latley that one day someone is going to push her to far and she's going to snap. She tells me it all the time. She says mommy one day..

she says one day mommy someone is going to push me to far. She got into a fight last year with one girl in her gym class. Aparentlhy the young girl did not want to be on her "team" for gym class and the girl cursed at her for the entire gym class bringing my daughter to tears and my daugther swung at the girl.

I feel liek a HORRIBLE mother! My daughter has been asking me for the past 8 yaers to move! Things are going horrible for her now her senior year and my biggest fear is she wll drop out!

I FEEL AWFUL
was I a bad mother for not moving??
I just thought kids will be kids I'm not sure what to think now!

was I a bad mother?

I apologize for the length of this. My next door neighbors had the same problems. But they ahd two children and once they saw that there 2nd daughter was being picked on the same way there first daughter and my daughter were being picked on they packed up and moved. There youngest daughter who is my daugher's age is now MUCH HAPPER her mother says!

I ask people why are they treating my daughter bad i have had friends of hers come up to me and TELL ME she did NOTHING wasn't even speaking to a certain person and they treated her badly!

My daughter has people she doesn't even KNOW treating her badly!! They just come up to her and make fun of her and she does not even KNOW THEM!

Answer 1

Ignore the first post here, she does it all the time.
Dunno whether you have been a bad mother or not as far as not moving goes, but you have stuck by your daughter and continue to do so. I think that's wonderful.

Answer 2

Good God, what kind of place do you live in??? You and the neighbors had the same experience? Please tell us where you are so none of us makes the mistake of moving there!

Anyway...sorry. It sounds pretty rotten for all of you. It's tempting to say there must be something about your daughter which invites all of this. Assuming she doesn't have some physical abnormality which turns people's stomachs or some gross mental deficiency (sad to say, you know it's true that human beings like to pick on differences and weaknesses), then it's probably as simple as a victim mentality: Once she developed it (in 4th grade), the other kids capitalized on it. Kids can be horrible little monsters. Making someone else feel weak makes them feel strong, and that's good enough for them. Why didn't you bring this up with school authorities and/or the police???

Sounds like you probably should have changed schools/neighborhoods/cities a long time ago, yeah. I wonder why you're so sorry, now, that you didn't? What's different? Just the prom thing? What makes that somehow worse than eight years of the crap she's put up with? And hasn't the eight years of crap made her stronger? Sounds like maybe it has--there was a fight recently, and she feels she's being pushed "too far." This isn't necessarily a bad thing, you know. She may be turning into a tougher person. The victim mentality may be dissipating--just what she needs!

I strongly, strongly recommend FAMILY counseling. You, your husband, and your daughter all need to talk with a professional about the family dynamics that allowed all of this to go on for so long. And if your daugher is feeling pushed "too far," a counselor can help her handle it in a manner which will not get her into trouble--this is important. There's a strong possibility that she is not mature enough to handle her recent feelings of semi-empowerment in ways that will not get her into trouble. And if there are other kids in the family, see if the counselor wants to see them, too. Chances are, they either need some help, too, or can shed some light on this situation.

And one thing...she has a boyfriend. If she were really so hopeless, I doubt any decent guy would make time for her. He IS decent, isn't he?

Answer 3

I'm just confused as to what could have started such a wide spread hatred of your daughter. That's horrible. If it's this bad sticking around and talking to teachers doesn't even seem as though it would work. That should've been done when the problem first started.

I would say the best thing for her to do is get away from that area. Definitely go stay with family for the summer to start with. And then go away for college.
Everyone in the world is not that cruel. Since she has a boyfriend I would think that she understands that much.
Some time away won't fix the problem completely but it's a start.

You are definitely not a bad mother. You've at least realized the problem and are trying to get help.

Answer 4

Thats tough. I would definitely consider moving if it is that bad and hasnt changed for 8 years. Though running away from your problems is never good, it may be better than the latter option of staying in this case. You should really consider why your daughter is not liked and picked on. Kids do not pick on other kids for just no plain reason. There is always a reason and I suggest you get down to the bottom of it, because that is the root of the problem. Also, maybe your daughter just has the wrong friends? Not all kids are mean and maybe she is just hanging around the wrong crowd. Finally, just comfort her, me and my mother always have girls nights out when im feeling bad. We go out to dinner and we shop and see a movie. Its fun and we talk and relieve alot of stress that had been building up. Maybe this time will also help you get to the bottom of things, how she really feels, and sort everything out and decide what the best action to take is.

Good luck =]

Answer 5

Why do you feel badly for what othes have done? I was wondering what you did , Or why do you feel you are the one who has caused your daughter to be harassed? or made fun of. WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE HARASSMENT? Have you ever just asked the kids at school why they have such a dislike for your daughter? Have you maybe consider that you're daughter could be suffering from same sort of mental disorder that may possibly make her think that othes are talking about her? Children be cruel to other children but it seems that ther must be some underling mental problem that might be causing her to think no one likes her I think that she should go see someone that is not biased to see if she has some deep rooted problem, maybe something happened to her at a younger age that only she knows, in that case she should seek therapy.

Answer 6

well.. there is nothing you can really do. your daughter is old enough now that she can make her own descitions on getting help. im not saying your daughter is a bad person at all, but there has to be something she did or is doing for EVERYONE to hate her? people are just plain mean sometimes but there has to be something? then again im almost 20 and i know there are just mean people. your not wrong for moving because there is nothing you could have done to stop the kids at school. it sounds like you are feeling guilty for something you couldnt control. it would have been harder for her to adjust somewhere else probably. moving somewhere else would have put a great burden on all of you and when things go wrong, you cant just up and leave, you have to solve it.. she is obviously surrounding herself with scummy people if her own friends are treating her like sh*t. excuse the language but.. either she did something bad that she is not telling you, or shes around the wrong people. tell her to go away to college and start fresh somewhere else.

Answer 7

no your not a bad mother you tried to the best for your daughter and things didn't work out. stuff like that happens all the time. But now what i would do is move out of the place if it bothers her that much and try and stop things from gettings worse. we'll i really feel bad for what ur daughter has to go through i wish you guys the best of luck.

Answer 8

You are not a bad mother so dont for one second think that. i think you probably should have moved and there may be something your daughter has done to cause all of this attention. But mostly its probably just the students at her job and school. Sign her up for her to visit a social group. Everything should be just fine!

Answer 9

you dont have to move, just transfer her to a different school. if these mean kids decide to go to your house and vandilize and egg and TP your house, move. they WILL start threating to kill her, hurt even rape her. i went through almost the same thing. im so sorry for you and your daughter.and youre NOT a bad mother! its the teenagers that are the ones being bad. you CAN start home schooling her. and if no one likes her at her job, tell her to quit and find a new one if she wants to. and have you informed the principal? if so, he probably didnt do anything. if this is her senior year, then itll be over in a few months. but, thats all i know. i hope the meaness stops

Answer 10

Sorry to hear what she and yur family is going thru but I wonder why they don't like her? Well teh best thing is to go to the school and show them what some of the studenst are writing about her and tell them if it doesn't stop you will sue the school and make them stop. Because they are all liable for doing that. I don't see why her bf doesn't know or doesn't do something about it neither. But go to the school principal first and demand to find out what's going on or your will sue the who school system. Because bullying in school is illegal and if the teachers or teh principal doesn't do nothing you can sue the school.

Answer 11

Honestly, where in hell do you live? I have never heard of such a large concentration of hateful people in a single place. And at the age of 18? These kids must be horrifically immature. I feel sorry for your daughter...though it does NOT sound like it's your fault at all. You obviously are a good mother who cares.