I've dug myself a hole?

Question

I'm a married man with a good wife, and children. I also have a very good friend of the opposite sex that untill recently was innocent enought. Though nothing has happened yet, an event recently caused our friendship to change (we came very close to making a trip to her bedroom). I backed away for the sake of my wife, children, and her husband. but now were trying to figure out how to salvage our friendship. I'm at a loss but she came up with the idea to go ahead with where we were headed to remove the tension and go from there. I will admit that I'm very interested but don't think it will solve anything and will only cause the situation get worse, besides that, what it would do to my wife or her husband if they ever found out. Any ideas on how to solve this would be appricated. I don't really want to give her up as a friend, as we are very close, but I'm affraid that nothing I do will change these new feelings we have.

I should also add. She dose have a very poor marrige, that I have been trying to help her through (trying to keep them together). but in recent conversation, she had admited to me that sence our close call, " I consume her every waking and sleeping thoughts" and that the other night while she "with" her husband, during some point she replace him with me.

Answer 1

You need to stop seeing eachother...PERIOD.
If you think you cant live with these "desires" to be with your friend, think of how youre going to live with the guilt after you sleep with her. YOU WONT, and it will lead to Divorce, child support, and it will SUCK!!!

Answer 2

Walk away from the light...Which is really more important to you? Your wife and children or your friendship. Turn your efforts toward your family. Salvage that and hold it close. If she is really the friend you say she is, then she will want that for you and understand your feelings. These things happen to everyone. We all fall short at some point in our lives. But I can promise you...if you continue to try and save this "friendship", the two of you will only grow closer. What you said you were trying to avoid WILL become a reality. Don't put yourself or your family through that.

Answer 3

Boy oh boy a big hole indeed. you sound like a guy who is for the most part thinking correctly. Don't Do It !!!!!!! You will never be able to undo it! She is not helping the situation and honestly there is only one answer. You have got to drop her! You have got to repent whether you are a christian or not you need to tell someone you trust and be held accountable for any decision you make from here on out.
If this family and yours are close and interact then you have got to find a way to tell your wife she will want to know what happened and will get VERY suspicious.
Just DON'T Do it it will only do more harm than good. It will rip apart everything you cherish. It will destroy your family as a whole and as individuals. There is no way to go back from here it is too late you will have to end the relationship.

Answer 4

The answer should be obvious to you.

Of course sex sounds interesting. But if you sleep with her, everything in your life will change forever. The friendship you have with her will end. The marriage you had will end- even if you stay married. And your feelings toward everyone will end.

Lets face it. Time will change the new feelings you have. Stop thinking about her. Think about your life and the decisions you made years ago. The situation is so dangerous and alluring you don't even know what you are thinking.

Are you not above your hormones? If she really is your friend...(which honestly it doesn't sound like it)...she would want you to be loyal to your family and wife.

Currently she is willing to cheat on her husband. For what? A few hours of horny fulfillment. Come on now. She is unhappy in her marriage for whatever reasons and she is willing to take what you have away.

Concentrate on building things with your wife. Drop the "friend". No matter how much I wanted to sleep with a friend of mine, I would never ever encourage something like that. It betrays friendship and love.

Look at who really loves you. The one who loves you wouldn't cheat. That is the truth. Get a reality check babe.

Answer 5

Well, how would you feel if your wife did it to you? I personally feel that there is no way for a man and woman to be friends only. The only way a guy would be REAL good friends with a woman is if they were semi-attracted to them at least. I mean, think about it, would you be hanging around in public with some disgusting pig? NO! Usually it starts as a friendship, but you build trust and love for each other, then the next time one of you feels lonely, BAM! Your having sex. And I gotta tell ya, cheaters suck!!!! **** cheaters!!!! So, If you can't resist the urge to get in her pants, you should just stay away. Otherwise, make it perfectly clear to her that you are married and so is she, and it has to stay friendly. I'm telling you though, from experience, that almost never works. Unless you're gay. :D

Answer 6

Honestly, I think it is time you give her up as a friend. There will always be that sexual tension between you two, and if you fulfill that desire it will cause a lot of hurt and damage to people in your lives. I understand that you dont want to end the friendship, because of how close you two were before the situation, but things happen in life where we need to move on from people. Not saying she is bad, but there is no sure way of reassuring yourself that it wont happen, and more than likely it may happen again. So, it's better to end it than to end up losing your wife and children. I know it's not the answer you want, but it is sometimes the answer you need.

Answer 7

The friednship has changed and unless you both want to risk your lives as you now know it STOP. You can not maintain the same level of friendship you had with her because of the 'almost'...not to mention she has made it clear she wants to go all the way and have the nerve to think this will solve the problem. Do not be alone with this woman anymore. I'm happy you were able to stop it this time but if she wants it to happen she may be able to convince you. I'm not saying you shouldnt remain friends with her anymore BUT the friendship has definetly changed and I truly doubt losing your wife and children is worth the romp in the hay. G'luck!

Answer 8

The line has been crossed. The tension is there. If you make fun of it you run the risk of hurting her feelings. If you try and ignore it the tension will grow. If you act on it that's not what friends are for is it?

You can't back up now. The only thing you can do is decide what type of person you want to be and act on that.

Answer 9

If she's your friend. She will understand why you don't want to take it any further. Trust your gut. Your gut says its only going to get worse. If you know something is wrong, then it is. Ask yourself if you wife had a "friend" like that how would you feel. This will only get worse if you continue to "dig". A lot of people can get hurt if you proceed. Ask yourself what's worse, disappointing your friend, or your wife/family? Losing your "friend" or wife/family? Learn to follow your heart again and not excitement. There is still time to make the right choice.

Answer 10

Time to play "good idea, bad idea".

Good idea - letting your friend know that so long as you are married you're going to be faithful to your marriage, your wife and your kids.

Bad idea - thinking that having sex with your married friend is going to help anything.

Think simply - what have you got to gain by your action, and what have you got to lose? The "lose" list should get pretty long if what you say here is true.

Answer 11

Is this someone you would consider a friend? You poor thing... A friend would never encourage cheating on your wife. And she is not even a good person for wanting to be with you since she is married too. But then, maybe u 2 idiots deserve each other. Go ahead and do it. Your spouses will find out and leave u. And they should cuz they deserve better than you.