My GF was raped by her older brother as long as she can remember how can i help her?

Question

Her brother raped her as far back as she can remeber and now she blames herself because she didnt tell him to stop doing it until she turned 7/8 then she told a family member and now they disown him and she thinks the reason they hate him is her fault also. She grew up being raped by her brother so thats all she knew until she became of age when she realized it was wrong So how can i help her understand or what can i do?

Answer 1

I have worked in rape and domestic crisis counseling throughout my career. You sound very young and you also have impressed me as being a fine young adult with good character. The thing is that you can not fully comprehend what your girlfriend is going through and she needs a lot of time to work this out. The rape itself stopped but, the memories and the feelings will not go away.....never. They may be easier for her to handle once she learns how and is able to talk about it.
Being victimized like that at a young age, the the continual violence that happened for years will effect all relationships that she has with men.....the best thing you can do for her.....
patience, love, acceptance, understabding boundaires, and reassuring her that going to a counselor is the best thing that she can do for herself and for you. That will be a very frightening thing for her, because once a rape victim says it out loud or talks about it, the feelings come back. You are very right about the guilt. It is very common with a person who has been raped. It is a common feeling that one has but, it is not right. She did nothing wrong. I need to share something with you. I remember watching a movie once. The woman was raped and had to immediately take a shower after the event occured. She kept saying she felt dirty. Sir, she felt dirty on the inside and all the showers in the world couldn't take that away from her. In my years of counseling I have heard women tell that they can still feel the fingerprints of the assailant on their body.......they feel dirty and unworthy because they have been raped. They feel guilty because they don't feel worthy of a good man's love after what they experienced. Please, please don't try to handle this alone. Be there for her, listen, be patient, and keep telling her to go to counseling or a support group. Support groups are sometimes the best way to go at first because she will see that others have experienced what she has and she is not alone. Sorry for the long post...I'm not looking for two points. I'm looking for your girlfriend to find peace of mind so that she can move on in a healthy relationship.

Answer 2

Speaking as a rape victim myself I can tell you that giving her your love and support are vital. Try and see if she would go talk to a counselor or got to a support group. It really helps talking to someone who has been in a similar situation. It's not her fault, but honestly she won't get to the point where she knows it's not her fault until she gets some real help with a professional. Keep being supportive and doing what your doing. You can tell her it wasn't her fault until you are blue in your face but she won't really understand that until she's ready.

In the mean time check out www.rainn.org It's a great site for rape/incest victims and their families. It will have links to counselors in your area. There is also a toll free number she may be able to call. Check it out and I hope this has helped.

Answer 3

There really is not a cut and dry answer to this question. A girl I dated was raped by her grandfather and held it in until he passed away. First off, do not press talking about the situation, let her open up about it. But, it is definitely something she should talk about, it will help with dealing with the emotions and the hurt and possibly bring some clarity to her. Her feelings on the situation may never really change, rape is such a damaging act to the victim on so many levels, and often they blame themselves for it - a tough thought to overturn.

Just be there and be supportive and let her know that there is a lot of good ahead for the both of you.

Answer 4

i'm answering this on account which you only defined my son to a tee different than he did not smash right into a house the place he knew the folk he broke into properties of those he did not understand. the final prognosis replaced into he replaced into sexually molested whilst he replaced into very youthful. He hated me because of the fact i in no way considered it. He only needed somebody to be certain it and help and no person did. His anger have been given worse and worse till he went to detention center for 2 years. It replaced into there that he have been given to the backside of his problems. He spent 2 years there and now could be returned at abode and we've a extra efficient dating yet I even have heard him out he can talk approximately it now. As a infant he does not talk because of the fact boys won't admit that something like that surpassed off to them. attempt to discover somebody that has lengthy surpassed via this and have them refer to him perhaps that's what it fairly is all approximately he replaced into harm deeply and has no thought a thank you to handle it. you are able to't do something approximately it. He has to renowned that he isn't on my own in this. Sorry, i'm hoping you will discover the help he desires and that he can handle it.

Answer 5

YOU can do nothing. She needs PROFESSIONAL help. She has problems and if you look at her for the long term you have to deal with issues that she has to overcome herself. Any man will probably be part of the problem and as far as her family, she has to deal with that. She should be happy her family did not turn on her for the brother...This situation is bigger than most can deal with. She needs long term consulting to help her understand. Not a boyfreind's advice. Good Luck...;

Answer 6

As much as you want to help, show her things, and make her see things differently-this is not your place, there is NOTHING you can do, no matter what you do or how hard you try.

She should go talk to a consoler.. at school or her family should send her to one.

This is way out of your ball park and I know you wish you could do something, just hearing this i wish i could also...

Tell her she should go talk to someone who might be able to help.. If she doesnt theses emotions could lead to things later down the road in her life such as depression..

This is a serious matter, make sure she gets help!

Answer 7

Incest is not an easy topic to discuss in some families and you have to understand that she's been sexually abused for much of her childhood so she may be leery about being intimate with you and having sex. She needs to be in counseling to deal with the aftermath of that kind of trauma. There's nothing you can do except be supportive, but leave that to trained mental health or psychiatric professional to deal with.

Answer 8

It'd be tough for her to get that w/out the help of a professional. Any chance you can talk her into speaking w/a psychiatrist? She honestly needs that objective authority to walk her through this to get to accepting she was the victim, and none of this is her fault.

Answer 9

I think the problem is so serious that it would be good if she would go to a therapist! Im sure that somebody who is professional can help her in the right way and of course she needs You also!!! So help her in everything and talk with her a lot about it (if she wants)

Answer 10

try to tell her that she should feel bad and what she did was the right thing to do. It hurst because he was her own kind but would she be able to live with it for the rest of her life if her brother still lives with them and kept on raping her?