My wife wants to be the boss in our house. She wants to try to decide by herself without consulting me. Moreover, she doesnt tell me where will she go, also the time of her return. If I am mad, she shows that she is more angry than I am. I want to avoid conflict, but it seems its too much.I feel pain all the time, but I dont understand her attitude. What should I do?
2007-04-09 06:50:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don't know, be a man. (did I already say this?)
2007-04-09 06:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn the table and start acting like her. When she finally starts asking what is up? Then ask her if she enjoys being treated this way.
Sometimes when people get angry because they are confronted, its a rouse that they are trying to cover something up. You might have more problems then your wife just trying to be bossy.
You really need to sit her down and talk things out. Tell her that you respect her and love her, and that you are here for her. But that her behavior is selfish and the both of you need to be a partnership in this marriage. If she does not want any part of your conversation, then you might need to tell her that you both need counseling, or that you need to move out until she decides that your marriage is needs help.
2007-04-09 13:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by pecksun8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to step up and speak up. You deserve to be treated with respect as a human being, and moreso as her husband. Huband means "house-band". YOU hold the house together - not as your wife's superior, but as the leader of the household. There are a few points I want to share with you, in no certain order:
Not only should we treat others as we would like to be treated (a point she needs to see), but we need to treat ourselves as we would have others treat us.
People tend to do to you what you allow them to, much of the time. They will push as far as they can get. You must stand your ground - but to do that, you must first believe your stand.
Work on your self-confidence, and the clarification of your role as a man and husband. It will show, and gain her respect.
Your wife sounds like a controller. And many people who lack control in their own lives, in some way - try to regain it by exerting control on others. What is she afraid of? Why does she feel the need to be in control? Is she afraid of being controlled? These are some questions you should ask her. Talk to her, heart to heart - all bull aside. See if the two of you can pinpoint the problem. You also need to set some clear boundaries. This is not a control measure on your part - this is regaining ground that is rightfully yours as a person and husband.
Its an interesting concept, but many who control or abuse - while they are the ones in the wrong, and initiating this behavior - when they see the ones they are hurting, taking it "laying down", so to speak...well, they are infuriated even more, that you don't stand up for yourself. They view it as weakness - an attribute they can't stand.
Consider why you accept this behavior. Certainly, you knew your wife before she was your wife. Why would you tolerate, then marry someone who treats you this way? Do you feel on some level, that you deserve it? Sort that out for yourself, and come to realize your worth.
So talk to her, try to pinpoint the cause of her behavior. Be understanding, patient, and forgiving - seems backwards to some, but returning her behavior, will only make hers worse. The idea is to make her relax and feel she can talk to you. More gets done this way. Tell her how it makes you feel, when she behaves this way. Avoid accusatory statements, and absolutes like "always" and "never". But be honest about everything. Also be firm, confident, and let her know that you will NOT be treated this way. Work on believing the words you will say, and carry yourself in that manner. You may also consider the help of a counselor. This is not hopeless. I wish you both the best. :)
2007-04-09 14:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She thinks your a push-over. Explain to her that things that affect the couple should be decided by the couple together. (If she continues to do things outside of your advice, make some decisions yourself outside of her advice) She sounds like a control freak, so I would suggest couple's counseling. However, unless she changes her ways, I would suggest a parting of ways. She's never going to respect you unless you make a stand. When their are problems in a relationship, blame does not lie always with one party. In a relationship such as yours, or with a wife such as yours, I'm sure everything ends up being your fault. Tell her either she respects you as a man, as spouse, and as her equal, or to hit the road and find a different puppy dog that she can boss around. A girl like that will eventually only have herself and her 100 cats to boss around.
2007-04-09 14:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit her down and talk to her. Would she like it if you went out all the time with "the guys" and didnt call? Or if you buy a flat screen plasma TV without consulting her first. She has to realize the golden rule "do unto others as you would want done unto you!" A marriage counselor might be a last resort/
2007-04-09 13:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show her you wear the pants! May wanna start lifting weights, dude. Take kick boxing classes and vent some steam. She'll notice a change. If you cower like a sniveling spineless sack of **** then shes gonna walk all over you. You're a man!! Make her SEE THAT!
2007-04-09 14:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by Manda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about your feelings and see if she would be willing to go to a marriage counselor. If not you might think about a separation to see if her attitude can change. I'm wondering why you didn't recognize this behavior before you married her...
2007-04-09 13:58:56 · answer #7 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either she is really insecure about herself or she is up to something and using 'bullying' to cover it up. In either case you're not alone. Tell her how it makes you feel, if she acts out again tell her you want to go to counciling and if that don't work file for divorce and find someone better~GOOD LUCK~
2007-04-09 13:55:54 · answer #8 · answered by lil~confused~one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell how you fell and if that doesn't work stand up for yourself, if that still doesn't work leave her.
You must have known what she was like before you got married.
Grow some balls and get some equality or move out.
2007-04-09 13:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel pain all the time that is not good. Talk to her about it, seek couples counseling. Maybe you aren't cut out for each other.
2007-04-09 13:56:31 · answer #10 · answered by Varlis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didnt you see it coming when you were getting into the relationship ? Some people are bossy, get used to it or move on..
2007-04-09 13:57:54 · answer #11 · answered by Don 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋