I have a man who constantly lies... Advice?

Question

He lies about just about anything he thinks may upset me. But what he doesnt realize is, when I find out, (which i always do...) I am way more upset. How do I get it thru his head that he must be truthful with me or I will never be able to trust him... therefore cannot be with him

I am so in love with this man.. We are about to get married... we have a baby on the way.. I really don't want to leave him.. It's not a choice to me. I don't believe he is cheating on me, but if I did have concerns, why would I believe anything he says?

Any women or men out there that can give me advice on what I should do? I have confronted him so many times with lies that he is telling me, and he always says I try to be truthful and it's hard... He says that he is afraid i won't love him anymore... this is when we are talking about things of his past.. Which I understand is his past, but I want to know all of him, not just the good stuff he thinks i should know...

ADVICE? :-\

Answer 1

2 different things. If you are asking him about his past. You just need to let it go, and concentrate on your lives. If he is lying about things going on now, it shows a character flaw. and probably won't change. By all means don't get married until this is all worked out.

Answer 2

Do not get married yet. This is not the ideal situation to raise your child in....and I know you are scared and fear filled. I have been in the same situation and once you marry him (especially if you have a religious conviction to stay married) this is the catalyst for disaster.
Get counseling BEFORE marriage for both of you; but if he does not agree....for yourself.

There are many issues to be addressed: Is he truly afraid that he will upset you or is this a character issue? The best predictor of future behavior is current behavior. Without intervention this will continue into his hiding infidelity.

I knew this about my husband before I married him...I thought he has been hurt so much by other people, I am the only one that understands him, I will help him change. Three children and several extra marital affairs later, including finding out that he married me while he was still married to his first wife (oh, I later found out that she was really wife #4 or #5....he was 24yrs old at that time).....I finally left so that my sons would NOT treat women the way I was being treated.

Lust is hurried; but LOVE will wait. Wait and get some help BEFORE you are more tied to this person. Your child is a lifelong connection; but not a lifelong commitment to this man.

Answer 3

you have two choices only: marry him knowing he will always be a liar about everything...some people are like that (I was married to one for 16 years, always knew when lies were flying, did not push for the truth...no point, only more lies would result
OR
do not marry him if this is going to be an issue, he will NOT change anything about him. This is a life long pattern, and you can do nothing to change it...don't even think you can, for YOU will be the fool, not him. You already know the score, the game will not change. If you cannot live a life of lies, then run, don't walk, to the nearest exit, collecting child support on the way out. Good luck.

Answer 4

Here is your question: "How do I get it thru his head that he must be truthful with me or I will never be able to trust him... therefore cannot be with him."

You then go on to say that you are about to marry this man!

It doesn't add up. You say you won't be with him unless he stops lying . . . but you are planning to marry him knowing full well that he is a liar.

You can't have it both ways. You either leave the guy because he is a liar, or you accept that he is a liar and marry him anyway. Those are your choices. I don't blame you if you don't like them, but there it is. Good luck.

Answer 5

Sometimes its hard to be completely honest with the one you love because you do have that fear of upsetting them and letting them down. I know that it is harder to hear the truth after you've been lied to.

Maybe you should sit down and talk with him. Let him know how you feel and tell him everything that you wrote in your question. It's not fair that he lies to you, he should respect you and respect that if he's doing things that will upset you, maybe he should stop that so he doesn't have to lie.

It's your decision to trust this man or not, I know that its hard to trust someone when you know that they have lied a lot, personally I can't. If you've always been truthful tell him that and let him know that you deserve the same.

Marriage is a huge committment and you need to be sure this man is the right one for you. If he can't respect you enough to tell you the truth, how is he going to respect you in your marriage? Trust is extremely important and I don't think relationships can survive without him.

I really wish you luck. This situation doesn't sound fun and I'm sure you've been hurt by his lies. Let him know how you feel and hopefully things will change. Good luck!

Answer 6

Probably the best advice you'll get. Pay attention now. My dear...you say "or I will never be able to trust him". You mean you do now?
Trust is first in a relationship...communication is next. Either of those two fail and problems will result. No trust? Then you can never, ever have a good relationship. despite the fact you're carrying his child and you love him, you're placing yourself in a very dangerous situation.
"I try to be truthful but it's hard" he says? You've got to be kidding right? he even admits he can't tell you the truth. You'd better end this period. If you stick with him then you're a fool and deserve the misery, mistrust, jealousy and hate that's standing in the wings waiting to make it appearence.

Answer 7

You got engaged to, and knocked up by this guy. In other words, you accept him so totally, that you are marrying him. And now you want to change him. At some point, you decided that trusting him was not a top priority for you; otherwise, you would have not said yes when he asked you to marry him, you would have said, "No, I can't marry you because I can't trust you." Now you're trying to change the rules on him. Look, you either take him as he is, or not. You can't marry a man expecting him to change -- it doesn't work that way.

Answer 8

the guy you have been linked with isn't a guy. a guy does not behave in this sort of way. i'm sorry to your discomfort. I even have additionally been harm by skill of adult adult males and it variety of feels like the discomfort will never dissolve. alongside with continual placed up stressful placed up sickness I even have additionally been clinically determined with Borderline character sickness. that's extremely annoying to recover from issues with this sickness because you have a tendency to replay the incident repeatedly back and we don't have a grey section, so its annoying to enable issues pass. All i will say is talk on your psychological wellbeing care service approximately getting extra one on one counseling instructions and in step with danger some new meds. start to do issues that are all approximately you, this facilitates alot.

Answer 9

Married and Divorced a pathological liar, they start to believe their own lies. You can't help him, he needs to seek professional help, And want to change. Think twice before marring someone you can not trust. Having a child together does not make you obligated. And do you really want him teaching your child that behavior? And believe me, unless he gets help, your child will.

Answer 10

He will always do this. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
Look, you knew about this when you were dating, and now you are making a second mistake by having his baby, and now you want to make a third mistake by marrying him?? Sheesh!