What would you do if your husband was constantly accusing you of having affairs with other men?

Question

Im not asking for myself but for a freind.Her husband is constantly calling her every where she goes and she gets accused of screwing construction workers,the neighbor, the doctor ,the pharmicist,the clerk at the hardware store.This sounds crazy to me.I sthis something that can be fixed with meds or is insane jealousy permanent she is ready to leave.

Answer 1

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." Pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly. Prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you are late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

5. ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who support you of "causing trouble." May deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: Says, "You make me angry," instead of, "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. May expect children to do things far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or teases them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you, " then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it."



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I got those from Dear Abby. They are signs of an abusive person. If he shows these signs, I would advise that your friend leave the man. He will most likely NOT change, even through counseling and meds.

Answer 2

My boyfriend has done the same thing from the get go. I thought it might disappear after he realized I was not the type to do those kinds of things, but it never did. I've constantly been told that the blinds had to be shut on the house because if they weren't i was flaunting around for the neighbor. If someone waved at me at the stop sign that was male, I was doing something with them.

Honestly, your friend needs to realize that her husband will not change. He has some insecurity that makes him feel like no matter what anyone he is with will be unfaithful. I tried reassuring mine time and time again and he never let it go. It only got worse. The longer she allows him to treat her this way the worse the verbal abuse will become and the more her self esteem will deminish. If she values herself as a strong woman, she will understand that she can't fix him and his problem and she'll never live a good life feeling happy with him.

I wish her lots of luck. There are others who have been through the same thing and understand completely.

Answer 3

He sounds like a low self esteem, bullying moron. Forget the meds. Those only work when and if taken. If she's thinking of leaving then perhaps as a friend you should tell her the time for thinking has passed. Her next steps should be making arrangements to take the leap and get out from under this smothering and psychotic lunatic. She'll be better off and have peace of mind as well.

Answer 4

She should start screwing construction workers,the neighbor, the doctor ,the pharmicist,the clerk at the hardware store and every guy under the age of 50, except Her soon-to-be ex-husband.... Whatta moron...

Answer 5

I'd be happy that my husband was even paying attention!!!! LMAO Shows some kind of jealously and that means he doens't want anyone to have me! But for your friend, sounds like this guy is going overboard. He may have a big self esteem issue, a cheating ex experience or this friend of yours gave him reason to doubt her. It's not meds that he needs (just yet) but counseling and a good long talk with his wife to hash out exactly why he does this. It's hard becuase men are stubborn and don't want to admit that it may be self esteem. He's going to have to open up if he wants to keep a relationship with her. A GOOD relationship...

Answer 6

Wow. Well, there would be two steps to take. If I were her, I would sit down with him and have a serious discussion and find out what his problem is. Why he's so jealous and is there a trust issue that she doesn't know about? Does he have that low of a self esteem? If she does'nt get answeres that sound legitimate or if he gets mad that she even wants to have this discussion, it's time to get out and move on. Who wants to be hounded everyday? He sounds like he has some serious issues that need to be dealt with that she may not be able to help him with.

Answer 7

It sounds like her husband has the cycle of a domestic abuser. He may not fit the physical abuser characteristics but he definitely fits the emotional ones. If left untreated, this can turn into a very serious problem. I would urge your "friend" to seek marriage counseling with her husband and try to resolve these issues. If he absolutely refuses to go, it means he is unwilling to change his habits and will continue the abuse. Good luck.

Answer 8

The guy is a nut case--and it will only get worse. Soon he will be following her to stores and such. Walking in to her job unannounced. These type of guys are freaks and usually become physically abusive .
Medications do help, but these types will soon stop taking the meds because THEY have decided they don't need them as everyone else is crazy--not them.
Tell her to leave the loon.

Answer 9

My wife works with someone that told her that her husband was very jealous and always checking up on her.

The interesting thing was my wife's cubicle is close enough to hear this person on the phone and has heard this person on the phone being lovey dovey and then her husband calls and she acts very different.

Unless you are in the relationship you really don't know what is going on. Is she fooling around? (50-50 chance because its a "yes" or "no" answer)

Answer 10

I have the same husband. Tell your friend that it is his problem, not hers (if she hasn't given him a reason to feel this way!) My guy has self-esteem issues due to past relationships and has brought his baggage to our marriage. But, when I ask him if he has a guilty conscience (maybe he is accusing me so I won't suspect him), he shuts up! P.S. We have been together nine years and with patience and understanding and love, he has gotten much better. Your friend's fellow may need therapy or just patience and understanding.