a while. (not cigarettes) I myself am very against this. I have caught him doing this a few times, and it makes me feel like he does not love me. we have been together for 14 years altogether. He did do this b4 we got married, and he said he would quit. I get very hurt every time it happens. i don't think its worth getting a divorce over, but i am not sure what to do.....
Any ideas??? when we get into a fight about it, he says he is sorry, and that he loves me and wants to be with me. I just don't understand. Othe than his he is great. (husband and father)
2007-04-09 04:50:06 · 18 answers · asked by Katie k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since you've already made up your mind that iy's not worth leaving him, then why bring it up? By doing that you have put yourself into a position where you have to accept it. If he thinks that you accept it, he will start doing it more often, and out in the open. At this point, he knows that you don't like it and that you will start some drama if you catch him. So he will keep it away from you.
It's obviously not affecting your relationship if you think he's a great husband and great father. So let him have this recreation once in awhile. Quit dragging it out into the open, and it will remain an occasional thing.
I'm actually on the other side of the coin. Before I got married, I smoked "it' but I stopped because it was interfering with my ability to socialize. Ever since I got married, I've been alot happier than I was before. But the only thing that I felt was missing was the occasional recreational smoke. So I get some once in awhile, but I make sure that it doesn't involve her in any way. The last time was over a month ago, but I'm ready for some more. It has nothing to do with the feelings I have for my wife. And when your husband does it that has nothing to do with his feelings toward you. Consider this... he was doing that before he ever met you.
So I think your best option is to make sure he knows that you don't want any involvement, and you don't want to see him doing it. Well, it sounds like you've already done that. But beyond that, if you keep bringing it up with him, you have to either accept it or reject it. And neither of those seem like good options for you.
Some things are better left alone.
2007-04-09 05:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is a great husband and he smokes weed once in a while has it ever occured to you maybe it makes him happy and mellow.If you keep pushing the issue you may push him away.Really he is a grown man he has a right to do as he pleases and as you say he is great.So look the other way.You need to pick your battles and this in my area is such a nonissue of course where I live is a misdamenor and we have very low crime.Virtually every one I know smokes except my mother.Im talking business men and accountants.Please study more about the herb concerning real people not all these people who call it a drug.Its not a drug god made it.I would never even consider making such a small thing into a battle Im sure your husband is a smart man and knows what he is doing.Someday It will be legal.Its just a matter of time. Please learn all you can about it before you judge him so harshly.I mean I will kill for a good man like that and so would alot of other women too.
2007-04-09 05:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by butterflyspy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guy friend is self destructive is what he is. He doesn't have the first clue about what love is. He is looking for a FIX not a relationship. If he is "engaged" after 2-3 weeks and never having met this girl; well even then, he is very immature in that area. He needs to talk to a professional on how to break that cycle. Now for you. You need to be very careful. This is the way affairs and divorces start. Innocent people get really hurt and really messed up over this kind of thing...and don't even get me started on what it does to kids. I'm sorry hon; but if you love your husband; you will not be flirting with danger. If you think you can fix your friend; you are wrong. He needs to talk to someone who can peg why he keeps acting the same play; it is a cycle that he needs to break. My heart hurts for you. It is nice that you care. Nana
2016-05-20 23:41:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amazing. Married ten years and you still feel you have the right to bust this guy's nuts for such a non-event. I can only assume you must be staggeringly wonderful in every other way, and he an absolute wretch whom no-one else could love - if he puts up with such whipping.
So what's your deal? With such delicate sensibilities, are all of your own habits utterly adorable, or don't you have any? I assume you've been storing up intestinal gas for ten years, and it's probably making you cranky. Good thing he's around for you to unload on. Yeah - he deserves a divorce. And a fast car.
2007-04-09 05:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by Super Atheist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't understand because you are comparing his love for you to something he does for relaxation. It has nothing to do with his love for you. He was smoking before you married him, and in 10 years he hasn't stopped. It's obviously the one thing he enjoys doing, so why can't you love him enough to leave it alone? You say he's a great husband and father. Isn't that enough? Pick your battles, girlfriend.
2007-04-09 05:27:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) you have "caught" him? Do you want to be his conscience or mother?
2) What does this have to do with him loving you? If he doesn't do what you want him to, he doesn't love you? That makes you a control freak.
3) How does his behavior "hurt" you?
Sounds like your looking for something to "hurt" you. Like the person that makes a huge issue out of not putting the toilet seat down, or squeezing the toothpaste from the middle.
Dwell on all of the good things you like about him, and ignore (hopefully accept someday) the small things.
2007-04-09 05:08:45 · answer #6 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not a smoker myself....but it seems to me if the biggest problem you 2 have is he occasionally smokes, you two are very lucky, Im married to the most incredible woman in the world and we have a relationship that our friends and family envy, there are a few things about her that dont thrill me, but, in the grand scheme of things, im the luckiest guy in the world.....let it go and enjoy the good things
2007-04-09 04:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the best way to go about this is to try to discuss with him the ramifications of his actions should he get caught. Is he willing to lose his family, wife, children over this? Is he willing to go to jail or not be able to support all of you?
If he does insist on continueing to do this then try to set some ground rules. Like he doesn't do it anywhere near the house and stays gone until he's come down. Maybe the time away will give him time to decide if it's worth it at all.
This is a tough situation. Also some counseling including drug counseling wouldn't be a bad idea. Perhaps you can think of a way to talk him into it. He may not do it alot, but it seems he has a problem not doing it at all, which could be a bigger problem.
2007-04-09 04:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I don't smoke but I just don't see the problem with it when an adult does it. As long as he works and doesn't disrespect you by doing it in your presents I say forget it. It is just his way to relax.
2007-04-09 05:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"He did do this b4 we got married" So what are you fighting over. You KNEW he did this, you CHOSE to marry him anyway. Either tolerate it or leave him.
2007-04-09 20:41:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋