It's been 6 mo. since my boyfriend and I began. During this time when good - VERY good, but the bad has gone from "we'll get through this" to him being a "depressed, out of work, semi homeless, indecisive bag of emotions". I have tried to be supportive and inspiring, listened to circles of emotions without judgement and only when asked have I offered my advice or opinion. I know that this is a good man who loves me and we want a future together. I'm just feeling latley that his turmoil is all consumming and he is only happiest when around HIS friend's or family. Even when it's just the two of us - he just seems to be "TRYING HARD" & not even faking it well.
Before I can tell him this - I am asking for your advice - 1) Does it sound like the right thing to do & 2) how do I tell him without shattering him - that because of all this, I now need space? I know that I am going to be near death to do this to myself let alone him in his vulnerable state. I do not want to break up...
2007-04-09 04:43:19 · 6 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
..I do not want to end things & I worry he will see it this way. I want to be able to be with him once all the turmoil settles. I worry that it if I give our relationship "space" it will be misundertood as I am unwilling to ride the wave when there is difficulty - but that's not it at all - just he puts on such a good front for everyone else - but I know what's really going on inside his head and doesn't he love me enough to fake it a bit so that we can be happy or why won't he just try and keep his word when he says he's going to change - why, why, why - I just want to cry as my heart is truley breaking already!
2007-04-09 04:47:33 · update #1
You have made it very clear that you have had enough and want some "space". Your not in a marriage, you haven't made a "better or worse" commitment. Move on before you get "pulled under" by his negativity and self destructive behavior. The way you have described him there is no way you can tell him without him becoming "shattered"....he is looking at the negative of everything right now. You are all ready being effected negatively by him. You are not going to be "near death" by telling him your true feelings.
.
2007-04-09 05:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him and tell him that you are now getting very depressed and need to regroup. Let him know you love him but right now you well not be much good for him. Encourage him to seek professional help and when you both are felling better you would like to resume the relationship. The condition he is in right now, no matter what you say he will probably take it bad but for your sake you have to follow through. GOOD LUCK......
2007-04-09 12:26:39 · answer #2 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that it's certainly not good for the both of you to be depressed. If he starts acting threateningly (suicide, self-mutliation etc) just back away and tell him that he is responsible for what he does to himself, not you.
If he doesnt like it, he can always choose to get help. Depression does not have to be endured anymore. If he refuses to get help, then he's just using his state to manipulate you.
2007-04-09 11:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want him to "fake it", being happy with you? He either IS happy, being with you, or he's not! I want the "real thing", and if you don't have it with him, then do both of you a favor and end it. Then you will be free to find the real thing, and he can find somebody he can be happy with, without having to"fake it". I don't want "artificial" anything...... nothing but REAL works for me!
2007-04-09 12:30:31 · answer #4 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
and you have it in your head that this will work if HE tried harder...did you ever think he doesnt want to....look at him, re read what you wrote. from a third party view, you allow him to be what he is...hes using you and getting away with it all...you want to fix it...he doesnt...i dont see what you see in him in the first place if he has to pretend to want to be happy with you...
2007-04-09 12:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST TELL HIM AND MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AND IF HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THEN YOU HAVE TO LEAVE IT ALONE FOR A WHILE BEFOR YOU BECOME NO BETTER THAN HIM WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO YAHOO IS YOU NEED TO PRESERVE YOUR SANITY AND GO AHEAD AND DO SO
2007-04-09 12:34:15 · answer #6 · answered by mocha27girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋