I just turned 19 and about to enter college. I also already have a part time job near my university. Me and my boyfriend of 6 years are talking about marriage he is the same age and we are going to the same university. i dont know if its to early. HELP! I love him and he loves me but people think we are to young and should wait till im done with college. but on the other hand we are both christians so we havent had sex before and were waiting till we get married so its not like were trying to get married so early because im pregnant
2007-04-09 03:43:38 · 60 answers · asked by jcmikayla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to do what is right for you both. If you have any doubts, DON'T get married. If you feel it is right, then go for it.
2007-04-09 03:46:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 4⤋
You're both 19 and have been dating for 6 years. That would mean you were 13 when you started dating. Neither of you has had experience with anyone else to be sure there isn't anyone else better for you out there. Since you're both just starting college, why not wait until your done before you get married.
You may be perfect for each other and you may spend the rest of your lives together. Or you may find that there are other people out there who you could each be happier with. Let college be your experimental waiting period. You will experience a lot things you haven't had the opportunity to experience yet. Maybe get engaged and set the wedding date for after you graduate.
It sounds like the reason you want to get married is so you can have sex. Marriage brings a lot more responsibilty with it. It's not just about having sex. You have a part time job. Does it pay enough to cover rent? I'm guessing that while in college you'll be living in a dorm or with your parents. If you're married, where will you live? If you're married and having sex what if you get pregnant? More responsibility.
Young people look at marriage and think it's all fun and games. There are a lot of adjustments that need to be made and there are a lot of stress factors that are introduced into the relationship. Take a look at the divorce rate and you'll see that marriage shouldn't be entered into lightly. And certainly not just so you can have sex. College is also a very stressful time. Put marriage and college together and chances of survival aren't that great. You would be wise to wait. If this is true love and you belong together it will stand the test of time. You'll be much happier if you wait a few years.
2007-04-09 03:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People said the exact same thing when me and my wife got married. I was 22, and she was 21, and we had been dating for 6 years. We started dating in High school, dated all through college, and got married about 6 months after she had graduated. So far, marriage, 1 year later, has been great. You need to be willing to work at the hard times, but it's great.
The age, itself, really isn't the issue. After all, it's only a very recent phenomenom that people get married later (around 27 or 28). However, I am glad that we waited until we got out of college. College, depending on the major, and then searching for jobs all around the country is stressing enough without a marriage. Placing that amount of pressure on a marriage at that point isn't needed and would not be pleasant.
So basically, don't concern yourself with the age, but I would strongly reccomend you get out of college before the big day. Also, even though you are christian (like my wife and I), fully expect your family to jump to the conclusion you're getting married because you got pregnant, due tot he fact that you're young. When we announced the engagement, her family didn't really warm up to the idea until 9 months had passed. It's not fair, but that's what happens.
Good luck!
2007-04-09 03:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this, people change quite a bit in college - they grow and they mature with the situation. I don't know if both of you will change or realize that the love you have is not the love that leads to a happy marriage. You may be soul mates. Who knows? But from a realistic standpoint, I would wait till you graduate. The one compelling reason is - money. Although you are working part time, you will not have enough money to have kids. You will not have time to raise kids either. You do not have the money to afford the wedding. A typical wedding around NJ / NY (where I live) runs about 30 thousand dollars. That is not a really extravagent wedding. Nor is it a really large wedding. Just a typical small wedding in a nice church with a small reception, cake, music, photographers, family and friends.
Will you want to marry without the hoopla and celebration because of cost? After you marry, will you use contraceptives to prevent a kid from coming because of the prohibitive cost of having a kid? If you have a kid, who will take care of it and who will stop going to school? Think carefully before you decide to marry. I know you love him, but love is not always enough to provide happiness.
2007-04-09 03:54:17 · answer #4 · answered by TMemories 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with those people who reccomend waiting. You are both so young. I don't doubt that you honestly love each other, but how many things did you love a couple of years ago that you can't stand now? I commend you for not having sex outside of marriage; however, I wouldn't use wanting to have sex as the reason to get married. If I were you, I'd finish school and get a steady job. If you love each other enough to get married, you relationship will survive the wait.
2007-04-09 03:49:52 · answer #5 · answered by tomvieira 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first marriage was at 21 and that was too young. Even though you've been together for a long time, you both have lots of maturing to do yet. As you mature you might find that you don't love each other as much...OR...you may grow even closer together, that would be really nice! I seriously would wait, wait until you're out of college and into a career, wait until you feel that you've got your finances in order, just wait, you've got lots of time to get married and commit yourselves to each other.
In the meantime, are you living together or is that against your Christian values also? If you could live together, that would really tell you if you'll be alright married, you find things out about a person that you live with that you can never know until you're under the same roof.
My personal opinion, which is what you've asked for, is...it's the 21st century, have sex! Seriously what are you waiting for?
2007-04-09 03:55:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you've been together this long, wait until you've both graduated. I understand you love each other, but school is tough as it is. Add planning a marriage, honeymoon (if you even get to have one) and a life together. If you add a baby in there, do you really think you're going to finish school? Probably not. Go to school, get your degree, get a wonderful career going and THEN get married. I know it may seem like a long time, but you have the rest of your lives to be married and have children. Go to college and get your life figured out together with him and go from there.
2007-04-09 03:51:32 · answer #7 · answered by Angela G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations for being with him so long! It's understandable why you are considering marriage. In my opinion, you are only ready when you have no doubts about it.
I think you should wait untill your education is out of the way and you are settled with a permanent job. I don't think it's too young to be engaged though. When I'm 21 I want to get enganged and wait until I'm in the right career before I get married.
2007-04-09 03:50:37 · answer #8 · answered by m8g8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok you need to look at the entire picture! If your going to college don't get into a legally binding contract until you get out of college. That is my opinion. Also, look at how mature you to are and see if your maturity shows you are ready for marriage. At, your age you technically could get married and be very successful but its more than just age. It's like I said maturity and what your doing in your life at the time. Wait till after college, but you guys seem to love each other so good luck for the future!
2007-04-09 03:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by sg300c 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I waited 4 years before i had sex with my first boyfriend. i was 16 and not ready. we thought there was more to us than sex. when i turned 20 we had sex for the first time, and i was horribly disappointed!!! after 2 more years i was disgusted by him, so maybe not turn the heat on full blast at first but i would not have waited. we have not spoken in 4 years. i think after college, college is stressful, and marriage can always wait.
2007-04-09 03:51:20 · answer #10 · answered by redgirl5925 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married at a young age is a very hard task to fufill. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and communication. A lot of people go through a lot of changes in college and when they turn 21. My advice to you is if you love each other there is no need to rush into marriage. Focus on your education and future and continue to grow with each other. You will know when the time is right but if you are having doughts that you are too young now then your gut instinct is trying to tell you some thing and more of the time it is right. There is no need to rush into any thing that you are not ready for.
2007-04-09 03:48:24 · answer #11 · answered by butterfly_2blue 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋