we have been "separated" for 2 weeks and I was fed up and decided to just file after a really bad weekend. We got in a huge fight on suday.."Easter Sunday" and I didn't even go to church b/c I was afraid I would see him there or his family or anyone. Then he calls and leaves a message that his grandmother passed away while we were fighting. I feel aweful and should I wait to file the papers and how long and I feel like I should go to the funeral or viewing at least I just don't know where I will stand with his family. He is the one who ruined the relation by being abusive but I love his family. I'm just confused please help.
2007-04-09 03:35:19 · 20 answers · asked by Lovely Lady 27 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact that you are even asking this question shows us that you still care. Maybe not for being in a relationship with him... but you care.
Do YOURSELF the favor and go to a viewing during calling hours, sign the book, and pay your respects to his grandmother (if you were close).
You are already seperated, so that is fine. He will contact you after the funeral at some point. If he does, then you can take that as a clue that he is over his grandmother's death. Then file. If he doesn't contact you within a month, you have waited long enough. Start processing the paperwork.
My ex went to my dad's viewing when he died. I saw her name in the book and was very impressed. It let me know that all of those years spent together meant something.
I wish you the best.
David
2007-04-09 03:56:08 · answer #1 · answered by David J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about you & your ex's grandmother... but don't confuse your relationship with the death of his Grandmother. It's perfectly normal to have grief and sorrow feelings along with the ill feelings of arguing between the two of u.
If u are concern with the relationship of his side of the family, maybe it's time to find a new church to attend til things settle down. Right now I'd say your confused & conflicted by all that has happen between the both of you. Attend the viewing, sign the guest book, and attend the funeral if it provides u with comfort. If it's too much, send a special condolence card to the family or send an appropriate gift of support.
Are u sure your really wanting to divorce? If u are then go foward but if u have doubt then don't. Give yourself the opportunity to sort your feelings. Remember u can't change people.You mention abuse, then their should be no doubt? If the two of you cannot form a team to build a life together then don't continue to argue. Life is too short. Either way the death of a relative should not have any bearing on your marriage. U have your plan, now follow through. Don't argue but work on rebuilding your self esteem. Find new interest to put to good use the pain & sorrow u feel. Maybe u will express things in writing or art. Focus away from the negative. Enjoy your life. Good luck and trust your gut instincts...
2007-04-09 05:00:56 · answer #2 · answered by Staci 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy then sit him down and till him that you know it is a hard time with his grandmother dying but you dont think it is working out and you would like a divorce. then tell him that this is not a situation where u are fighting a bickering even more after the divorce and that you want to still talk and keep in touch. just make it easy and if you share a house talk about who gets what before you file for divorce
2007-04-09 03:50:35 · answer #3 · answered by jcmikayla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should attend the funeral, because you are still his wife. It would be appropriate to give him some time to mourn his grandmother, but in a couple of months, go ahead and file for divorce. No person should have to stay in an abusive relationship. You're already separated, so there's no harm is allowing him some time to grieve. Good luck!
2007-04-09 03:42:30 · answer #4 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SO why should you not file for the divorce anyway, will teh death of his grandmother change anythig, will he change? Well for one you have a right to go to the funeral and wake if you want to. ANd remember it doesn't matter what people think as long your doing the right thing and remember that even if you and him were argueing it's not your fault she dies and if he says it is. He's an idiot. Also just remember it wasn't you that broke the family up it was him. But go to the wake and funeral and if someone says something about you been there just ignore them.
2007-04-09 03:43:36 · answer #5 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Out of respect for his family and his deceased grandmother go to the funeral. As far as the divorce go through with the filing. If you wait it out it is not going to be any easier. You need to do what is right for you and since you say he is abusive he is not going to take it any differently if you do it now or if you wait a month or so down the road.
2007-04-09 03:44:03 · answer #6 · answered by greeneyedredhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only possible way to avoid divorce is if there is a change of heart on both partners. If he changes and repent of his abusive ways the relationship will change and you guys may have a chance.
Sorry to hear about anyone losing a loved one, it's a tough experience to endure. It fragments life and changes things forever, that being said so does divorce.
The question you need to be honest about it, Do I really love him? No one will stay a lifetime with someone out of pity. Right now you have pity on him for his loss, that is not what is going to hold a marraige together. God Bless and I hope it works out for you both.
2007-04-09 03:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by ~MB~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to contact an attorney. There are too many things that come into play in the situation you described. What state are you in? What state did the grandmother falsify the documents in? Depending on statutes of limitations, it may be too late. Criminal charges may need to be filed but you'll need to have some sort of evidence. Most attorneys will give you a free consultation.
2016-03-17 22:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are wanting a divorce because he was being abusive you definately do not want to stay with him because of a death in the family. Things will not get better if he has not changed yet. You should for sure stick with it and get out of a bad relationship as fast as you can. If you love his family than diffinately go to the funeral to support his family, but you do not need to go there for him. It might be a little awkward but it will show that you are a caring person for being there for the family. wish you the best and good luck
2007-04-09 03:45:14 · answer #9 · answered by butterfly_2blue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life happens as it does. My suggestion...wait till after the funeral services...maybe wait two weeks...then get back to the divorce process.
A loved person has died...respect the time to acknowledge that. Also respect the value of your own heart and your choice to end a sad, empty environment.
When I divorced my former husband four years ago...I had the conversation of that with him in first week of November. I purposefully expressed it then (in early November) to keep the conversations away from the upcoming holidays. He agreed with me to wait till after the holidays...wait till after the New Year before informing our kids and proceed with the divorce. I could have waited till after the New Year to tell my ex...Yet, due to the household environment...just could'nt.
Point is...When certain events such as death, certain holidays or special events happen...life can be put on hold for such things as divorce proceedings for the purpose of allowing others, that the divorce will effect, to not have the holiday association memories or (in your case) grieving time...By waiting your showing compassion for others who the divorce will also effect.
But, be careful that your soon to be ex might try to keep drawing out the time to begin the divorce proceedings. Keep a keen heart and mind out when time is really fine to proceed...then go ahead and proceed.
My heart and strong wishes are with you. Divorce...while it is really the right thing to do when a marriage had ' died '...It's still a heart hurting experience to go through.
I wish you well.
.
2007-04-09 03:54:12 · answer #10 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋