Wife help please?

Question

Hello i love my wife so much it hurts. I think im not a real good husband. Before writing this i decided to think of the problems i have, so i dont just blame her and be one sided. My problems are i smoke, I dont talk enough to her, im always running a couple of minutes late and i havnt fixed the kitchen cubourd yet. The reason i dont talk enough is i work a 60 hour week and then after work to pay for the lifestyle she wants. I just feel tired and everyday is the same at work. I always tell her i love her she never does. She tells me things all the time such as your kids hate u, i hate u, dont tell me what to do i dont want another dad, im a pig, u dont help me, u dont make enough money and so on all the time. We go some where she leaves me and goes with her friends. I just want a wife that tells me she loves me, and shows me love. I dont go out at all or see my friends anymore i try to spend time with her. She goes out with her friends alot and worys what they think but not what i do

Answer 1

It sounds like your wants/needs aren't being met.

Her wants/needs aren't being met.

She's not being too rational as far as trying to fix the problems.

Offer an ultimatum: We go get counseling together and try to work this out or this relationship needs to end.

If you two continue to, after counseling (or if she refuses) you two need to come to terms that this relationship is only hurting everyone involved.

Expect to pay through the nose if you are salaried. If you are hourly and can do so, you need to back off the number of hours you work to a rational level or they will calculate those hours in when calculating child support...

Answer 2

IT is good to hear that you love your wife. At least you are looking at your negative points as well. Commuication is the key to a happy marriage. At least that is my opinion. Try to see if you can get your wife to talk to you withont saying things like "your kids hate u, i hate u, dont tell me what to do i dont want another dad, im a pig, u dont help me, u dont make enough money". See if she will go to counseling with you.
I don't know what kind of lifestyle you have but if you can cut back on work hours to spend time with your family that may help. Good luck.

Answer 3

All true. On the other hand, working 60 hours a week is too much (whether you have a choice in it or not) but maybe your wife feels lonely for you? You just said it yourself that you never speak to her and are tired all the time. Maybe she is tired of waiting around for you to come home and spend time with her and the kids. She probably doesn't really mean it when she says she hates you, but it's obvious you have hurt her badly.

Answer 4

Kick her out. Don't leave, kick her out.

That would be the best approach.

Second best? Why the hell would she find you attractive and interesting, you've turned yourself into a spineless doormat with no friends and no life. All you do is run hard on a treadmill for her. Do you think that makes her horny? Do you think that makes her admire you and look up to you as a strong man who can take care of her? Is it working well?

Stop telling her you love her. Stop putting up with crap from her. If she treats you badly, tell her you find it unacceptable. Go out with your friends, develop hobbies, stop wasting money and don't be afraid to tell her 'we can't afford that'. If she's unhappy with your salary suggest she take up stripping or something like that in the evenings to raise more money. Start going to the gym. Start working on your own self esteem.

If she treatens divorce, tell her she's free to leave, but you're not leaving the house and you're keeping your kids. You can replace her in a month if you need to.

You know what though? 80% chance she doesn't leave. If you stick with these changes, she might actually start respecting you, telling you she cares, and having sex with you.

Stop trying to do whatever she says she wants in that instant, because it is NOT MAKING HER HAPPY. Be a good strong man. Stop listening to her. You think you're not a good husband? Then be a good husband - but listen to your own thoughts on that, not hers.

You have turned yourself into a boring slave. Your wife wants a man. You're unhappy. She's unhappy. Grow the hell up and your life could get much, much better.

Answer 5

If the children are saying this to you it's because of her actions and mannerisms towards you. I think you need to grab the bull by the horns and tell your children (if they are old enough to work) that it's time that they get a j-o-b..that way it takes the pressure off of you..(they say you don't make enough money, then they can make their own money). I would tell your wife that you don't appreciate her immature verbal abuse, and the way that she's turned the children against you. Tell her that it stops today, and that maybe she needs to get a job if your income isn't enough for her.

As far as your feelings, you might want to be more assertive and lay down the law.

Answer 6

Hi, seems to me like you and your wife are mismatched. How long have you been married? Was she always abrasive towards you even before you were married. Perhaps she is dissatisfied with herself and takes it out on you. Why not try a marriage counselor? If she is not interested in this then perhaps you should really move on although it would not be easy but staying in a relationship where someone is constantly negative towards you is not good either. Good Luck

Answer 7

She's got complete control over you. I can't understand how you could love someone who gives you nothing in return. Take your kids and file for a divorce. There are a lot of good woman out there who would truly appreciate a man that works hard for his family and thinks of them as a priority.

Answer 8

I am sorry for everything you are going thru. It sounds to me that she is taking you for granted and the way she is acting that she has no desire for the marriage to work out. For the marriage to work both parties have to agree to work it out, and it sounds like she doesn't. So I would move on and try to find someone that will make you happy. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

You just want a wife that.....

Better go find a different one because she ain't it.

By the way she is probably sleeping around on you too, just figured someone should clue you up.

48 year old guy been there done that

Answer 10

Its nice to hear a husband who says he loves his wife, but do you tell her that you love her, verbally? Do you show her that you love her by doing things for her? If yes and she still responds this way I think you need to look at your entire situation again.

Usually when a woman turns on her man its either through influence from her friends who have a low opinion about men in general, or she has lost respect for you. My suggestion is that you sit her down quietly one night and suggest you both seek the help of a marriage counsellor regarding your situation. I also suggest you buy the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs who states clearly that when a woman does not respect her husband he withdraws and does not tell her he loves her and in the same vain if a woman does not feel loved (and a woman needs to feel loved) she gets into a crazy cycle, she is disrespectful, manipulative, controlling, bad-mouthing and excessively critical. The Bible lays it out clearly in Ephesians5:33 that men are to love their wives as they love themselves and women are to SEE TO IT that they respect their husbands. They dont need to love them because they do already, but they need to respect them. I think most men desire respect from friends, society in general and from their families.

If neither of the above work, I suggest that you move out and separate from her. THe bible says there is nothing worse than a contentious woman...it is better to live in the desert than with a contentious woman! Makes sense doesnt it. You need confidence and need to put your foot down and make it clear that if this goes on, you are leaving and she can have her life for herself since it seems thats what she wants!. However since thats rather drastic for now, I suggest you have a good talk with her first. Keep calm and refuse to take her disrespect. She has a problem, but it is as a result of something and maybe you are not telling enough. If you want to gain her confidence, my suggestion is to take her out on her own for supper one night and then you gently suggest that you both see a counsellor. Buy her a bunch of roses. BE good to her and if in the past there was something you might have done to loose her respect, apologise for it and tell her how you feel. DOnt allow yourself to get angry even if she does. IF she refuses to seek counselling and continues, then plan B find a place to stay and leave and tell her you want a separation from her. Take a few months to give her time to cool down and then call her and ask her if she wishes to continue with her marriage. IF she has had time to think, she will certainly come down to earth. Tell her you are willing to give her a second chance. Regarding your children there is nothing like a good spanking to gain respect from them when they are rude to you. THey are obviously learning from mother!

I really hope this gets better. IF you pray and get closer to God, he can perform any miracle. This is my suggestion. Go before your heavenly Father and pour out your heart to him and then begin praying positve things over your lives and even for your wife.

God richly bless you.