if wife cheats?

Question

do you try to work it out,leave,get even and get on with life with her,can you just throw away 10 years over 1 mistake,do you kick the guys butt

Answer 1

She broke a vow to you, the guy didn't.

Deciding if you can live with this or not is solely something you must do, no one can do it for you.

Revenge isn't an option - it will come back to haunt you.

If you decide to stay together, I do recommend couples counseling. This is a major abuse of your trust and it needs to be addressed.

Cheating happens for a lot of reasons, but mostly, a person falls for someone and has only three socially acceptable options - not act on it, which is horribly difficult; Leave their original love, which is extremely difficult; or cheat.

Most people may be socially monogamous, but are biologically polyamorous. With 60% of men cheating and 40% of women, it's not a simple act of getting a thrill - there is a strong biological component involved beyond simple sex.

I've been aware I wasn't monogamous for a long time. I made it clear to my wife-to-be, and also made it clear I didn't require her to be faithful either. We are open and honest about any relationship we enter. I let my wife have veto power of any prospective relationship I may enter. While most are intimate, it's the long term romantic aspects that are most important, to me.

While this isn't for everyone, given polyamory is difficult and requires a lot of communication, it has worked for us. It has also worked for a large number of people we know. The polyamorous segment of the population may be underground, but we exist and thrive.

We've been together for 31 years, and going strong.

Answer 2

What do you want to do? Simply, the ball is in your court. You have every right and reason to divorce her, and move on. But the way you said...can you just throw away 10 years over 1 mistake, gives me the idea that you want things to work out. If you are willing to forgive and forget, you and your wife can have many many more years together. But it's not going to be easy for awhile. You are going to have to do things a little differently and your wife has got to do some proving that she won't ever do this again.

Go to counseling together. You have some major issues to deal with, so this won't happen again. Before moving forward, you got to figure out what went wrong, and fix that!
Marriages don't have to end after an affair, it can be stronger and happier, but it's work. Are you both willing to work?

As far as kicking the guys butt, what good is that going to do you. It might make you feel better for a few minutes, but in the end you will realize that you gave that guy the satisfication that you are jealous and worried about his hold on your wife. Now, if this guy makes a habit of going after married women, and knew that your wife was married, someone needs to do something, but he will get it one day.

I wish you well, and lots of luck. I am sorry that anyone has to go through this kind of pain. Remember you aren't alone, and that things aren't just going to get better over night, it's going to take awhile. You got some really bad days ahead of you, but if you love her and can forget-then do. If she's not willing to help you get over this, and earn your trust and love back, then it's time to go. She's got to do her part as well. Don't let her make you feel like the bad guy! Please please remember that you are a victim in this, and that maybe you didn't do everything you should have done, but she should have came to you and said "honey, I need this or I want that" there is no good excuse for cheating.

Lots of work, but I am proud you are seeking answers without just throwing it all away! Good luck!

God bless us all.................

Answer 3

First of all, you don't kick the guys butt. He does not have any commitment to you (or the relationship) SHE does. Plus, he may not have known she was married (we do lie at times too).

Second of all, YOU are the only one that decide what to do. If you love her enough, then try and work it out (regardless of invested time). But IF you do decide to work things out, you can't continue to bring it up, throw it in her face, etc. either work it out or keep it moving.

Answer 4

This question depends on how much you love each other, if you are able to get over the fact she cheated and if the marriage is worth saving. If you feel the marriage is worth saving the first step is to talk to each otherhonestly, ask her why she cheated, tell her how her cheating has affected her trust in her and get counceling to work on the issues in your marriage. You can't just forget she cheated and go about your marriage. There are issues that need to be resloved to make this marriage work and counceling is the best step toward that.

Answer 5

Not if you love her. You try to work on it but thats a huge burden to get over,if your strong enough you can,however there will always be that in your mind. The guy might not know she is married, AND NO DONT TRY AND GET EVEN,ONLY MAKES YOU AS LOW AS YOUR WIFE HAS WENT,AND IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER.

Answer 6

Your wife broke your vows, the guy is irrelevant. Your decision has to be based on whether you have children together. This isn't about the two of you as much as it is about them. Something your wife obviously forgot. Get a counselor.

Answer 7

I've seen you ask this question about a dozen times now. If you haven't yet figured out how to handle the pain and hurt, then leave. Just don't be childish and get even. Leave, and PLEASE stop asking this question over and over again. Deal with it, that's all I can tell you.

Answer 8

Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.

Why beat a different guy every week? It is time to move on...