How do I tell my best friend to not bring her kids when they come over?

Question

We own some very expensive antique items, very high tech equipment and lots of fragile vases and glass tables and I'm always close to having a heart attack worrying that they'll break something when her kids are over.Her kids are 3 and 6.How can I tell her not to bring them without hurting her feelings?

Answer 1

she will be offended.
I would be.
thsoe are her kids. I'm sure she would take that to heart.
And not say" Oh, I understand"
you call her your best friend and don't want her kids at your house.
I think thats funny. Her kids are a part of her.
Just like single mothers tell men they meet.
Its package deal... if you dont like my kids, then you like me.

Answer 2

If you want to stay friends, you can't. What you can do is before they come over, move the most fragile, most exspensive items to a safe room. Keep bedroom doors closed. Be sure there aren't any wires to pull things off shelves with. Basically, baby proof. And then, before the kids come over again, have a talk with their Mom. Explain that you have done your best to make your home safe for her little ones, but that since you don't have kids (and that is an assumption I am making..stop me if I'm wrong) you can only "baby proof" so much and that there are still things that you are worried about the kids getting hurt on or accidently damaging. Suggest she bring plenty of toys along for the kids, a few of thier favorite DVD's and tell her what the rules of the house are...shoes off, doors that are closed stay closed and the room is off limits, no turning on anything without asking an adult, no running in the house. Make sure you let her know you are doing this because you are concerned for the kids, not the stuff (even though it is understandably part of your concerns) and all should go well. Be sure to explain the rules very simply when the kids come over and let them know that if they break rules, they will have to sit down in a quiet place for a little while. If, even after all this, the kids come over and cause damage, address it to the mother. And if you have things that are that exspensive, be sure your homeowner's or renters will cover any accidental damage...no matter who may cause it.

Answer 3

You cannot tell someone that without causing permanent damage to your relationship. I am assuming that you do not have children or you would not have these items in the reach of children in the first place. What you need to do is to reorganise your house to cater for these small visitors and you may think that extreme, but if you are concerned about these items not only small children can have an accident and break expensive items adults can as well. I had a friend who when she rang to say she was coming over the announcement went out through the house 'batten down the hatches as the Smiths are coming over'. My daughter locked her bedroom door as the young girl of the family would pull the heads off of her barbie dolls. We would hide the duplo as they would tip it all over the floor and walk away and leave it there. Anything at all important was put on high shelves and or hidden. It would still take us an hour to clean up after they left as they got some sort of joy out of tipping a box of toys up and not bothering to play with them but just walk away.
Buy a cabinet to put antique items in with child proof locks or keyed locks get some padded covers to put over glass tops and lock the high tech equipment away in the study or behind a cupboard door. It may cost you a bit to do this but at least your precious items will be safe and so will your friendship and kids do eventually grow up and they then really dont want to come visiting with mum as they have better things to do.

Answer 4

I dont know other then telling her your worried they might get hurt because of all the things you have in your home.. its not exactly child proof. When you talk to her about it maybe she will start at least keeping a closer eye on them so they dont go near anything, or try depending on how your place is set up getting a gate, or something, and keep them in a room where there isnt so much things they can break like maybe a kitchen, and sit in the same room as them so they dont really get into anything.. also have her bring a couple small toys that can keep them occupied playing on the floor or something.. they both are at an age where they are into games if one of them may have a gameboy, or something try having her bring that.. anything that can keep them occupied will keep them from breaking things, and running around like crazy.. try to even turn on some cartoons that really catch thier interest.. it helps.. I know its hard but if you show her that your concern is more for thier safety rather then your worry of them breaking expensive things she will be able to work with you to either leave them home, or with someone, or bring things that keep them away from your things.

Answer 5

I agree with Dave J!! How long have you been BEST friends?Has something ever happened? Are her kids not well behaved?
I'd "child proof" one room and say that "We need to stay in this room and visit, the others have too many irreplacable antiques. I don't want you to have to worry about being responsible for them if they got broken. To be honest, I'm a Nervous Nelly about my antiques and it would calm my nerves if we could avoid that from happening in the first place." Also get and tell her & them you have some coloring books (and other quiet activities) on hand they could do while visiting. Keep these things at your house so it would make them still feel welcome and special without hurting feelings.
Other options are to not have them over your house at all. Go to hers or meet at a kid friendly place.
I hope this helps and Good Luck!! ;o)

Answer 6

Is the issue the kids breaking things specifically or is that one of many issues. Such as the kids in general and how they affect your time together? I think if its literally just the breakage factor, then bring it up as that issue of the safety of your belongings and her children. Suggest maybe meeting at their house or somewhere else that the kids could be themselves at (Park, restaurant, play rooms, mall). All parents know their children are bulls in a china shop so, that won't really offend if handled the right way (take into consideration to your friend these outings are hard work but something she looks forward to). If it's more than that you'll need to have a much more delicate conversation about your friendship. Good luck!

Answer 7

It would be better if you protected your stuff rather than prevent them from coming home. There is no way you can tell her not to bring them without hurting her. Maybe you can all stay and talk in a room which is kid proof when they are over. Gently engage the kids in activities when they are over. Keep some small games and toys for them in a room which is free from all the expensive stuff.
Frankly I would rather stay in a house which is warm and welcoming even if it is staid rather than cold and beautiful. No point in having good stuff if u do not have friends.

Answer 8

You can't. Not without insulting her. Now my question is do they give you a reason as in they are running around, running into items etc or are they good kids and you are just paranoid? If they are good and you tell her not to bring her kids then she will likely get peeved. If you have reason as in accidents with your items due to her kids you can (but it will still probably tick her off) say due to past issues you hope that she can get a sitter.

Otherwise go to her house where it doesn't matter.

Answer 9

Obviously you have no children of your own. If you wish to keep this persons friendship then send the kids outdoors or dont invite this couple to your home.
Another suggestion is lots of coloring books and crayons at your dining table for them or a spot where they can play videos or watch TV.

Answer 10

Get down to the kid's eye levels. (kneel) tell them there are new rules in your hous: No running inside, you may run outside if you like. No throwing things, touching things. Explain your things are as important as their toys and you don't want them broken.

You will be paying positive attention to the kids, and your friend should appreciate that. It could also encourage her to discuss the importance of respecting another person's belongings.

There is no excuse for ill mannered children especially when they are visiting someone's home.

Answer 11

Think laterally. Don't invite them over, you should visit them or find a neutral place to catch up. It doesn't matter how careful you are in asking her not to bring the kids, she will almost certainly take it the wrong way.