My best friend died at the weekend, what can I do?

Question

We were friends since age 5 and grew up together, he is in alomst every photograph I have. We were very close.

Now I am not going to say that he was perfect, or that our relationship was faultless, just because he has died, but he was a great friend and will be sadly missed (he was killed in a car crash on Friday).

We were saving up to do a road trip of the USA in the summer, and I now have £1000 that I want to give away. I would like to give it to a charity as a memorial to my friend that serves a practical purpose.

The only thing he ever voiced an opinion on (re: charity) was that he hated to see cats homeless or mistreated (he himself kept over a dozen strays at his farm); this is because he had fond memories of his mother giving him a kitten when he was very small.

Would it be fitting to give my money to the Cat Protection League (UK) do you think, or a charity that I relate to myself?

Thank you.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear of your bereavement.
As far as a charity is concerned, you might do better to donate to one which helps young people, rather than animals.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear of your loss and send you a big warm smile of compassion and empathy. He is in your spirit and soul for life so he will be around. Just keep tuned for him.

As for the money, what is being done with the cats he had at his farm? Perhaps some of the money could go towards locating them decently? Perhaps his family have a special fund they would like any gifts donated to in his memory?

I think you have to consider a charity that he would like, otherwise you are pleasing yourself first and this is a gift to him. Any animal or cat shelter that is tax deductible and that you have decided is worthy might be an idea.

Positive action will make you feel better. Even if you and he had had differences, you were close in soul. I feel this from you, as well as read behind your words. You might hear him speaking to you or something inexplicable might happen, some small thing. Just keep open. Often these ones hang around for a little while after passing, to keep tabs on the ones they left behind, to try to reassure them a bit.

When the passion of loss has subsided and you are rested, just take some quiet time and be open to him. No television, turn off your phones etc... and just be silent and be open. Sometimes this helps.

You have a good heart and a strong soul. You will do fine.

Answer 3

So sorry to hear about your best friend. It is sad to lose someone we love and know so well but you can rejoice in the fact that you two had many great years together (since age of 5) and it's these happy memories that we should keep in our hearts. As for the charity thing, you need to think about which organisation you would want to give the money to and whether the money would be well-used. Personally, I would recommend that you use the money to help sponsor an underprivileged child's education through the World Vision Organisation in your friend's name. When this child grows up, he would always know that his future was the result of your friend's and your support.

Answer 4

Firstly I am sorry to hear of your friends tragic death.Do not make any quick decision regarding this money, you really are not mentally well enough to do so at this time--- it is not coming to any harm where it is for the time being.
When you are less in a state of shock try to think like this. You meet your friend again at the end of your own life and he asks you what you did in the time you were apart.What do you think he would like to hear.? That you had given your hard earned money to the cats league and stayed home thinking about him.Maybe he would prefer to hear that you had fullfilled this dream and travelled the world as he would have wanted to.Perhaps giving a loving home to a cat yourself would be a loving memorial to him.He will understand you are sad now, but I am sure he would want you to live your own life to the full.I do so hope my reply has not upset you even more, but I really do think that doing something positive with your own life ,in his memory ,is the answer.

Answer 5

Give yourself a bit of time to grieve. It will be easier to make the best decision in a few weeks.

£1000 is a lot. Some should go to the CPL for sure. There are likely other things that mattered to him as well, even if he didn't have anything to do with related charities. Or perhaps a group that is life-affirming in some way that touches you. That could be anything from Heifer International to a local social club for people with learning disabilities.

It will surely seem impossible now, but next year you might even decide to make that road trip in his memory.

You're looking for control, one thing that's simple and practical that you can do. Allow yourself the space and time to grieve and mourn. This is a tremendous loss in your life. You'll know what to do in time.

With deepest sympathy.

Answer 6

What an awful thing to have happened. You must be so upset. This will take time to get over and you you will miss your friend for ages.

At the moment you are emotional and it is best not to do anything yet. Wait until the funeral has happened then reassess the situation with your money. Approach his parents and get their opinion. It could be that they really need the money or even that they can help you with a donation.

Whatever happens, make sure you talk to your family if you need to. Yes, the cats would be very grateful for your money. I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 7

Firstly, I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I lost a brother to a road incident last Easter.

Did he have a family? Any kids etc?

If so, I think they should have it to pay towards funeral etc. If not, give it to his mother to buy a memorial for him. We have a bench with my brothers name on it, at the cemetry - it is very comforting.

I am sorry to all the cat lovers, but his family will not realise the expense over the next few weeks.

Give the money to whoever is dealing with the arrangements - it will make all the difference to giving him a good send off.

Maybe you can ask for donations instead of flowers at the funeral, and give that to the cats?

Good luck, you sound like a great mate xxxx

Answer 8

I think that you should give the money away to a charity whose ideas and work he supported, if not actively. From that, I think the Cats Protection League, RSPCA, or PDSA would be a lovely idea. Perhaps you could ask them to put up a little plaque in memorial of your friend at a local shelter?

Answer 9

My sincere condolences, I lost two friends when they (and I ) were 15, it's a wrench.You are very gracious with your money, and yes, the cat's charity would be a good idea, you could even sponsor an animal (they do in zoos) in his memory.This is what he would have wanted, People /children's charities are already well catered for. As your friend knew, the animals are too often overlooked.
God be with you in this trying time,He will take good care of your friend .

Answer 10

I am so sorry about your loss. Giving to a charity in honor of a friend is a beautiful thing. However, sometimes we forget that the funeral expenses for a family can be devasting as well. Offer some of what you have to help cover expenses if you are close to his family. It will be a blessing either way you choose. I pray your hurt will heal soon.

Answer 11

Jo J knowing something didn't quite add up, I refered to your profile and it's been deleted,
and looks like sort of restated.
Except you are now down 10 points because the last 2 questions you wrote,
Your balance now 91???
And the 2 and only entries you have made in the last 5 days are
questions you have asked
About Yor Father dying ..and...
Now your Friends just died???
What's goin on mate?
Use the money for healthcare, if there is any?
Regards
x