My wife is unrelenting that our marriage is over and that she has "moved on". At easter church service the priest asked us to pray for someone we hate. I prayed for my wife. Suddenly i'm missing her so badly. I'm unable to sleep. I've just sent her a text message simply saying "I'm hurting", which is unreplied. I'm mising her sorely right now, even though the last 3 years of our 10 year marriage was hell. I did not know i could still feel this way. Whats going on with me? What should i do?
2007-04-08 17:49:04 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You gave up hating and exhibited forgiveness, which allows you to accept her shortcomings and her assets. Now that you are not wasting energy "hating" your ex-wife, you are moving on and are now grieving your loss. This is actually a healthy sign for you, as grief is one of the emotions all humans must cope with for the loss of a loved one. Once you are able to get through the grief, you'll accept your current situation and will further move on with your life, creating a new one for yourself while corroborating the child-rearing with your ex-wife.
Trust me: what you are feeling is normal and healthy. It's part of the five stages of loss (whether loved one or health):
1. shock
2. denial
3. anger
4. grief
5. acceptance
You are at stage 4 now, so ALLOW YOURSELF THE TIME YOU NEED TO GRIEVE. This is so important. Experience the heartache and know that it will eventually heal and the pain will pass.
Your prayer was answered in the way Christ saw fit for you.
Best wishes to you on your venture towards your new life and the new "you." Your children will reap the benefits of your awakening.
God bless.
2007-04-08 18:02:49 · answer #1 · answered by niteowl716 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. You've got to expect to miss someone who's been part of your life for 10 years. Be it good, or bad years. Texting her may feel right at the time you're doing so, but when she hasn't responded it's killer on the heart. Try to avoid contacting her. Call a friend instead, a good friend won't care what time it is. Set up an appt with your doctor and see if there is anything he can prescribe to take the edge off.
Buy some 'SleepyTime' tea, and follow the directions, for me a shot of Drambuie in it helps a great deal too.
Then do your soul a major favor, up your self-confidence. Get a style update, new eyeglasses, haircut, goatee...etc. Drag yourself, kicking and screaming if necessary, out to somewhere new. Smile, laugh and breathe deeply. When someone intentionally, unnecessarily, and without concern for anothers feelings hurts them, life has a way of taking the pain away.
PS You know they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. The new guy might take this into consideration...or hey maybe he just doesn't give a hoot, beause most men who are involved with a married woman are involved because the woman is already married. By the time the divorce is final he'll be checking out of that hotel, ya know?
2007-04-08 18:16:02 · answer #2 · answered by roseshyre7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow man, I sincerely feel for you. There is nothing anybody here or anywhere else can write to ease that kind of pain. All someone can do is listen, try to understand what you're dealing with. I'm sure it will always be on your mind but don't try to analyze things, it will make things worse. One suggestion though, - Don't keep calling or texting etc. You may imagine her receiving it in the same way you're thinking, but she may be in a different state of mind. If she is, then your messages are only going to drive her away more. At this stage, you will carry the hurt. Healing will come but you won't know when. Stay in prayer. If sincere, you will find an inner peace in time. Be the man you're supposed to be and it will work out as it should. I do know that pain. Stay strong.
2007-04-08 18:06:41 · answer #3 · answered by whatever 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter how much you want to keep your marriage together, it is best to let her go, she already has moved on, so you are the offended party, therefore request a divorce and since she is not exactly a good example for your daughters, it would not make her look good in family court either. Stop begging. You have your girls to look out for and you certainly have your work cut out for you, what with their mommy's prime example. Sometimes we want to hang on to a dead body, just remember that by the third day it starts to stink big time. In this case the dead body is your marriage. Let go and move on, she already did. Forget about any more messages no matter how lonely you feel, I would hate to be in a similar situation and have that message shown to the new partner. I know it is hard, but you have your life to worry about now.
2007-04-08 17:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by Karan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry for your grief. I suspect that you are experiencing a similar grief to that felt by spouses who have had their partner die. You are bound to feel confused, angry, hurt, desperate, and yes, even still longing for your wife. I think it speaks well of you that you miss her, and value the marriage you have with her. If she won't relent and try again, then I suppose you will have to live life without her, praying for strength and healing.
I think, too, that your four daughters must be grieving, too. And while they haven't lost their mom, it does sound like they aren't her top priority right now. They will need your love and reassurance more than ever--reassurance of not only your love, but of their mom's love, too. That will require a bigness of heart you may not feel capable of, but that I think you can manage for their sakes.
I wish you and your girls all the best.
2007-04-08 18:02:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to "unlove" someone you have spent many years loving. Holidays are sometimes especially hard as you've built a tradition with your family that is no longer. Over time the feelings will ease off as you meet new people and start making and enjoying new traditions. Let yourself grieve the loss of your marriage, there is nothing wrong with you.
2007-04-08 17:57:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ruby Rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if you still love your wife and are mourning your relationship.First, take this to the Lord. Ask for direction and His help. Ask for the Lord to intercede in your marriage. Thank Him for His help and pray all things according to His will. If you think there is still a chance for you and your wife, call her and talk to alone. Tell her how you feel. If she is willing, ask her for one last chance to come back and try to work things out with you. Maybe you and your wife can seek out Christian counseling and get your issues resolved. Pour your heart out to her and be sincere. I will be praying the Lord will surround you with His Holy Spirit and comfort you. God bless you and your family!
2007-04-08 18:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that your heart is heavy tells me that your love for not only your wife is still strong but that you understand the indissolubility of marriage. God rendered marriage for life. Keep praying, I know that sounds mundane but it works. Your heart is in the right place but the Lord still needs to work out a few things with your wife.
2007-04-08 17:56:27 · answer #8 · answered by stpolycarp77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry for your pain, but at this time I suggest a good divorce attorney. You definitely are unequally yoked.
2007-04-08 17:56:17 · answer #9 · answered by genny_gump 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you done anything to hurt or offend her? Maybe if you said you dont know what you did but you are sorry for whatever it was, but hang in there or, try and make her jellouse,
2007-04-08 17:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋