My husband is threatening divorce if I have an abortion.What happened to "for better ot worse"?

Question

I'm 27 and have been married for 3 years.We both have very well paid jobs and would be able to give any child the best of everything.Problem is I don't like children and my husband knew that from the start.He told me he was more than willing to give up having children if it meant spending the rest of his life with me.We've taken every precaution possible to make sure we don't get pregant but here I am 6 weeks pregnant.I don't want this baby.It's going to ruin everything,all my hopes and dreams for the future going down the drain.I feel like I'm being punished.He told me that me aborting would be the one thing he would never be able to get past since he considers this baby a miracle.What happened to for better or worse?My parents and my best friend who's been trying to conceive for the last 5 years think I'm being incredibly selfish,but they're not the ones who'll have to deal with a screaming baby when it arrives.Why can't anyone accept my decision?

Answer 1

Geez...i`m glad i don`t have to deal with you!!!!

Answer 2

I am also a married "career-oriented" woman who has decided she does not want to have children, so I understand your feelings completely. I am also married to a man who said that he was fine with not having kids... and then later, felt differently. However, we've never been in your position because I've never gotten pregnant. I just mention this because there seem to be a lot of women here who are judging you for not wanting kids in the first place... and that's not the issue. So here are your choices - yours and your husband's because it is his child, too. You two could 1) have an abortion 2) have the child and raise him or her as your own or 3) give the child up for adoption. Those are really your only three choices. Whatever you do, you and your husband need to make this decision TOGETHER. Please talk to a counselor about this difficult decision. Talk to other people like family or clergy or if you need to. Perhaps you should also specifically talk to other women who did not want children and then got pregnant - and see what they did. I'm sure you're not the first person that this has happened to. You both have to find a compromise that will respect everyone's feelings involved as much as possible. As a responsible adult, one of the risks that you take when you have sex, even with birth control, is that you might get pregnant. It is no one's fault that you are pregnant. But now that you are in this position, you have to be mature about this, and you and your husband have to make a rational decision. And by the way, whatever birth control method you were using... I would recommend taking another look at it, and using TWO next time, like a friend of mine does since she cannot get pregnant due to a serious health condition. Good luck.

Answer 3

Because you are being selfish. He is the father of the child, or at least I presume he is. And what about his feelings and wants? For better or worse doesn't just mean whats better or worse for you, it means whats better or worse for him as well. Abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control, and you as a grown woman should have known that. You played the game, and you lost. Now put your big girl panties on and deal with it. I would also like to interject here, that you may feel this way now, but once you look at that baby for the first time, all of those feelings will go away, and you will cry because you ever thought of considering "killing" your baby. And how do his parents feel about this? Maybe they could adopt the baby, or just take legal guardianship of the baby, that way, he could still see his baby, and the baby would still be there even if your marriage disintegrates. Just a thought. And by the way, your parents think your being selfish??? Been many a time I had wished I would have listened to my parents, and I'd say, your parents know you better than yourself or your husband or any of us here. I am not sorry for the flack your catching on line, you should have expected as much, your the one who published it. And what a lot of these people are saying about having your tubes tied, well, in most states, they will not do that for a woman until she has had at least two kids. So with no children, this is not an option for you.

Answer 4

Well, from what I've read so far, I wouldn't be in your shoes for a million dollars. Obviously, there are alot of people who are jumping on the judgement and condemnation wagon concerning you.
You have the right to make the choice to continue this preganacy or not. Whatever decision you make, someone is going to judge you for it. I have always loved the saying, " Don't judge someone else until you've walked a mile in their shoes."
It's true that most credible doctors will not perform tubal ligations on women under the age of 30-35. No birth control method is 100% reliable except--and I love when people say this---abstinance. Do they know what abstinance means---the absense of sexual relations so why would you need birth control?
My advice, for whatever it's worth, is to get some counseling and at Planned Parenthood, it's pay what you can. It's also completely anonymous. But you need someone who has alot of experience to help you through this. Make a list of what you have to gain by having the baby and a list of what you have to gain by not having the baby. Maybe this is just not the right time for you. When I was your age, sorry to go there, but I was totally involved in my career and I didn't even get married until last year at age 45. I never had children and I don't think I would have been a good mother. I now have twin 17yr old step-daughters and they confirm the fact that I should have never had children. I don't have the patience to deal with the drama. I love them and I love the fact that their Dad adores them and their Mom is also available.
So whatever you choose, be prepared for the backlash you will get and if the judgemental comments I've read on here are any example, grow a really thick skin and toughen up.
Good Luck to You and God Bless.

Answer 5

You and your husband should consider immediate counselling in making this decision. Never mind what anyone else in your family or your friends think. Ultimately whatever you choose to do will be yours alone but you would like your husband to be in agreement with it. This issue of whether to abort and if you do, your husband will leave you, is between you and him and no one else. Your marriage is obviously very important to both of you but the prospect of bringing an unwanted child into your life will cause great resentment. See an ob/gyn and ask for a referral to a good counsellor. No one should have to be threatened with being deserted by their spouse for making this or any life altering decision. At your age, you aren't an idealistic teenager seeing the world through rose colored glasses. You obviously already know what the other options are if you decide to have the child.You sound like a level headed, career driven woman and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You became pregnant and your husband had a change of heart about becoming a father, there's nothing wrong with that either. Time is of the essense in this situation so good luck with whatever happens

Answer 6

First of all - jobs and money mean nothing. If you think those are more important than a life, than you need therapy. You were obviously not using EVERY precaution to not get pregnant - because here you are. I can understand you feeling confused about your husbands reaction, I mean after all, he agreed to no children. Well, he agreed to not trying to have children. But, the fact is, here you are, already pregnant - this changes everything. I agree with your family - you're being extremely selfish, and I can see why your husband is threatening divorce. This is his child, too. You said the words yourself - what happened to better or worse? Well, here's your personal worse, and you're running away from it. That baby is a gift and should be born. You will look back at this and realize how ignorant and selfish you were being once you hold that little person in your arms. Good luck, but I think you'll be making the wrong decision to abort.

Answer 7

I have a 2 month old and thinking about not having her in my life I jsut couldn't imagine. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never been so happy. It could be different when it's your own. I do not believe in abortion. If you're mature enough to have sex, then you should be smart enough to know that nothing is 100% and that pregnancy is the first consequence of sex. it even sounds wrong to call it a consequence. it's the greatest thing that could happen to anyone. if you can't accept responsiblity for your actions, then maybe you shouldn't be having sex in the first place. I don't blame your husband. I would leave you too. you want to murder his child. it's growing. it's a living thing. you're six weeks. your baby has a heartbeat. you are already a mom. start acting like one. I think you need to grow up. really. You are being very selfish. you need to really think about this. no one can accept your decision because it's wrong. you made a baby and you want to kill it. dispose of it like garbage. what kind of a person does that? do you have no conscience? no heart? this is your husband's child too. I suggest you have the baby, sign over your rights to your husband and if you want nothing to do with the child and you are going to mistreat it because you resent it, let your husband find a woman that will be a great mother to it. or you could try adoption. don't take away that baby's chance at life because you want to have sex. does that make sense to you? and a baby is not something you're supposed to deal with. what the hell is wrong with you. a baby crying is the sweetest sound in the world. if you go through with it, I hope he leaves. that just means he can do better. Stop thinking of yourself for a change. You're 27 years old. Time to grow up.

Answer 8

I am sorry you feel the way you do about children/babies. A baby can be the most wonderful thing ever given to a person. I can tell you from what my husband as told me....his girl before meeting and marring me aborted his child, he thinks about that child a lot with "What if's" (my husband has 8 beautiful children, but he still wonders). I know you said you don't want this child because it will destroy you dreams & future. I believe you are wrong, Babies are a special blessing & as your husband says this one is a miralce (because you have been preventing it) I have to agree with your parents & best friend you are being selfish. The Question you have to answer yourself is...Do you love your husband and is there any place in your heart to love this baby? OR do you really want your marriage to end without questions?

Answer 9

I'm going to try not to be judgemental, please forgive me if I slip.

I think this is bigger than you and your husband - this is a huge dilemna neither of you could have predicted. I understand that you feel that this was already decided, and you are hurt that now your husband has completely changed position, to the point that he is willing to leave you if you will not do as he wishes.

But I also understand that he's probably emotionally torn up. Agreeing not to try to get pregnant is one thing, but here he has a child on the way, and is clearly happy and excited about that, and is being told by the woman he loves and adores that she wants to take that from him. He doesn't want to lose it. And he's probably very angry that he doesn't have a say in it - it's entirely in your control.

If you truly do not want this child, it is bad for you and the child for you to raise it. I will agree with you there. I don't think there is a clean solution to this situation. I think that one way to make the best of it would be to have the baby, give custody to your husband, and you two split. Or another could be to offer that your friend adopt this child (if your husband agrees.) Either way, it seems, your marriage will be adversely affected.

I accept your decision - it's a horrible decision for anyone to have to make, and yours is particularly complicated. I don't necessarily agree, but I do accept it, and appreciate your position. I truly hope you and your husband will be able to work through it.

Peace & love.

Answer 10

If he weren't your husband I would say it's your choice. But you married him for better or worse too. This just happens to be a "worse" for you and a "better" for him. Unless he replaced your pills with tic tacs or poked holes in the condom, or some other way tried to decieve you into getting pregnant than you may want to consider that everything happens for a reason. It is a decision that you should include your husband in, and if it is worth getting divorced over than do it. If not, than pray for a happy baby. They change you ya know, babies do.

Answer 11

First, I would reccomend reconsidering. There are other options besides abortion. Have you considered adoption? As an adopted child, I can tell you I am glad I wasn't aborted. You may even be able to designate who you want to adopt your baby. If your friend can't concieve, perhaps she would take care of baby. There are thousands of couples waiting to adopt babies.

Second, before making any finalized decision, please research the truth about abortion. A very large percentage of women REGRET killing their unborn babies. At six weeks, did you know your baby's heart is already pumping? He is helpless in your body, relying on you for everything. Please make sure you will not regret your decision. I encourage you to speak with an unbiased counselor or someone who has had an abortion.

In case you are unaware, in an abortion, your womb is surgically opened and the baby is cut into peices, while still inside of you. Then, with forceps, the peices of the dead child are removed from you. Please veiw this video for a more complete depiction: http://prolifetraining.com/Abortion-Video.htm

Third, while legally your husband doesn't have to consent, it seems like he loves you very much. Are you willing to throw away your entire future just to prevent a screaming baby? Take a look at the cost of divorce, since money seems to be your main concern.

Fourth: I must add my personal input at this point. Despite what science says, your child is alive inside of you! Science told us only a few hundred years ago that the Earth was flat. Do you still believe that? I beg you, if you have no desire to raise a child, please consider other options! I am in tears over your consideration of this idea. Please, listen to your husband. Talk about alternatives. You may even find that, after birth, you can find a place in your heart for this child that you and your husband created.