my mom thinks i'm fat!?!?

Question

i'm 15 1/2, i weigh about 117, and i'm 5 ft 2in. i don't think i'm fat but my mom's always saying i am. she's like "when i was your age i was stick skinny". i don't care how skinny she was. i'm a size 3, my upper arms are a bit flabby, and my stomach is ok. my legs are a bit muscular, but i cant help it, i'm a dancer! i'm sick of her telling me i'm fat all the time. i'm not about to go anorexic just to please her, but i would like to do something to get her off my back. what can i do to slim myself down a bit?

Answer 1

You don't need to slim down-you're perfect! Your body mass index is in the "normal" range. Your mom is sooo wrong to be saying things like that-that's how teens fall into the traps of eating disorders. Let her in on this piece of info-ask her how she would feel if you became anorexic or bulimic. Apart from that, tell her that she is negatively impacting your self esteem and it will probably continue to affect you for the remainder of your life.

Answer 2

You can slim yourself down but I don't think that is really the problem. My mom always made remarks about my feet being too big, or my ears sticking out, or my butt being big, or my "buck teeth", etc, etc. These things used to get to me until I realized none of them were really true. It wasn't until my mom was dying that I made some disparaging remark about my looks and she said, "Oh, no you're not. You're pretty!" I sat there stunned because my mom had never said anything that nice about my looks before. When she died less than a week later, I reflected on what she had said and how she had grown up. I began to see that the bad remarks and constant teasing were things she had probably endured from her own mom. Always had to measure up and never good enough. It caused me to reevaluate the way I spoke to my own daughter. I realize that I rarely told her that I loved her and it was just easy to "tease playfully". You bet I don't let a conversation with her go by now without letting her know that I am proud of her and I love her. Your mom loves you, too, but I'm thinking she may just have a difficult time expressing what she feels (and may have had this "teasing" happen to her as a young girl). Try telling your mom how her remarks affect you, she might not know she's being so hard on you. If that doesn't work, I know it's hard for now but you won't be a teenager forever. Good luck!

Answer 3

There is a difference between caring about the health and well-being of your child and trying to push your child into attaining an unrealistic body type. Your mother's comments may be intended to be harmless (perhaps she is conjuring up memories of her past in an attempt to make her feel good about her own body), but they are obviously emotionally scarring. I remember when I was a teenager, I suffered from pretty severe acne. I was so embarassed by it that I would avoid social settings and would try to hide my face by not looking at people directly in the eye when I talked. One time, my mother said, "Wow, your skin is really bad these days." She didn't MEAN for that comment to be hurtful, but where I was already so insecure about my skin, it seemed to magnify my self-esteem issues. I talked to my mother about her comment and told her how much it hurt me; that it wasn't my fault that my skin is the way that it is and that I can't do anything about it. She hasn't made such an insensitive comment since. If you eat right, exercise, and maintain a pretty active lifestyle (which it sounds like you do being a dancer and all), you should not be concerned about your body shape. I wish I had more muscular legs to be perfectly frank! I recommend that you talk to your mother about her comments. Be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Just remind her that you are NOT her. Perhaps she was stick skinny when she was your age, but that doesn't mean that you have to be too. If you have self-esteem and body issues, I recommend talking to a professional before they manifest into a larger issue. Watch this clip too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U It's a commercial made by Dove for the real beauty campaign. It's only a minute long, but it is absolutely powerful. Keep your head up high and don't let anyone pollute your mind with these thoughts that you should be ashamed of your body. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am so sorry your mother is putting this pressure on you. With all the tabloid stuff on anorexia and eating disorders, the last thing a 15yr old needs is to hear this from her mom. I believe you are at a very healthy weight for your age. I would, respectfully, tell her that you don't beleive you are fat, that you look like all the other kids, and that her telling you this is having a slight negative effect on you. If it is bothering you, you could do some toning exercises for the flab, but I wouldn't even worry about it, your body is still changing and will do alot of toning on its own in the next few yrs.

Answer 5

Pleaase girl. it sounds like u r the perfect size. As long as u get exercise and u do since your a dancer than u should be tone enough. If the kind of dancing u do doesn't help tone ur arms than do some exercises to tone them but really, I wouldn't do a thing. Just because ur mom was stick skinny doesn't mean she looked healthy or was. Tell your mom she and u are two different people and u r perfectly happy with ur size and we all think she need to get off ur butt

Answer 6

You're NOT fat. Man o man. You haven't even finished growing yet. Everyone's physique is different and believe me you don't wanna be "stick skinny". Please, little one, you're just fine. You're dancing, staying in shape and what I wouldn't give to have been 117 at your age. My whole life it's been a struggle just to be over 100 at the same height and now I'm finally there. Also, bear in mind, and I'm sure you've heard it 100 times, muscle weighs more than fat. You can be underweight and worry about all the complications that come from that, or be normal and happy. It's up to you. Not Mom or anyone else.

Answer 7

NOTHING! You're mom is rediculous to talk to you like that. You don't want to be any smaller than you are. Muscle thickness is good. Do you really think "stick skinny" looked good? YUCK! Your mom was probably nasty looking. Like legs the size of arms. The very worst thing you could do is to let your moms comments cause you to be insecure or to create a complex or eating disorder. Just be happy knowing you feel good about who you are and how you look. And know that not everyone has the same view on what looks good. If we did, what a boring world we would live in. We'd all be chasing the same guy and there would be a lot of lonely people out there. Maybe what looks good to your mom is the Hollywood crack head skinny. To me though, I think slender girls look nice, with some muscle tone on them. Like flat belly, with nice round solid butt and muscular legs. You might like something else... Feel me? Don't go getting "sick" because you're trying to please anyone else!!!!!

Answer 8

Tell her that you take responsibility for managing your weight. Sounds like you're a good size. If you don't like the flabby arms, then decide to and then do something about it. A few push ups every day would firm them up in a couple of weeks. Also, share with your mom that her constantly telling you you're fat makes you uncomfortable. Ask her that she please stop. She shouldn't compare you to herself at your age. That's unfair. Different time and you also have your father's side's genes. She doesn't. You may only be 15 but she should expect that you will express your independence. be nice but be firm. She'll respect your honesty and hopefully honor your request. stay active and remain confident in yourself.

Answer 9

if ur only 117 pounds and a size 3 ur NOT fat! Ur mom needs 2 leave u alone about that who cares what she was at ur age ur not her. Just tell her 2 stop and at least ur healthy and not anorexic that it shouldnt matter how much u weigh. She needs 2 get off ur back!

Answer 10

Instead of slimming down, you might just try toning your problem areas a little bit. Use free weights to work your upper arms and start doing crunches to work your abs. Don't listen to your mother, you are thin enough, do not try to starve yourself by dieting. Her telling you that you are fat all of the time is not good for your well being and I think you should say something to her. Listen to your gut, you know you aren't fat! Good luck :)