I'm afraid to go out and date men. It takes me repeated exposure to people to begin to feel comfortable with them. It's a problem for me because I'm not a child anymore. That's why I always fall for guys at work, cuz I see them every day.
When I've gone out with guys I didn't know before the date, they've often grabbed me or kissed me and I didn't even see it coming and I don't like that.
How do I explain to someone I don't even know well, on the first date, that I don't want them to touch me or kiss me yet? Will any guy want to date a girl who isn't willing to fool around on the first date (and, guys, I'm 36, not a child, and this stuff happens.) I feel like I need to say something beforehand because it really freaks me out when they touch or kiss me unexpectedly... How do I handle this with the guy?
2007-04-08 15:44:11 · 11 answers · asked by Jebbie 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Please be kind, I suffered alot of abuse as a child and have been through therapy... Even so, I don't warm up to guys I don't know too easily...
2007-04-08 15:45:04 · update #1
yeah i would go out with someone like you, i am kind of the same way. It takes me awhile to get used to people and be comfortable around them. And not kissing on the first or second date is not a big deal, people kiss way too much anyway to where it has little meaning, if we all kissed our dates on the first date that is a lot of people and then it isnt as special. I also find myself going out with people who i either work with or go to school with, because i know a lot about them. Just be yourself and do whatever you feel comfortable doing, don't let others change you. I know i feel the same way you do so that means others have too as well. one day you will find someone who you love and who respects you enought to respect your decision to wait to kiss and be intimate, good luck
2007-04-08 15:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by matt 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What will probably help you is to have many men friends, just Platonic. YOU can have friends who are not woman. You can eat dinner with them, go places, enjoy company share intimate feelings in terms of life stuff, like family problems, health etc.
After a while, your heart will probably open for one of them for more than just plan tonic. Most likely, that friends will also be a decent honest non game player, even if he's not prince charming. You need someone who you can completely trust, and a male Friend will insure a lifetime of commitment and cooperation and love.
2007-04-08 15:51:06 · answer #2 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would date a woman for the 3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,ect time before wanting a kiss from her. I don't want to pressure her into doing something she's not comfortable with. I'm at the age where I enjoy having companionship more than just having sex with a woman just for the sake of having sex. I have matured.
Tell this guy you're not looking for anything serious and tell him to keep his distance. If he can respect that then you both may have a good chance at being good friends first. maybe thats what you ought to tell the guy before you even go out with him first. Tell him something like,"I'm just looking for a friend to hang out with and I'm not sure I really want get romantically involved yet". I could handle being told that.
2007-04-08 15:57:15 · answer #3 · answered by Rocky 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Some men will. Others won't. My husband didn't kiss me on our first two dates so I kissed him first in the middle of our third date because I wanted to know if he was interested. He was--he kissed back. I was 30 and he was 35.
2007-04-10 14:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by redunicorn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see it as a probem, but guys hate rejection & will think you are rejecting them if you don't explain a little. Insist on meeting for coffee only the first time. When he asks you out, accept & tell him that you would love to go out with him but that you have a need to go SLOW - no exceptions. Just be up front, without explaining why (none of his business at this point). As long as he knows you're interested & knows the ground rules up front, he'll cooperate. If he doesn't he's a jerk - dunp him quick. And date gentlemen, like me.
2007-04-08 15:51:16 · answer #5 · answered by jimmyjohn 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I prefer girls that wouldn't kiss on the first date, unless we had a real connection and it felt right. Otherwise, don't worry about it. Try to stay out of situations where they could grab and kiss you. When you say goodnight, just give them a quick hug and then walk away before they can kiss you.
2007-04-08 15:54:31 · answer #6 · answered by _ 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its because you respect yourself that you dont want guys to be all over you. Many guys see girls that respect themselves as attractive. Wouldn't you, in a guy? Anyway, just tell them you dont want to be kissed right there and now, but say you had a really great time with them and wish to do it again someday.
2007-04-08 15:52:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not, just tell the guy that u r nor ready for unexpected kisses or hugs... give u sometime.. when u are more ready... then just follow your instinct
2007-04-15 21:51:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, sure. lots of girls don't like to be touched . Better let them know upfront your kisses are expensive. But unless u find a non-affectionate guy it might be a problem.
2007-04-08 15:51:35 · answer #9 · answered by KID87 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its always good to get to know someone first before moving on to the next step. So just tell them you want to take it slow or maybe tell them you need to get to know them first before anything happens.
2007-04-08 15:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by Empty_Glass 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋